Hows everyone doing. Im still on my mission, but have noticed more and more of my friends experimenting with opiates. I dont preach to them, rather I explain my experience, and how hard it was for 'me' to get off of them.
It is unbelivable how much of an epidemic this is. Their use does trigger me somewhat, but I just know that I dont have the time nor energy to go through a 'third go'!!!...so I definetly refrain. I also work lots, so they use when im at work, I see them occasionally on my days off, and have my vices with me---coffe, vitamin d, b6, c, omega 3, L-tyrosine (dont use that much, I get a bit of anxiety, and good old one-a-day pills. I have also noticed I eat more chocolate and more healthy cereals.
they tend to go for oxycontin, dilllaudids, and morphine. I dread the day they want to stop, and have to go through all of what I did cause its sucks bigtime. some of them are at the stage where they are just finding out about them, and think theyre like the miracle drug theyve been missing out on! I remember that feeling....then my tolerance went up and I was like 'huh? not as much fun, and more expensive'.
But ive never been the preachy type...when I was doing them, a friend of mine was judgemental and it made me resent him.....its a delicate complex thing when you have user/non-user friends, especially when uve "been there done that"
hey second go I am so glad to hear u are continuing to do well. I am still at it trying to decrease which isn't a problem right now because i am practically out and fighting withdrawls like crazy. Not as bad as before because i have a couple pills i have been "nibbling" off of and they help keep the bad wds away. I have been taking the lortabs that the surgeon gave me when he did my knee. i am sure that is also helping. i hate lortabs they make me feel weird, not at all like the calm feeling i get from oxycodone. I too am around a lot of addicts. You wouldn't think i would be seeing as how i am basically just a 42 year old homemaker with 3 kids. However, I see it in all ages. I do preach (my biggest fault). Especially to younger people because I feel like they are more inexperienced than us older folks. I feel like older people should know a little better but sometimes they don't either. There is really nothing u can do. They have to learn on their own like we did that the stuff is poison and addictive. Sometimes I blame the docs for this but still when you realize you have a problem you should step up and say so. It is just hard and I am speaking from personal experience. My doc is just trying to help me and I know that but sometimes I don't know which is worse, the pain or the addiction. Sometimes I can't take the pain either. So it is like being between a rock and a hard spot. Anyways it is good to hear u are well. continue on and try to distance urself from some of these people. it doesn't take much for that little devil on your shoulder to say "just one"
i hear ya....and yep....those withdrawals are a pain in the butt. You seem to know the steps and procedures, its just putting it into action.
Its hard...the depression and anxiety I found was worse than the restless night, and thank gosh for gravol (pill form not lozenge) cause they helped me get a good night sleep. Hot hot baths, and then you'll soon just feel like youve got the flu.... kids get the flu.....we can do this, and I know your condidtion and the operation is added stress but hold on there sis!!!
Thanks for the encouragement second go, you are right and i will do this when i am ready. i have obviously had to cut down. lol been running low on meds so I have had no choice. I feel more awake and alert just in lots more pain. having withdrawls but you know how those kind of withdrawls are. just when u are low on meds but i have enough to help ease them. well i am gonna go and read some more posts. ttyl....keep with the program....you are home free my friend.
hows everyone? Just droppin in to say whats up....im still on my mission and have been abstaining opiates. I find work to be the hardest...I work 12 plus hour days, and I used to just float through them on pills... but when they started to to have no efect on me, thats when I got fed up.
So essentially I was working sober for the last two months i was on pills!! crazy right, but i stilll had to buy them to get through my day. Now I feel the same way but im not on pills. Some of my co-workers even noticed a change in my behavior...watch out for that too guys....its not worth losing your job or anything like that.
Im happy that im off them, but I still have the odd deppressing/bored.long day. but its far better being clean and not having to worry about when im gonna score next.
For those of you wanting to fight it and get through the withdrawals...keep talking to people on here, and you will do it when you 'want' or 'need' to do it....no one can tell you to quit, you have to want it yourself....when ur time comes it will come. My advice is the earlier into your addiction the better, because as time goes by, the grip is stronger and harder to kick...but it is never impossible. Keep posting guys!
hey second go, you could be a professional when it comes to advice on here. You are so right about it getting harder. I ran out of my meds with a day and a half to go. I had some lortab 10s but that is nothing compared to roxis at 30mg each! Anyways, it eased the withdrawls somewhat but I still kept sneezing. It was all I could do to get through the days. As I have been only having about 1 to 2 pills of roxis for the last week. I hate running low but I have a friend that I usually end up giving some when she runs low. she is the one with the tabs. then when i am running low I have to take hers. It has become a viscious cycle. I have no energy. even when taking the meds. I know eventually I will get off completely. I just felt so horrible this past week. My knee I think is going to start feeling better soon. I hate to say so and then it not but it felt great the after the first 2 days then by week 1 started hurting like crazy again. My doc had the same surgery and he said his did the same thing and then by week 3 it started easing up a lot. Something in there has to rejuvenate he said. Anyways.....just a little down I guess. I think it has something to do with all the chemicals going haywire with the lack of meds and then today I got them filled and I have only taken 3 today but almost immediately after the first pill (within the first hour) all of the wd's went away. Isn't that amazing? Don't they make something for that? Something that takes away the wd's without doing detox? Not methadone either! God I never want to do that after reading some horror stories on here.
Well I wish I was as strong as you are. Good luck and keep on resisting the temptation. The depression and agony are not worth the few mins of bliss. Or hours I guess if you get enough. what do they say "one is too many and a thousand is never enough" ttyl
you said you ran out of your meds. Its interesting because the times i quit was when I either ran out of meds, or a buddy didnt come through with some meds he owed me.
Sometimes it takes an external force to make it hard for us to access the pills, so that we can 'start' focusing on getting clean.
I really got serious about quitting this second time, when a friend of mine said he was gonna come by with two morphine 100s he owed me, well he didnt and I suffered that night, but I woke up, and decided I was gonna call it quits right there...and I did. And when he came to me 3 days later (grrrrrr) I told him to keep them (almost as if i had contempt for him not bringing them to me, and I wanted him to deal with them and suffer now...note this was not a friend rather an aquaintance who i barely knew, so I didnt have much emotional investment). I dont wish this on anyone but i was fired up that day, and it turned out to be my blessing in disguise. I still see this guy time to time...he still uses, and he doesnt seem like hes going to stop anytime soon (hes battled on and off since he was 15....hes 25 or 26 now, still hustles for whatever he can get. We are cordial, as a matter of fact hes quite informative, but thats where our interaction stops.
on a lighter side of things. I love not needing opiates. For sooo long I needed them to get through my day, they became like part of my diet. I couldnt be social without being on something...ive finally got back to where I can deal with reality (sometimes it bites....but so does spending you know how much on drugs!). For those who think they will never get back to that normal feeling, its completley possible, and I used to think the same way, I was very cynicle, and started to view the world differently, in a negative light (thats just the drugs altering and affecting your dopamine and seratonin levels.
yes we will always think about our drug of choice, that doesnt go away. but now when I think about it ..its not a craving..its more like an "ive conquered this part of my life and dont want to look back". I also worry about all the people, especially teens who will be facing withdrawals and detox in the next while, because holy $%^& a lot of people are on pills, and they are either going to be on them forever, or will have to face the dreadful detox day!...
But hey!! I did it Twice, plenty people have done it on here! I dont know how I stumbled on this board but its great, and I think everyone should forward the link to this site to someone that is using alot. And say that your not judging them, rather this is a board that helped you and think that they may find it informative......ready for bed, good nite ppl!
You are truly amazing second go. I miss you not posting on here as much but I know your life is more complete now and you are not going through the struggle still. I am so happy for you. Now marry that girlfriend and have a couple babies!!! Only if you are ready. Remember life is short and don't let someone u love get away. I am doing the taper. I have made up my mind. I went through hell till I got my script and I am not doing it again. I told my friend (after I paid her back the pills I owe her) that I can not give her anymore if she runs out because I run out and it is hell for me. I have enough though to do this and I am taking aleve on a regular basis and I think it is starting to work. Second go, I am wondering if I will be able to cut down to 2 pills a day. and maybe stay on them and not raise the dose. I know u get tolerant but I am going to try to switch things up and work out more and I really don't think I crave as much mentally as physically. That is not to say I don't to some degree because I think my brain chemicals are messed up and until they can produce some of their own feel good rays I don't know what to do. I have been on medicine for 3 years but before that I have never took anything except zoloft and I take cymbalta now so I am hoping some of the chemicals in that will help my brain start firing again. Do you think a lower dose of pain pills will help me achieve that. I am going to do baby steps and if I can cut down to 2 a day then maybe I can stop. In the beginning I only took 1 in the morning cause that is my worse time and then I sold the rest to a drug addict friend (I am not proud of that) but she kept hounding the hell outta me and had plenty of money and I was broke and needed to buy school clothes for my kids. Like I said I aint proud of it. But sometimes it is like oh well she is gonna go get em somewhere so what the he$$. anyways that part is over for me. When my doc gives me a drug test will he be able to tell I have decreased my meds. I really don't want him to know yet.
Today I have only taken 1/2 pill at 9 and 1/2 pill at 1pm. then at 3 I took a ritlin cause I have no energy. You know with the fibromyalgia comes chronic fatigue and I don't want to sit in house all day. It is beautiful out and 75 degrees here. I love the south. It is so peaceful. Not much going on though. I am so proud of you second go. U are truly inspiring for all of us slackers here! lol.... have u heard from ravensgirl. I miss her. I don't know what is going on with corissa. read some of his posts. Something is missing. I feel like something else is going on with him and he just isn't ready to share. I told him we won't judge him. he is having a really tough time of it. I feel bad for him. Musicman is posting some again. He is tired of the taper he says. I know what he is going through totally. I think he and I are going through sort of the same situation because he says he really doesn't exceed his meds. That is what I don't understand. If you have 120 roxi 30mg pills and take them as prescribed with an occasional extra if pain is bad, are u an addict of just physically dependent? In my experience with addicts (friends in low and high places) they usually gobble up as many as possible as soon as possible. That is why I am not convinced that I am full fledge addict. I am full fledge dependent on them though but I have no desire to do them excessively. I am messed up second go! I am having confusing feelings again about my ex whom I thought I hated and was through with. We have a lot of history together. I can count on him sometimes and sometimes not. He just has such mood swings and such an addictive personality that if he does go to doc and they give him xanax or benzos he will go crazy on them and it is awful. I can't trust him to just do what is right with meds. At least i am not freaking out and slobbering on myself. that is what he will do if he takes xanax. Oh well I guess time will tell. I am sorry to ramble. Just feeling a little melancholy about everything. I have an 18 year old daughter that acts 30. I should be glad but I feel like she is giving up her youth. she is so serious. she goes to college in her second year and works a job. she has a bf that is in a dead end job and doesn't want to go any further. he lives in a house his granny owns so he don't pay rent therefore he is happy with 8 dollars an hour. She is going to break up with him though I just feel it. She is beautiful and could have anybody. I don't know what attracts her to him. She likes guys with dark hair and dark eyes. Like indians or italians. she is red haired and green eyed and doesn't have any freckles cause i always kept sun screen on her. she is a beauty. there is just something going on and she won't tell me and i am worried. thats what us moms do we worry! lol....she will be 19 soon and acts like an old lady i told her. lol....well take care and keep posting us good things.
The following user gives a hug of support to oxygirl: second go (03-18-2011)
just droppin in to say yes i am still off opiates, yes i still read everyones threads, and yes you can get through whatever battle your up against.
you just need to talk, ask questions, and answers to small solutions will show themselves..then answers to the bigger questions will come to you. you just have to keep the communication going. there are so many knowledgable people on this board. and i keep reading about successes.
so keep the comunnication going, I ranted for 2 months before I got all my answers and support. But couldnt have done it without the people here. And if you have a friend with an issue, refer them to this board, because it is great for specific issues (home->message boards-->topics) to this one which is my favorite because I know so many people w addictions going through recovery.
Heres to approx 60 days off opiates! thnx guys and good luck!
The following user gives a hug of support to second go: Biggzzz (03-18-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to second go For This Useful Post: Biggzzz (03-18-2011)
well thats great considering that your body still requires the medication, but you are on the right track by attempting to cut back. Your body will adjust to you needing less and it will be less uncomfortable for you as time passes. Good goin, that takes determination, keep it up..the less youre on, the easier the landing when you decide to take it down another notch!
I remember thinking that I would always need the pills to get through the day, and feared having to cut down, and eventually kick the habit. But we go through stages...--> frustration ->fear ->pain ->awareness ->weakness ->depression -> and then eventually we get to a point where we can forget about the meds running our lives.
My friends occasionally use, and It doesnt bother or trigger me anymore. It took me a few months to get to this point but I did it, and it is something I didnt think I could do. Keep it up, Your a great help to alot of people on here too ...enough pattin each other on the back...lets keep fightin this. Again, I fear the upcoming generation of people who just found out about pain meds in the last few years, got into them heavy, and are going to be seeking help.
If youre out there, on meds that you are not prescribed, the earlier you attempt to get off of them, the easier it will be.
I had a friend tell me "be careful..it creeps up on you then your into a habit..." I said "yea....I can quit now....but I can also quit next month..."
I didnt know how serious it was and I chose to quit 'later'.....well 'later' meant a year later, and it was very difficult getting clean. However It is possible with the right guidance and inner strength. It took a few of my friends telling me that they notice a difference in me, for me to take it seriously as well.
Im greatful I was able to find the strength... and this board!, cause id probably still be on that downward spiral.
Last edited by second go; 03-18-2011 at 10:05 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to second go: Biggzzz (03-18-2011)
Couldn't have said it better my self, great information in that last post Second. You got this man! and OG I have all the faith in the world in you that you can overcome this too! I'm here for you guys!
The Following User Says Thank You to Biggzzz For This Useful Post: second go (03-18-2011)
It really did take a lot of determination just to not take that 4th pill. I haven't noticed any increase in my pain level. My goal is to see how far down I can go and determine how much "pain" is real pain or withdrawl pain. There really is a difference between the 2. Withdrawl pain makes u hurt more Everywhere. The physical pain is always going to be there from my injuries but I really am hoping to control it with otc meds or a very low dose of pain pill and a combination of the otc meds. I do not want to be a slave to the drugs. I have been doing this a week so pretty soon I am going to eliminate another 1/2 pill. I currently am taking 1/2 every 4 hours which adds up to 3 pills a day. which is 90mg. That really is still a lot compared to like people who take 4 percoset very 6 hours. There is only 40mg of oxycodone in those. all together i mean. So I am going to wait a few more days and try to knock down 1/2 more. Ima chicken!!!!!! lol I still feel better though and guess what if my "friend" leaves me alone this will be the first month I go back to the doc and am not running to the drug store because I am short! That is a great feeling in and of itself. Thanks guys.....some of the best friends a girl can have. You have been lots of help and listened to me go on like crazy about stuff not even related to the meds. I do appreciate it.
all i can say is youve got the right idea and plan. Many people would say oh I have Fibromyalgia so im gonna hit my doc up for as many pills as i can and have a blast. Youre taking the responsible and sensible route. Dont be afraid to taper slowly, but I do agree that tapering is the right idea. You'll know when you hit your unbearable point, and I agree u are dependent but not addicted.
People all around the world take medicine for different illnesses, its just a matter of finding out what you 'need' right... cool, keep'er up
The Following User Says Thank You to second go For This Useful Post: oxygirl (03-19-2011)