This is the first time i am telling my story, and trying to reach out for help. I am an addict. After years of a serious, chronic ankle injury, with many surgeries, I finally started getting percocet for the pain. and then i fell in love. after the most recent surgery some months back, i was getting massive amounts of my drug of choice, and it got so bad that, at times, i could take 20-40 in a day (long days, but i'm sure you guys know all about that). to feed my addiction when i'd run out and have to wait a few days till i could get more, i would order tramadol online. well i'd run through the 180 of those in a matter of days too. even had 3 seizures over the time period i was on tramadol, yet it didn't stop me. just kept going, would complain to orthopedist and get percs from him, then go to the pain mgmt doc and get tons more from him (of course neither knew the other was prescribing too). and when all of that wasn't enough, i'd work my mom to get some of the percocet she was legitimately given for health problems of her own.
So I hit my brick wall. some call it bottom, but i guess i just see it as my brick wall. i ran out of everything, and after the debate about whether i should try and get them on the street, thank god something kicked in and i decided it was time. i went to my pain doc and gave him the honest truth that i was hooked, and clearly needed to get off them. he prescribed a very low, measured, tapered program, including very low levels of clonidine and klonapin to help with the racing heart and panic attacks. i've made it through the first week. i have one more week to go. but now the dosage of narcotic (VERY, VERY low to begin with given how high my tolerance was for so long), is way, way down again, and by week's end, I will be off completely. i am sooooo excited for that time, but now i find i'm also so very scared too. it's so hard to make it hours & hours between having even the smallest bit of medicine. i make it a point not to abuse the klonapin because i know people can get hooked on that too. i've done a lot of drugs in my life, but never before did i use opiates, and boy is that my thing. could always kick everything else with no probs, but not this.
so after all my rambling (please forgive and hopefully remember this is the first time i'm speaking about it), i guess i'm looking for others' thoughts & advice. i keep as busy as i can, but i am so unbelievably lethargic all the time, sometimes even just sitting up in bed seems impossible. going out and being around people if not absolutely necessary--forget about it! i am DETERMINED to kick this. after so many temporary bouts of detox while waiting for more drugs, combined with what i've gone through in this medical, final withdrawal, i know the detox hell is worse than any euphoria or pleasure i ever got full of pills. anyone got any advice on how to beat the lethargy? is there any rough range or average amount of time it takes before that starts to get better? thanks for listening to all this, for any help anyone chooses to give, and good luck and God bless to all of us, especially those battling this.
Hello ravensgirl, and welcome. I am also new to this forum and the people here are helpful and full of good advice.
I have been through oxy withdrawal cold turkey once...I relapsed a month and half latr, and now Im battling detox again, only not cold turkey this time.
I know about the lethargic side of things. there were times when i couldnt get up off the couch. In part, it is because the pills have been making 'using your muscles' a breeze for your heart. The heart weakens because it hasnt been working at 100 percent. So dont push it too hard or you may faint..the heart is now working overrtime to get blood to your extremeties, and therefore the 'weak' feeling.
one thing I found helped was to just take it easy, but go for walks, as much as possible, start off with straight sidewalks, then bulid up to inclines and going uphill. This will 'wind' the heck out of you, but it is strengthening the heart again. mY weak feeling /flu symptoms lasted 6 or 7 days. Hot baths help w ith the aching.
another thing is give your body nutrients, vitamins, gatorade is great for replenishing electrolytes, vit b6 and b12 for energy. Immodium ad will help prevent you having the 'runs' every 10 minutes. And you can get L-Tyrosine from a health store, it is good for mental fatigue, and would give me a great boost in the mornings. Proteins are necessary as well ...light fish, chicken, eggs, etc
keep us up to speed with your recovery/detox. Ive started a thread "second GO" and I am journaling my weening off of opiates (morphine this time), and i am documenting day to day. I am hoping I get good advice along the way as well..This can not be done alone! Take care - 'second go'
Last edited by second go; 01-10-2011 at 08:15 AM.
The Following User Says Thank You to second go For This Useful Post: ravensgirl52 (01-10-2011)
I have to admit, after my 23,455th yawn, I gave up on the whole quitting cold turkey and opted for a much slower methadone detox. I have only experienced withdrawal ONCE in my lifetime of drug use and that single episode scared the crap outta me and I realized then that I am too weak (mentally) to do it or go thru it again. With methadone, I control the rate at which I come off. I haven't gotten to that point yet either but I am still on the fence as to whether I want to come off methadone.
It does wonders for my pain and since it works for withdrawal, heck, its two birds with one stone.
Good luck to you. Very commendable you wanting to put an end to your addiction. Thats something I want more than anything, just not ready yet.
Keep your eyes focused on your goal and by the sounds of it, nothing will get in your way.
I'd pray for you but prayer did nothing for me so I'll wish you good luck.
The Following User Says Thank You to corissa3 For This Useful Post: ravensgirl52 (01-10-2011)
Hello ravensgirl, and welcome. I am also new to this forum and the people here are helpful and full of good advice.
I have been through oxy withdrawal cold turkey once...I relapsed a month and half latr, and now Im battling detox again, only not cold turkey this time.
I know about the lethargic side of things. there were times when i couldnt get up off the couch. In part, it is because the pills have been making 'using your muscles' a breeze for your heart. The heart weakens because it hasnt been working at 100 percent. So dont push it too hard or you may faint..the heart is now working overrtime to get blood to your extremeties, and therefore the 'weak' feeling.
one thing I found helped was to just take it easy, but go for walks, as much as possible, start off with straight sidewalks, then bulid up to inclines and going uphill. This will 'wind' the heck out of you, but it is strengthening the heart again. mY weak feeling /flu symptoms lasted 6 or 7 days. Hot baths help w ith the aching.
another thing is give your body nutrients, vitamins, gatorade is great for replenishing electrolytes, vit b6 and b12 for energy. Immodium ad will help prevent you having the 'runs' every 10 minutes. And you can get L-Tyrosine from a health store, it is good for mental fatigue, and would give me a great boost in the mornings. Proteins are necessary as well ...light fish, chicken, eggs, etc
keep us up to speed with your recovery/detox. Ive started a thread "second GO" and I am journaling my weening off of opiates (morphine this time), and i am documenting day to day. I am hoping I get good advice along the way as well..This can not be done alone! Take care - 'second go'
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WARM WELCOME! Really need the support right now. I, too, have done the cold turkey thing, again, just when I ran out, and thank God this medical, gradual detox is so much better (though not at all a bed of roses lol). I actually have all the B vits, needed and took them for a long time, just stopped keeping up when I was in my full-blown addiction. And I so hear ya on the Immodium, but thankfully, I'm past that need now. I am back on my vits, but will take time to build back up in my system. And there's another thing I'm not sure will help, but posting in case it does. I've had a low immune system for awhile, and my doc told me to take IGG (immunoglobulin). It is made by Xymogen, but sadly, my insurance doesn't cover it, and you'd have to check your pharmacies to see who might carry it. Compounding pharmacies usually do. It is in capsule form, and while I'm not sure if the addiction worked to lower my immune system, I'm supposed to take them anyway, they're all natural, and maybe that will help kick my body back into function more quickly. I will keep posting, keep reading the help from others like you, and never forget how much hell detox is--hopefully that'll help to keep me on this road. Thanks again!
i havnt heard if IGG, and the depression is natural. I find that ill be at home hating everything thats on tv, hating the thought of seeing or talking to friends, and hating the idea of going out. BUT, I know consciously that it is all because of my low seratonin levels and dopamine levels... so Ill force myself every now n then, and I find that interactions with my friends, or people i meet while im out (or on a message forum) gives me a boost. Just take it a day at a time.
its funny when i was detoxing I hated EVERYTHING on tv and thought the world was wierd and stupid, etc...when I got clean, it was the complete opposite, I liked everything..i started liking certain tv shows again (i dont watch much tv)...but I just had a better outlook after that initial week or two... my advice, just hangon, and communicate with your friends, go to places you used to like . for me it was the CD store, Chapters book store, clothing stores that my friends own, even coffee shops that i'd frequent, and the beach, and lakes. try to go to places that used to make you happy.
Once again, you are a tremendous help, and I thank you. In this second week, I am still so scared of what I'll feel like once there's nothing in me anymore, but I take comfort in hearing & believing that I'll get my normal self back somehow, some way. I wouldn't call it luck, but one of my best friends, having been a chronic, daily marijuana smoker, is detoxing off that now (her drug of choice, and every drug effects every person differently). Her experience is mirroring mine as we speak. She can't eat, can't sleep, is irritable and moody with everyone. I hurt for what she's going through, not just cuz I know it well, but also cuz she's like my sis, thus I love her, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But, along with people like you, those on this site who can/will contribute their knowledge & support, and having my best friend to commiserate with as we fight together, I feel innately stronger already. I've started reading your thread too, and find it as helpful as this one has already been for me. Thank you again, and you keep it up too!
Second go gave you great advice. Have you both read the first sticky thread in this forum? It's very informative and may help you both with even more tips. God bless, and I hope you both continue to post. There are a lot of supportive, wonderful people here. Good Luck! Roxy
Thank you both so much! In reading that plan/outline, not only did I learn a lot, but also felt safer and more optimistic that I have many of the staple items already at hand and in use. Wish I would have read prior to start of detox, as was the best recommendation, but better late than never, right? I'm finding it much easier to get through longer periods of time at night asleep than during the day. I'm sure due to the more active brain while awake lol. Eating, especially on a regular daily basis, is still tough, but I plan to add more of the fruits & veggies recommended. I guess I've made it this far, and a week ago posting anything, sitting upright for that matter, woulda been almost if not impossible, so the worst is surely over. Just tweaking with the very little bit of opiate I still have via the detox regimen so that I am more covered during the day, less while I sleep, while still not upping the amount I'm allowed to take each day. Still so scared that, after it's all out of me (not even the last 1/2 pill a day for 3 days at the end), that things will still be very bad. But I keep telling myself, "one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time." And btw, YOU GUYZ RULE!!!
Ok folks, I am, in fact, fairly computer savvy, but having not done much by way of message boards before now, not sure if this is the right way to post my next bit of comment on this thread. Thankfully, I'm sure you guys will get it anyway Today has been such a mixed bag. Thanks to everyone who referenced the sample plan; I can assure you it helped me earlier. For months, probably a year or 2 at this point honestly, I couldn't even get out of bed before popping a pill. Would do that like it was my first awakened breath, then sit till it took effect, then get on with my day. Well yesterday I really got hardcore on my vitamins, minerals, tolerable foods, etc. And low & behold, this morning, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I was able to get right out of bed, get ready and dressed, and make it to the bank and a couple errands--all w/o that first pill of the day (only on 1/2 a pill, twice a day now, but you know what I meant). I was so proud of myself, and actually got kinda excited--like the light at the end of this tunnel was finally visible.
I take nothing away from that, and I treasure this first really sober morning after so long. But then the flipside hit. Tried to eat shortly after getting back and couldn't. All the crummies kinda started up again, maybe as if to remind me that I'm not out of the woods yet, and not to take a single thing for granted. Is it "normal" or common in this process, especially being 10 days into detox, to have this mixed bag? To go days w/o some of those preliminary detox symptoms I originally had, and then have some of them come back again? I'd so appreciate any feedback anyone might have on this. Quite frankly, it scares me to think this could be my up & down roller coaster long after I finish the opiate part of the detox. I am still taking my vitaveetavegamins lol, and won't stop. But maybe others have more ideas or experiences of how they dealt with these up & down days that can help. As always, thanks for taking the time to read my deal, and for any help that may follow
yes, there will be ups and downs. But really think about your morning, and how each morning you dont take your pill, tht it is slowly getting out of your system. Stay striving! and when the aches come up, look at them as tests to see if you'll go back several steps along the way to reovery, like someone in a race grabbin you and pushing you back to 35th place instead of 28th place where you worked hard to get.
second go, i hope you know your strength, no matter what your detox road is!!! i did get desperate tonight, and was at the point i wanted to sacrifice the last 1/2 for Saturday just to get one more 1/2 tonight, if not worse. but in reading your post, and turning to my friend who's battling with me, i'm now at midnight and i can make it. THANK YOU!!! after a wasteland of isolation and shame, maybe i've finally found an oasis. i am immeasurably grateful!
man u guys must really be tired of me, but nowhere else to go to express what i know you guys have gone/are going through. it's 3:30a.m here, and i did EVERYTHING i was supposed to in order to avoid taking anything. I spoke to a caring, understanding friend from 8:30p.m. to 12:30p.m. I took my vitamins and minerals. I ate healthy, vitamin-rich foods, and took the recommended dose of klonapin to go to bed. yet still, at 3p.m., after struggling for over 3 hours, i literally could not sleep, and laid in pain words can't adequately express. so i had to go get one more 1/2 pill. these aren't seriously strong percocets--they are 5's. but i literally could not sleep w/o something, having gone like 12 hours since the last one. i have believed in the super fast, radical detox my doc laid out. maybe i just can't do that after all i've been on for so very long. i feel like such a failure. maybe i should go to some place where they do a longer detox for those who've used so very many for so very long? i am fighting with all i have, but apparently, i'm losing the battle. maybe i should just stop bothering people here and do what i have to do. i want these out of me, just can't seem to go from 12-40 a day, every day, to 1/2 a pill once or twice a day this quickly. so i'll stop bothering those of you succeeding in your detox. good luck and god bless to you all.
Firstly, let me apologize for my late night rant. This is my first time trying to detox for real, and it is a very rapid program. I'm nearing the end of the main phase, and I was just in so much pain and got so scared, so didn't know what else to do but verbally vomit it here lol. I have taken in all the great help/advice given me here, and I continue to fight. As scared as I am, and I am so very scared as the days go by, I am determined to fight this, and never go through this again. So please accept my apology for that last post, and thanks to all!
not quite sure i get the jest of your post. So youre having hard time with your detox, hey! join the club...thats why we are all here. can you clarify what the 1/2 is? sorry i might have missed it it one of your earlier posts, did you say you needed a percocet. There will be days where you simply cant take it, and you need that perc.
Ill tell you how hard my detox was the first time. long story short I was at a rave in the kootenays of BC for 5-6 days, I ran out of pills on day 2, but could not find anyone who i could buy opiates from. so by day 4, i was going nuts and i was going to drive the 9 hrs back home so I could get pills. did you hear that?? i was going to leave one of the craziest parties ever, and drive 9-10 hrs back home to go in the morning and score oxys or percs. Thats how strong the drug is!!!!! Now mu gf wouldnt let me leave her there, I was sooo mad cause she didnt understand what oxy withdrawals were ( I was doing an 80 a day)
my point being, dont think your 'wasting our time' or 'that you failed'. We are all battling an addiction of some sort and it is extremely hard. So what, you need more percs, take it one day at a time, if you 'mess up' the program you had planned for yourself no biggie. Take your perc, so you dont get sick, and go from there. I for one am still interested in your recovery, whether it takes one week or one year. dont give up, alright.. this gets harder than we may think, and sometimes we just need to self-medicate, but i give you positive encouragement to stay on your path, theres gonna be stumbles along the way ...trust me. There are thousands of people in our situation, having the same pain and all trying to get off pills, and the number is growing, because oxys are becoming soo popoular in high schools, theres going to be more people with issues like ours. stay positive!...
Thank you for your wisdom and support! I was always on percocets, the 5s. and it got bad like yours did--could take 40 a day and love it. When I finally saw the doctor and got on this withdrawal schedule last week, it went from about 6-8 a day (what I was taking before I started detox) to 1 whole pill every 8 hours for 3 days, then 1 whole every 12 hours for 3 days, then 1/2 every 12 hours for 3 days, and now I'm on 1/2 per day, period. I had this amazing morning yesterday, accomplishing w/o that first 1/2 pill what I hadn't been able to in so very long. So maybe I got cocky. Then later in the day, the cravings and pain set in. And my crazy opiate mind got into all the fear--the fear that I am now on so little, that I will soon be off completely. I fought & fought to pass the time, did everything I could think of and had been so well-advised to by the kind people here, yet by middle of the night, even having taken my prescribed klonapin, I just couldn't sleep. Taking more bennies wouldn't have helped--what I needed was that 1/2 perc, which I took. That now means I will have one less day at 1/2 pill a day, thus more fear, and then also guilt. I felt I needed a slightly longer weening process given how much I'd been taking and as long as I'd been doing so. I know this is my mind, my addicted brain, telling me all these scary things to try and derail the progress I've made so far. And the big message that monster's sending me now is that all the hell of initial detox will come back in a few days when I have no more at all. I'm not trying to get through this sans pain and hard work. Was just in a bad place, especially coming off such a good one that morning. I'm not going to stop, I'm going to do my best to keep to this schedule and prepare myself for the weekend when all the opiates end. And while I know I can be safe here to talk, to get help, to be less than gloriously wonderful, my inexperience talking about this, along with my pain & anxiety last night came together to put me on a negative rant I felt bad about. And by the way, I really appreciate your telling me your story, about the rave, the lengths to which you were willing to go to feed the addiction. And I am very happy for you that you had a great gf who could, at least at the time, provide a reason to keep you from that 9 hour drive! So thank you again for taking the time to give me yet more support, for understanding my crazy long posts (they'll shorten I think as I get better with time), and for now, I guess I/we just deal with getting through today
one thing i did when i was going through withdrawals was , id get a few pills, just to have on my person. I felt that if I knew i had no more, then my mentality was oh **** im out of them, and anxiety would kick in!!! hardcore, but when i had a couple, I just didnt do them, but it helped my anxiety. kinda wierd, but it worked for me
hows today goin? dont be ashamed to say 'worse' if thats the case. were all here because we most likely have drug habits/addictions.
dont be worried about posting if you, for instance got more pills cause you couldnt handle the pain.
No one should ever try to sugar coat their posts here, honestly is important. The only one youre lying to is yourself (not saying you are, im just venting in general about the issue). I flubbed up the other day and did more than I had done the day before, but I journaled it as just that, I slipped, big deal. a lot of us are going to be here on this message board for a long time, withdrawals can go on for months/years.
im just sayin keep us posted, were interested in your progress, and every post might help someone else you just dont know, so keep em comin Ravensgirl!!!
hows today goin? dont be ashamed to say 'worse' if thats the case. were all here because we most likely have drug habits/addictions.
dont be worried about posting if you, for instance got more pills cause you couldnt handle the pain.
No one should ever try to sugar coat their posts here, honestly is important. The only one youre lying to is yourself (not saying you are, im just venting in general about the issue). I flubbed up the other day and did more than I had done the day before, but I journaled it as just that, I slipped, big deal. a lot of us are going to be here on this message board for a long time, withdrawals can go on for months/years.
im just sayin keep us posted, were interested in your progress, and every post might help someone else you just dont know, so keep em comin Ravensgirl!!!
Ok...I'll be the first to come clean...Ive done more methadone than I should have. I now have to go an entire day today and friday without my "drink". I was able to stave off the cravings when I was a hardcore drug addict but now for some reason, I take more than I should.
