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Old 01-30-2011, 08:46 AM   #136
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Re: Second Go

Its 8 am - Day 13 off opiates i believe. and day 2 of no benzos I woke feeling fine, taking half of my vitamins now, half latr

am not looking forward to my lecture today. last night i was driving the work van and the transmission went (it had oil in it..but??) and I am not the ony staff that drives it, so I got a rebutle if they wanna take it there. My bosses have known me since i was very young, so it seemed more like a scolding than a talking to. they were also mad I left the office for food at a busy time of night. blah blah, so there's that.

I just want today to be over thruthfully. tomorrows my days off. Im in a bad mood because of all of this and I cant work with a bad mood, let alone trying to keep my head on straight with this detox.

But I know Ive got it better than a lot of people around the world (I actually have job for 1) so i'll stop whining now.r

I have no cravings because of the incident last nght this would send the average person into relapse if u were to hear what I was told by them. But I cant (and not want to anyway) let some one else's hang-ups make me want to use. In fact it gives me that strength to be better than them, and prove myself that I have self-control, cause they lost theirs last night. Jokers...

 
Old 01-30-2011, 09:24 AM   #137
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Re: Second Go

Thx.

I appreciate the advice to always recommend when posting. Since this Msg.Board is new to me, first time ever opening up for the whole world to see! bit intimidating!!

When I feel more comfortable I will start my own thread/journal, but for now just knowing people like you and so many others are here for you to interact with is making all the differnce. When I do muster up the courage, I can only hope to have such a supportive fan base as you have acquired!!!

Until next time,
Lots Of Luck!!
booboolaz

 
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Old 01-30-2011, 02:27 PM   #138
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Re: Second Go

hahah i dunno bout fanbase...we're all equal peers, ha it just turned out that i post all the time. And that has kept me in line; being able to vent on here and journal has been essential in my recovery, because without it, the energy was bottled up inside and keeping me doing the same habits. it also kept me honest, as i was not going to lie to an group of people, being an anonymous person, that would be lame, but I also didnt want to say something and not stick to it, so for me it is super helpful.

2:20pm - im at work, and tommorrow im off for 3 days woooo. much needed because of all the stress goin on around here. hows ur days??

 
Old 01-30-2011, 03:11 PM   #139
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Re: Second Go

Hi,
I'm glad to hear that you will be getting some well deserved 3 days off..this time to yourself, and away from the stress you have been experiencing at work will help in your recovery. I am so sorry to hear that besides all of your detox ups and downs that you have to be stressed out at work as well. Chin-up, be strong, keep smiling! Remember don't let these things hit so hard as they can hinder your recovery. Is it possible for you to take more time off mayB a mini-Vacation?? I think you handled your sitch at work like a CHAMP!!!

Bye For Now!!
Lots Of Luck!!
booboolaz

 
Old 01-30-2011, 03:48 PM   #140
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Re: Second Go

YOU'VE EARNED YOUR DAY OFF!!!

really impressed that you didn't get that pressure to use after the stress you had at work--i know i've snapped at a cpl ppl since i went clean, and it's hard to not go overboard when you're detoxing and really just want to bash something with a large, shiny object when your nerves get rattled

yep, i'm back, didn't go into a tailspin this weekend. surprise, surprise, some of the friends, whom i've known for years, were happy to see the old (no pill popping) me! they kinda suspected something was off with me the last few times i'd seen them, which spanned over the last like year and a half. made my best friend's gf a little uneasy (she's the "newbie" to the group, and only been around me 1 or2 times before it got bad and the others noticed), cuz, well, i'm a straight girl, and my best friend's a straight guy, and let's just say he walks too fine a line, imho as a girl, when i'm actually lucid or not out of it in some way. at least i hope that's only when i'm lucid lol (man, it's a crazy situation, all i can say about that). he and i tried something more back in college, but i didn't want to lose such a close best friend who was part of my "group" every day, every week, so that got shut down back then, and we've managed to remain really tight friends, even better now than when we were in college.

i've dealt with it fine when we were both single, and he's never gotten out of hand in any way when i've been dating someone, and in fairness, everyone is having a few drinks, and the group generally smokes pot, but that's the total extent of one of our get-togethers, drug-wise. and as someone else on here said, for many of us, marijuana as a controlled substance is debatable, and this group can always handle that fine. but now he's got this gf, who i think was only ok with me cuz she didn't see me as a threat and now she does. but u know what? not gonna waste time speculating, and he's dated before (even a short marriage none of us agreed with lol), so his relationship probs are HIS. he knows where things stand. right now i'm just happy that i'm "back," and these are the probs i have to go back to dealing with, not where to get more percs! and my energy level, even with a long drive (almost 3 hrs. each way) and everything we all did, well, on the drive back home, i just felt stronger than i have in a looooong time. we joked it was the me before i got back with my ex bf i told you guys about (the human quicksand lol). we joked, but it was true, and it was all the reinforcement i needed to keep going. thought of this board both as i was on this trip and when settling in back home just before i came on to post this--just wanna thank you for the support, and strength, and i now KNOW there is a light at the end of the tunnel, just gotta get there and stay planted lol.

 
Old 01-30-2011, 03:56 PM   #141
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Re: Second Go

i also need to point out about my straight guy best friend, he was there, stood right by me when i broke down, literally, after my ex. he's no fair-weather friend, and he NEVER tried during that time to take advantage in any way. i love him, he's like my brother.

 
Old 01-30-2011, 08:40 PM   #142
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Re: Second Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by ravensgirl52 View Post
i also need to point out about my straight guy best friend, he was there, stood right by me when i broke down, literally, after my ex. he's no fair-weather friend, and he NEVER tried during that time to take advantage in any way. i love him, he's like my brother.
women (and men) should be able to have those kinds of friends. I am friends w a couple ex flames. we are over the romance and can talk about life with no urges or desires to re-live our sex lives. The gf knows about them, and has some hang ups, but at the end of the day, knows im just conversating w an old friend...she has guy friends too (doesnt bother me a bit because I 'know'she is not cheating; i can read people very well. I think this is healthy (it can be tricky at times, but my gf and I have thee most trust in each other that we dont worry about those things coming back up. And it might be a chat on facebook w the friend or even going for tea in the daytime to vatch up and thats it (example a girl I dated from age 16-21 was my best friend, she doesnt have many friends moved out to toronto, and we keep in touch and talk maybe once every two or three months, there is no flame at all anymore, just friendship)

I used to be a very jealous person; i am the opposite now because Ive found a gf I can trust 100 percent. that is hard to come across nowadays, but were 35 and 30, weve been there done that, and it gets played out.

 
Old 01-30-2011, 09:01 PM   #143
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Re: Second Go

i totally agree on guys and girls being friends. there does usually seem to be some sexual tension, especially when you've had a past, but it's always usually one or the other who doesn't completely let that go. she was assured of our friendship and lack of anything else, so it's on her to deal with her issues and their relationship. and after what i went through with my ex, i'd have to really know a new guy is what i want, and will compliment my life as i would do his. unless & until i find that, don't want to do anything serious, and i make that abundantly clear with guys who want something with me that i just know won't happen. right now that's not at all where my head is at--just want to keep off the opiates, get stronger with each day, and learn enough from these past cpl years to avoid anything or anyone that could compromise that. gonna be a busy week, so i'm a bit nervous about getting everything done, but you've been such a trooper doing as much as you do pushing through each day, and after this past wknd, i know it may be tough, but i'll make it, and i have faith that we all will, day by day

 
Old 01-31-2011, 03:14 AM   #144
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Re: Second Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by ravensgirl52 View Post
,day by day
this is the key...

 
Old 02-02-2011, 04:33 PM   #145
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Re: Second Go

hey second go and ravens girl

where are yall? just checking in to see how everyone is. Corissa went to rehab and he is a little anxious about it i think. He seems like a good fella. I pray he does okay and doesn't shut us out if something happens. I have been feeling like crap. I am still taking most of my meds. I have to have the knee thing done. I go to the doc wed to talk about the surgery - - yuck. So i am really not going to try to do anything further till that is over with. I don't see the point! I have been cutting down though somewhat so maybe I will do okay with it later.

Well I just didn't see yall on here last coupla days so just thought I would check in and see how u are doing. signin off......

 
Old 02-03-2011, 11:25 AM   #146
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Re: Second Go

yeah, i know it's been quiet lately, but on my end, things are good, ty. i actually hurt my side/rib a few days ago, was so bad for a good 2 days that even my mom suggested maybe i should go to the hospital. but they don't really do anything but give you pain pills, and for the first time in a long time, i didn't salivate and run there lol. i am happy i toughed it out, wanting to keep the sobriety i've worked so hard for this past month. thought it was longer, but checked, and it's only been a month tomorrow since i started my detox, and 3 wks at most w/o any opiates. have had the flu this week too, so doubly happy i didn't give in w/how crappy i've felt and go to get pills. and the side/rib is all gone now--yeay!

i'm really glad to hear that corissa is in rehab, if that's what's needed it can only be a possible help and good thing. and glad you decided to get the surgery--i waited wayyy too long on my ankle surgery, and i know flat out, for me, it meant an extra year of escalating percocet use and thus the need for even more after the surgery. so that was the final piece to getting me on 10-30 a day--yikes! and to be honest, the ankle isn't as painful since i'm off the opiates. it's manageable, and i know now that my addiction was making that feel worse too when i needed another pill or 3 lol.

second, i hope you are ok up there. no matter what, you are a beastie, and smart, so i know you'll balance stuff out

 
Old 02-04-2011, 02:32 AM   #147
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Re: Second Go

i am back, but didnt really go anywhere. I am still clean, this being day 18. As i was getting the drugs out of my system i realised that I was neglecting alot of thing in my life, grandma, stepdad, girlfriens, certain friends, And now that i can see clear, I am able to interact with them at a more comfortable level.

so I have been visiting faily lots, and hanging w old friends lots, catching up. Theres always this energy tho, with old friends that is like 'hes been absent so long and now he thinks he can just show up and everthing alright like nothing happened'. Thats an awkward feeling. but only for the ones I couldnt tell my drug stories to,

the ones I could explain my addictions and they could relate, whether it it had been them or a friend of thiers who was addicted, was a smoother interaction.

I have one friend look at me like he was disgusted because he thought and stilll thinks i do cocaine all he time. I did not tell him any of it, i let him think what he wants, his mind wouldnt process it properly anyway. Hes a udgementl type, who has never touch a drug, not even a cigarette or weed; has the ocassinal heieken tho. pffffff but hes my friend from way back and weve wrked on music lots.

so I have kicked the benzos too (even though id take like 2-4 cloazepam and 4 ativans a week) Ive cut those out too, mainly because they dont do anything for me, id stil be anxious or irritated on them, so done w them. (In asuming i shoould be taking more to actually have them take effect, but im not made of money)

So ive had up and down days, mood rollercoasters, and have been sleeping early lots.

There was a miracle at work, because I didnt f up the transmission, and the van was under warranty, so I got a slap on the wrist and were good now.

Im gona read some of the other threads now guys, i havent been on here in a minute, so busy, but i wannna see how yall r doin?!

Last edited by second go; 02-04-2011 at 02:38 AM.

 
Old 02-04-2011, 01:18 PM   #148
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Re: Second Go

well ravens and second you guys sound good. I am doing okay. I guess I am the only pill head left now! lol. I am just going to wait till the knee thing is over with and then I am going to kick it all completely. I am going to let the doc do the injections in my neck and see how those go too. I am really anxious to get the knees done cause i wanna start working out again. I feel so crappy since I quit. It was helping the fibromyalgia tremendously. I am going back to my psych doc and seeing about being put on something other than zoloft. I don't think it is working anymore. I am going to try cymbalta again if he will let me. They say it helps with energy. I have absolutely none. So we will see

I am hoping corissa is fine. Just from some of his posts I know that if he gets mad that he is apt to tell them stick it where the sun don't shine! lol He is cool though and he has guts to tell people what he thinks. I can just hear him now arguing with a counselor that he doesn't agree with. It will do him so good too. He is strong just like you guys are. well i am gonna go now.... it is raining here and i just wanna sleep the day away..............

 
Old 02-04-2011, 01:19 PM   #149
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Re: Second Go

glad to hear everything's going in the right direction for you i know it's been hard for me transitioning back into the normal daily things, and seeing people i didn't keep up with as well as i wanted to when i got so hooked on the pills. pretty sure what's happened has either cost me my friendship with my long-time best friend (the guy with the gf now), or will due to a cold distancing on his part that never occurred before. but it's not making me crave or want to go back. i can't change what happened. and it may not even be due to that--could be just his gf's discomfort with things now that i'm clean & lucid. all i can do is move forward now, and the people who can't understand and choose not to stick with me, especially now that things are back on track, well, that's on them. i've got enough to deal with getting back up to speed.

so i'm happy for you that you have a good "network" around you to get back to, and doesn't sound like most of them will harbor grudges (maybe that one friend, but like you said, if he's the judgmental type, nothing you can do about that). also great that things aren't all blown up for you at work. i'm lucky that i can work from home, and take periods of time off, which i was able to do during this detox time. you should be so proud of yourself that you've managed to get as far as you have while still having to be out there each week, long shifts, with all the mood swings we have from this. really a huge accomplishment, in such a short period of time when you think about it, and i'm not sure i'd have been able to do that.

 
Old 02-04-2011, 01:28 PM   #150
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Re: Second Go

oxy, you're not a "pill head!" you have an addiction, as we all do, and as i said earlier, it may not be so good for you to try and get off them completely now only to have to go back and then thru detox again after your surgery. if you can get to as little as possible now, that might help to reduce the amount you need post-surgery. i didn't do that, and it made my tolerance soooo much higher after. i hope the shots work too. and most of all, that you can get the surgery done asap, so you can recover and ween off in a good way.

i don't know how the interaction of zoloft, or any anti-depressant, is with the pain meds you're on now. i do hope you feel comfortable to be honest with the psychiatrist about your pain meds, and how much you're on now daily, cuz that might have something to do with the zoloft, or affect what he wants to put you on if he changes it. i do know zoloft, as prozac and paxil, are SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors for anyone who may not know), so maybe there's stuff out there, especially on the internet, to find out about how opiates affect serotonin production, distribution, and re-uptake into the brain. i also know from what you've said that you have a lot on your shoulders now, which certainly could affect how you feel in terms of depression--so don't you go beating up on yourself!

 
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