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Old 02-17-2011, 09:45 AM   #1
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Update

I ran out of my oxycodone yesterday and had my last of three at 4pm. By 11pm I was so miserable and anxiety riddled. I decided to tell my father I had relapsed again and did not know what to do. I told him with all the shame and embarssment. He gave me some of his vicodin to tie me over today but wants me to call the hospital detox unit again tommorow and go in. I am heavily weighing that option now, but I feel a bit better that I told him because if I decide to rough it out, at least I will not feel alone and he will know what is going on. I think the fact that I kept everything so secretive was making my attempts very difficult.

I have alot of thinking to do.

 
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Old 02-17-2011, 09:52 AM   #2
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Re: Update

Take the trip to detox! Get some outpatient or inpatient treatment. Don't feel guilty man, relapse is part of the process unfortunately, doesn't have to be but......Keep your head up, do the right thing! God bless
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Old 02-17-2011, 01:07 PM   #3
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Re: Update

musicman i can't remember.....do you take them for legitimate pain. I know you told me before but my alzheimer's is setting in....

 
Old 02-17-2011, 02:11 PM   #4
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Re: Update

I take them for legit pain (lower disc herniation).. But if I wasn't so lazy and taking the pills as an easy way out, I could certainly function and treat the problem without pain meds. So I really do not need to take them in the future to take care of the problem.

 
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Old 02-17-2011, 02:28 PM   #5
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Re: Update

i am sort of in your situation except i hate pain so much! i have fibromyalgia for starters then i have sever arthritis in my cervical spine and bones spurs that go down the spine and some sort of hemangioma that appeared between my first and second mri. i had the second one because of increased pain but they said that should be painless! in addition, i am having my right knee operated on next thursday and my left one done as soon as i can put all my weight on the right one again! So i have established that i have legit pain however, the roxicodone does help but i find that when my next dose is due and sometimes earlier, i feel withdrawls. not the pain that i take them for although that is not far behind! right now i am alternating an ice pack on right and left knee. i am miserable because i have taken a few too many pills this week and know i will be running short by the end. it totally sucks. until my knees went out i was exercising and managing the pain much better with not as many roxis

 
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:50 AM   #6
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Re: Update

ahhhh my music man posted FINALLY! i was going to start stapling poster to light poles and waering buttons....I wish i could help you...when i quit the only one that would talk to me was me....so i had no choice to stop cold turkey...I was takeing opiates for pain but they no longer contolled pain and only me to do their bidding....

kicking opiates are bad...if you can get into treatment try it....When I kicked it was 5 days of hell and by the 7 day i was eating still puking but eating and drinking water like a fish.........I am at 52 days clean....still hear pills in bottle rattleing....

Please dont feel bad or put shame or discust in your mind.....I AM FRICKIN PROUD OF YOU! and so is your Dad, cuz he never would have helped you if you werent serious. Before you go to rehad...do this for me? really look at yourself and say ..........I love myself enough to stop and make this work.....i dont love myself everyday cuz Im a witch....lol

We have your back...and if you slipp....I'll be here to pick you up! k? you are really like music? Listen to GODSMACK........awake...serenity...runni ng blind.....may give you a chance to see what I seeeeeeee......YOUR INNER LIGHT TRYING TO SHINE...dont be scared let it out..........

Always,
ki
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Old 02-18-2011, 10:22 AM   #7
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Re: Update

Thanks everyone. Some bad news, I will not be going to inpatient as my insurance will not pay for opiate detox. I got on last year under a loophole by saying I had a dependence on benzos ( which I didn't, I was using them for a month at .125 mgs of klonopin a night) But that is how they got me in for opiate treatment. So today is going to be my last day as I will have no more after today. My dad was kind enough to give me his today and he only did because my uncle died this morning and he did not want me to go through added stress.

I will stock up today on soft foods and liquids and get ready for my home detox. The lady at the treatment center did tell me to not feel ashamed if I need to go to ER for some fluids. She said just tell them what is happening and they will treat my with kindness. The treatment center is part of my hospital. So at least I feel I have a safety net.

 
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Old 02-19-2011, 10:01 AM   #8
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Re: Update

Take care musicman. We are here on the board for you. I have been cutting mine in half and trying to slow down on them. I am sick of opiate dependance and want to have a clear view of the world. Pain or no pain. what is worse. I feel like crap. I have been depressed and do not have any real reason to be. I am working on getting an idiot exhusband out of my house and out of my life, I have 3 beautiful kids though. I am only 42 years old and still have a lot of my life ahead of me. I do not want to keep staying in the bed because of depression. my doc put me on cymbalta this week and increased my depakote for migraines and he said it would help my moods. i definitely am not bipolar. although i have a great respect for those who are. i may have a little focus issues but that is it. i just freakin hurt and i hate it! So I am going to have my knee surgery Thursday hopefully some of that pain will get gone soon. Good luck in your detox. We will be thinking about u

 
Old 02-19-2011, 10:15 AM   #9
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Re: Update

music:

You did a very brave thing in telling your father, and now you know if you need the ER they won't treat you like a piece of garbage. YOU CAN do this!!! Take it a day at a time....get your immodium, hot baths, benedryl and other stuff in the home detox ready to go. I have faith in you.

My brother is doing an outpatient Alcohol treatment program after only 1 week in patient b/c his insurance would not pay. They saw him through the very dangerous part of the detox, and now he's doing 6months outpatient.

He's doing well. Christmas a year ago he was in ICU dying. Needless to say, he thought he could control his drinking, and this time was even worse.

You have your dad on your side...he may be dissappointed, but he's on you side (trust me when I say that).

Stick with whatever program you are working minute by minute or second by second if that is what you need to do.

I've already lost one brother to alcohol, I don't want to lose another! Do whatever you have to do to turn that corner bud!! We're pulling for you!!!

Blessings
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Old 02-19-2011, 10:49 AM   #10
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Re: Update

Day 2....hang in there..you might feel like dying but 5 days will go fast....get a heating pad for leg cramps....I'm holding the bucket and your hand.....here let me get my seahawks blankie for ya......muah! Xoxo
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Old 02-19-2011, 02:01 PM   #11
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Re: Update

Thanks you guys for the support. Actually today is the last day. I stretched the ones I had left and will be done when I go to bed tonight I am already in a state of panic of whats to come tommorow. I will be posting. I am scared and I know what is to come and I am doing my best to not think so negative. Thanks for all the support..Tommorow will be a different story for me and this is not my first time at the rodeo, but my mental psyche is destroyed. All I can think of is that I have gone too long doing this to my body and mind and I am fearful that I have ruined my brain from the abuse and it will never produce the chemicals again on it's own. This is what is upsetting me the most. The only drug I will be taking is Valium to help relax me. I have never taken benzos on a regular basis and I am not worried about cross addiction, but it is what I have and hopefully it will relax me enough.

 
Old 02-19-2011, 08:22 PM   #12
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Re: Update

Well everyone, it is 1120 and I just took my last 10 mgs of hydrocodone so the fun will begin when I wake up tommorow. I am already an anxiety riddled mess. I can not believe how wound up I am at this. I have been through this before and yes, it sucks for the first 4 days and then it gradually gets better for me. However, I am in such a mental depresssion that I do not even know how I will get through tommorow and the withdrawals will not be even in full force. Wish me luck and prayers.

 
Old 02-19-2011, 08:38 PM   #13
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Re: Update

On top of this, A close family friend, like an aunt passed away from cancer in December, another close family friend was diagnosed with 2 malignant brain tumors on Wednesday, my uncle died suddenly yesterday and I just found out that one of my close friend from High School lost her battle to breast cancer a few days ago. We are only 41. Do you think that I have a lot on my plate at this moment?

 
Old 02-20-2011, 04:14 AM   #14
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Re: Update

you know what I see? a lot of crap on your plate and not enough food to feed your soul. At 41...you should know death and disease is a part of life....I know its hard. I lost my Mom to Cancer about 2 yrs sgo..I still cry for her and my only brother was dx with cancer recently.....I can be compassionate and loving when needed but those are their crosses to bear...not mine!

For the next 10 days....I see My MusicMan....saddleing up and getting his rope and you are going to get down....when the time comes then you deal with the crap on your plate.....If you dont get these emotions and worrries OUT OF YOUR HEAD and get in the right frame of mind,,,,,YEAH! you are going to worry and stress....in 10 days..i promise everything will be waiting for you.......and me too!

i have faith that you can do this again.....Oh lord I kicked medthadone 140mg daily and 240 mg of oxycodone daily....So, seeeeeeee, you already are one up on me......

I'llllll be checking on you...how'd that SEAHAWKS blankie make you feel? Like a real NFL MAN?

Always,
Kim
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Old 02-20-2011, 04:22 AM   #15
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Re: Update

please dont get mad at me.....i use humor alot and I also pull out things in people that they dont like....a gift? i saw it more like white elephant...I dont mean to hurt people....I dont know how to lie...it makes me feel awful...so i am too honest....wayyyyyy tooo honest...so if i get under your skin just say kim....go to time out...i'll get it (smile) thinking about you hard today...by the way I am 38 so we are the same age...thats why I pulled towards you....I was always called the ***** in school cuz I hung out with guys but girls are SOOO MUCHH DRAMA...i rather have my friend Tom show me how to cold **** someone than Karen to show me how to put eye shadow on.....My Dauthger calls me a granola...modern day Tom Boy! cool name!
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