Well im alive!! totallay feel like im going through all this to beable to relate to my father and what is last month of his life was like--have a new found respect for that man!
Today i feel the best ive have yet!!!! WoooooHooooo!!! Still have this weird shocking chill sensation- kinda like when someone just scared the shiiot out of u! It is getting better every day though. Didnt even take as valium last night before bed.
As i had said music is helping! Please second go-- dont forget the music! -i promise u it can be sedating and calming--hot baths too! I was scared to death but i think i have finally made it thru-and so will you! - i know you can do this.
I feel like ive been living in the dark and someone just turned on the lights- i see cob **** that i know have been there for at least six months. yesterday i put my ipod on the dock and my little girls looked at me as if i were a stranger! i got up and started singing and dancing w them! you should have seen their faces. i started pulling out furniture and entertainment centers--must of had enough cheerios to feed a small country and the dust-was discusting--all i could think about is how my dirty house resembled my dirty secrets and what the inside of my body must look like (cheerios resembling all the pills i took for 6 month and dirt and dust--all the smoking). ---I even decorated for Easter yesterday! I know every day is gonna be better. Today is March 1 st---sound like a perfect day for day 1--I will be here for you as you have for me--always! Everyone of you that have helped me, or just listened to me--even the lady who was the first to comment my post and scared the crap out of me-I want to thank you! I am a tuff cookie you see-no one can get the better of me. I just wanted to prove to myself that breaking an addiction can be done-stopping this cycle of how i grew up watching my parents chosing drugs over me stooped here with ME! Keep your eye one the prize--i really believe i was saved for a purpose.
Its not perfect though i had some mood swings going on yesterday-I speant a hour in the tub praying for god to heal me and forgive me. Also notice that my body lets me sleep exactly 8 hrs to the minute- woke up before my family and made them some strawberry waffles...just try to keep your mind busy even when u r to sick to get up at least listen to music and envision the old u and all that u want to accomplish when this is done-you do deserve a second chance second go to be a brand new u--so start deciding--what is it that u miss about the old u? what is it that u really wanna do that your addiction was keeping u from?
Thank you for again,
Carolyn ( big hugs to u all) Chin up-You run your life not your addiction-mind over body! Its a tough fight i got a feeling your gonna kick the shiot of this devil and take over!! keep my posted!