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Old 01-09-2011, 07:48 AM   #1
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Second Go

Hi all, im new here and have been reading yout threads, theyve helped me with my addiction. I kicked a 2 year oxy addiction last year cold turkey (IT WAS HELL) and i worked as I was withdrawing.

Anyways I was proud of my self, and body was back to normal, so i decided id get an oxy 40 to celebrate..How dumb was that, now im on oxys again, and morphine capsules 100mg greys, and the occasional clonazepam anti-anxiety when Im not on oxys (I never mix as I know that is extremely harmful)

I want to quit again, so heres the start of my 'second go' at getting clean. I cant afford pills, and keeping the secret from my gf sucks too.. so far today I took a morphine 50 mg, gone see how long I can go without needing anything. and my problem is i stock up and always have a ziplock with oxys, morphine, dillys, valium, clonazepam, etc)

This is the start to my jouney once again, I know I cant do it cold turkey this time, so lets see what happens, and i cant go to a detox, I work full time....thnx for listening gys, and any feedback willl be appreciated greatly! - SECOND GO

 
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Old 01-09-2011, 10:03 AM   #2
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Re: Second Go

and my God do I hate TOLERANCE, i swear sometimes a 100 morph does nothing for me, except myb take a bit if the egde off, anyways, im going to journal my usage here..I will write every time i use, i will use this as a push for me to do longer intervals between doses, and I use your threads as strenghth. so far today Ive taken 50 mg of morphine, and a dilauded 8. I will post when I use next, and im hoping for a longer stretch between using as I want to taper quickly. I will not bullsh!t here, if I mess up, yall will know, I have no shame that way, I just would like to show how it can be done for someone who may be on the same boat as me...I also just took a one-a day vitamin and a b6, i might take an l-tyrosine for mental boost , but i find that those make ky mind race and i get anxious, so i prob wont (I save those for emergencys like if im barly functioning)..talk soon ppl ....

 
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Old 01-09-2011, 10:15 AM   #3
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Re: Second Go

Hi Second Go,

Welcome to the board

First, and most important, how often have you been taking the benzo's (valium clonazepam)? If you have been taking them often, you NEED to taper off, rather than cold turkey. You can have seizures and/or death if you stop these abruptly. When I was in rehab a couple years ago, a girl I knew had a 'grand mal' seizure cause she lied about how much benzo's she was taking and was weaned off too quickly. It is very important that you taper if your body is dependent on them.

Good for you, for wanting to get clean again. I too, rewarded myself once with Oxy's (for getting clean off Oxy's). What a dumb move. Getting clean may feel like it's almost impossible but believe me, that's the easy part. "Staying clean" is the hard part.

Do you have a plan once you've gotten clean again? Something has to change. If you keep the same lifestyle that you have right now, it's only a matter of time before you relapse again.

If nothing changes, nothing changes...

If you have Oxy's, do you mind if I ask why you wouldn't taper off, rather than cold turkey? Tapering is alot better on the body. Cold turkey throws everything off and it takes alot longer to bounce back.

If you are going to do it cold turkey, then I suggest you take a look at the "Sample Home Detox" thread at the top of the thread page. There are some great suggestions and very helpful tools to make it a little easier.

Keep posting, keep in touch and don't forget your goal - to be clean!

Good luck,
emsmom

 
Old 01-09-2011, 10:24 AM   #4
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Re: Second Go

I forgot to add...

Keep busy. Find things to do. The worst thing for an addict trying to taper is to sit around "waiting" to see what wil happen.

It is very hard to motivate yourself when you are having withdrawals, however it really helps to get outside and do something. You can take a walk (with a destination in mind), go out for dinner, hit your local indoor pool etc.

Exercise is one of the best things you can do.

Good luck, Second Go!


 
Old 01-09-2011, 01:04 PM   #5
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Re: Second Go

about the benzos, Ill do a couple a week, maybe a valium on tues and a clonazepam say thurs or something, I havnt had any for a week, I think ill stay off em now, thanks for the input.

And the reason I cold Turkey'd the first time is that I was at a rave 9 hours away from home, and I ran out, and NO ONE had opiates up there, I felt like an outkast, so yeah, I was literally forced to cold turkey it (was rough).

I do plan on weaning off this time....last morphine i took was 5 hrs ago 50 mg...imma try to keep it goin as long as i can today.

appreciate the feedback! I find that conversation helps a lot too. Most people try to do it all by themselves....which is dangerous and difficult.... ill log latr tonight..

oh edit: I work full time so Im busy always

Last edited by second go; 01-09-2011 at 01:05 PM.

 
Old 01-09-2011, 01:36 PM   #6
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Re: Second Go

Well good luck to ya !! I was in the same boat a year ago, and yea its pure hell,and everytime you relaps it does get harder and harder on the body,soul and mind it truely does. I did some research on dr. For addiction found one and was put on subxone it works really well for me and is a great pain medicine also.(for me ) i hope everything works out for you.

 
Old 01-09-2011, 04:14 PM   #7
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Re: Second Go

Good luck, keep us posted.

emsmom

 
Old 01-09-2011, 05:43 PM   #8
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Re: Second Go

well managed till about 3pm, then needed a dillaudid 8. Im curious about suboxone, wish I could get it on the street (where i go, they have everything but suboxone and xanax pretty much), im not into going to see a doc n all of that.

so 50 mg morph this morning, and a dilaudid 8 at 3 pm. thats better than i usually do by 3pm. ill probably take a valium around 8 pm to reduce anxiety, and try to fall asleep.

a little back history as to how i detoxed the first time... I went to a 6 day rave 9 hrs away from home, and didnt bring enough oxys with me, well i ran out day 2, and thought someone up there would have opiates....nope, i felt like an outkast. so I was forced to detox in 4 days. it was rough but actually a blessing in disquise. I find it ironic that i detoxed where everyone was doing drugs!

im going to try to reduce my intake everyday by a bit, so this is kind of a running journal, that im open to discussing with you all if u feel.

i went through oxy detox once so i know the stages if anyone had any questions. it was rough, but i battled it with gatorade, trail mix, salmon, hikes (although i was flu-like weak) but excercise is important. Gravol helped me sleep at night, as well as melatonin. I took immmodium ad for the runs, cause it comes up when u least expect it. the anxiety is tough to deal with, i was very depressed for the first 6 day, I'd break down crying and getting very emotional when ever i heard a sad story. i d hit the school oval, and walk about 5 laps to get my energy up. L-Tyrosine is good for energy in the morning when you dont feel like doing anything, it gives you a bit of 'umph' to get going.

The important thing is to realize that you are not the only one going through this, although it seems like it...you feel like your going through it alone. I also needed to find good music that helped elevate my mood, this was important, as it releases dopamine and endorphins, etc. My sex drive , which was nil, got better, and I was able to be intimate with my gf again.

funny how im offering advice, because im going to be going through all of this all over again except not cold turkey. let me know if you have any questions about the time you stop taking the opiates until complete detox.

so today 50 mg morphine, dilly 8, and a valium later. Tommorrow I hope to do less, we shall see....

 
Old 01-10-2011, 12:28 AM   #9
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Re: Second Go

Welcome! Good for you wanting to quit. As you probably know, relapse is a part of addiction. You have done it before, and you seem to be pretty informed of things that will help get you through it. But as someone else said, benzos are very dangerous. Also, have you been to AA/NA meetings? Aftercare is so important. Find a sponsor you can trust.

Also, how are you hiding this from your gf? Are the two of you serious? How old are you? You must be honest with her if you care about saving your relationship. She will either forgive you and be there for support, or she may leave. Lying gets you nowhere. Addiction affects everyone involved. It's a selfish disease. Without trust, there's nothing.
Good luck, keep us posted.

 
Old 01-10-2011, 01:51 AM   #10
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Re: Second Go

hello 813....it is difficult hiding this from my gf (i am 35 and shes 30 btw). I havnt told her that i relapsed quite yet, but I have told her that I went and got some anxiety pills the other day. She of course was dissapointed, but i said i just needed a few to get over some stress. she is amazingly supportive and i might have to tell her soon, or i may say i have the flu, when i do decide to go through my withdrawals.

You are right, being transparent is the best thing, we'lll see how that unfolds in the next few days. so its 12 am here , i woke up to go to washroom, and took 30mg of codeine as i am achy, yet able to sleep. last was a valium at 8pm to take the edge off. and yes i am leary of the benzo use, i feel as though if i take an opiate in the morning, and ride it out till evening, i can take a valium and settle to bed, making it less opiate in my system...however i do not want to get caught in a benzo addiction, which so far i havnt (i have taken valium or clonazepam 3 times in the last week).

so im going back to sleep. I only have 1 morphine 100mg left and 3 codeine 30mgs left, so im going to get 4 more morphines in the morning. as I said im trying to taper down, but dont have a mapped out plan yet. I just know what i didyesterday (morphine 50 mg, dilly 8, valium 10, and now a codeine 30). I plan on doing less tommorrow, ill see how that goes. The friend of mine who is also trying to kick oxys, told me yesterday he tried to refrain, but had to take an oxy at 230 pm. Were both trying to ween off.

Maybe tommorr Ill take 50 morphine in am , do half the dilly at 3 (4mg) and try to not do the valium at bedtime (i do not want benzo dependence). Il take a melatonin at bedtime any other suggestions on how to go to bed without the edge? thanks for your input everyone. This is quite different than when I did it cold turkey, so its new to me all over again. im heading back to bed for another 6 hrs b4 i have to wake up for wrk. later!

 
Old 01-10-2011, 06:52 AM   #11
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Re: Second Go

well good morning. ive woken up 5:30 am and took my 50 mg morphine. i will read some of your threads for motivation, the go to work in 45 min.

i also take my one-a-day vitamin/b6/vit c everyday (gf and i need to restock up on vit d and omega 3s which r part of our daily. (note: she is trying to kick a cocaine habit, she'll do a half gram once or twice a week when drinking w her girlfriends... and she gnarls at me when I say i did an ativan or something...I resent that hipocracy, but ignore it at the same time. She is slwing down because she hates the cocaine withdrawal...I used to do it with them, but completely quit because I hate the come-down)

so yesterday was 50 mg morphine at 8 am, dilly 8 at 3 pm, and valium 10 at 8pm, also a codeine 30 at midnight when i woke up.

i am truly going to try to intake a little less each day, and i think leave the benzos alone (ive read from too many ppl that benzo w/d is worse than opiate w/d, and i know how bad opiate w/d is, sooo, no valium tonight.

im off to work, and will journal my next dose, whatever it might be. and damn my tolerance, this 50 mg of morphine just gets me to wear im not aching, i still have anxiety, i used to LOVE taking that oxy 40 and all anxiety would be gone....BUT, i refuse to touch that demon of a drug anymore...so i have minor anxiety, a coffee helps put me at ease a little (i think its the ritual rather than the cafeine that helps me, cause the caffeine should actually be making my anxiety worse) later.......

 
Old 01-10-2011, 12:05 PM   #12
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Re: Second Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by second go View Post
well good morning. ive woken up 5:30 am and took my 50 mg morphine. i will read some of your threads for motivation, the go to work in 45 min.

i also take my one-a-day vitamin/b6/vit c everyday (gf and i need to restock up on vit d and omega 3s which r part of our daily. (note: she is trying to kick a cocaine habit, she'll do a half gram once or twice a week when drinking w her girlfriends... and she gnarls at me when I say i did an ativan or something...I resent that hipocracy, but ignore it at the same time. She is slwing down because she hates the cocaine withdrawal...I used to do it with them, but completely quit because I hate the come-down)

so yesterday was 50 mg morphine at 8 am, dilly 8 at 3 pm, and valium 10 at 8pm, also a codeine 30 at midnight when i woke up.

i am truly going to try to intake a little less each day, and i think leave the benzos alone (ive read from too many ppl that benzo w/d is worse than opiate w/d, and i know how bad opiate w/d is, sooo, no valium tonight.

im off to work, and will journal my next dose, whatever it might be. and damn my tolerance, this 50 mg of morphine just gets me to wear im not aching, i still have anxiety, i used to LOVE taking that oxy 40 and all anxiety would be gone....BUT, i refuse to touch that demon of a drug anymore...so i have minor anxiety, a coffee helps put me at ease a little (i think its the ritual rather than the cafeine that helps me, cause the caffeine should actually be making my anxiety worse) later.......


Its true. Benzo withdrawal is CLINICALLY worse than opiates w/d.

Probably something to do with the seizure factor ..... I believe you have a great chance of having seizures with benzo withdrawal.

 
Old 01-10-2011, 01:01 PM   #13
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Re: Second Go

agree with you on the benzo thing. Im not touching it. however I am a bit dissapointed at myself, Its 11:50 am and i took a dilly 8. I wanted to wait it out like i did yesterday (yesterday i took it at 3 pm). technically i should be waiting till after 3 pm so im having longer intervals between doses. well im not going to beat myself up over it, but I am going to bypass the valium tonight, and alltogether in future.

so far today 50 mg morphine at 5:30 AM...dillaudid 8 at 11:50 am... Im now going to ride it out as long as i can before taking another dilly or morphine.

BTW I crush up the morphine 50 with a spoon, and put it into boiling hot water, and drink it as a tea. Maybe ill have a 25 mg tea tonight before bed. I just want to do less and less. wish i didnt do this dilly, it hasnt affected me at all cause of my tolerance, i just saw it and impulsively took it, slap on wrist!! talk to yall before i go to bed.... im very achy at this point ..it SUCKS (an oxy 20 would have made me feel better in minutes when i used to do them; im glad i have the will power not to get sucked in to that nowadays...its a great feeling)

Last edited by second go; 01-10-2011 at 01:03 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2011, 03:19 PM   #14
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Re: Second Go

Yes, don't beat yourself up! Keep posting, and try to stay as positive as you can. You can do this!!!

 
Old 01-10-2011, 04:49 PM   #15
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Re: Second Go

Im a bit curious about suboxone treatment. Ive read a lot of pros and some cons as well...any input from anyone here?

and i havnt touched anything since the dilly at 11:30... im agrivated and mopey, but i know why...but it still doesnt take away the agro feeling..

 
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