People will respond Carolyn, give it some time. People have been so supportive to me here. You are doing a great job and yes, slower is the best option. I would take that valium to be safe. Take it at night before bed. Even though it has expired, I am sure it is just fine and will aid in your recovery. My issues is with oxycodone so I am not an expert on tramadol, But I did take it a for about a month a few years back. I did not go over eight pills in one day however. If you can take it slow, and even though you do not want to get another script, it might be a good idea just to maintain a slow taper.
The Following User Says Thank You to musicman3 For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (02-23-2011)
I was beginning to wonder if i had set up my post wrong. Not to mention i dont think Tramadol is very popular as other addictions which might make my title to my post very unintersting to someone that doesnt know of it. Its ok they though at least I can keep track of my doses....kinda feel really dumb and forgetful lately i literally have to go back to remember what my last dose was--Hope my metal clarfity comes back.
I did find out the Valium isnt expired though-which is cool. I dont worry about becoming addicted to them because i dont feel anything off them at all.
When I first started taking the trams it was once a day. The reason i loved them is they lasted ALL DAY! Istead of vicoden buzz being over in 3 hrs. I kept it at a once a day dose for a real long time I would say about a couple of months ago is when i started adding that second dose---thats why i was thinking of eliminating it this evening--not real sure on that though.
Today i got to file a investigation for unauthorized charges on my visa/debit card. some how someone reordered a script and i never ordered it-- Wondering how the heck this happened i called and my online pharmacy and they say is wasnt from them and have no record of it- how weird they are the only ones that have my cc# the other place i ordered from didnt take visa so id get a money order-- This should be humilitation im sure the bank knows what the heck ive been up to- once the fedex arrived i turned it away-i heard the pills rattling--boy it was hard but worth it. What a mess- But the good thing is my husband doesnt have access to this account to know what has happened or what ive been doing. Really hope i cant get into any legal trouble over this..if you think i should be worried please let me know....kinda stressing--fyi the rx co is a diffrent co. that i have never ordered from either--of course the number is disconnected....
i stayed at 8 pills yesterday. just wasnt ready to drop- today i will be dropping a whole pill - plan is 3.5 pills at 1030 and the other 3.5 at around 600 pm-- if i stay on schedule as well as i have i will have wnought to do my taper as planned. still talikg just 1/2 my zoloft and a valium bofore bed.
Feeling ok today. real tired but not too depressed. Managed to do a yoga and pillates session on my tv last night for my legs-which were killing yesterday. Not to mention went to Church last night--had to drag myself there but felt a lot better once i did. After that did some shopping to pick up a few things--just to excercise my legs some more.
I did the one pill a day until i was down to 2 pills, then i stayed at that for a week, next week 1 pill a day, then i took 2 days off work- stayed with a friend and just held tight for 24 hours... 5 days later i was 80% myself. you can do it!!! just have to remeber that all the crazy thoughts and the hideous physical crap is going to pass!!!
You are doing well Carolyn, do not rush it. If you feel you need to stay at your dosage a few days, do so. You want to do it right and safely. I know the feeling of wanting to get all the crap out of your system, but with tramadol, and the way it bonds to receptors in your brain, you want to make sure you go slow and steady, You will get through it and look back at it and you will be proud of yourself. Just do not rush,
I am not a doctor and my advice is only based on my research and opinions. I think the valium is very important. It will help in avoiding seizures (not that you may have them) but it will help in that aspect. You just do not want to get into a benzo habit because I have heard that THAT is truly hell on earth. I also do not like valium, like you. It has never done anything for me and find nothing alluring to that and other benzos. I will take it for a few nights next week when I finally finish my oxycodone.
I registered to respond.
People are reading, and people are rooting for you.
I'm in a similar situation, but not near the qtys you were consuming.
I'll be following your story with interest, as my day is soon coming as well.
Thank you for continuing to post and thank you for sharing.
Thank you Mindy it is so nice to hear someone say that this is possible and I might feel like myself again. Whish i had some extra pills but im afraid to even order them online anymore. i ALMOST have enough to do the taper as you did. Indstead of staying at that low dose for a week ill only be able to do 4 days at 2 pills and atnd 4 days at 1. Then ill have a couple left to break up into pieces--lol god only knows if the crumbs will make a diffrence. Its gonna be scarry at the end i know it. I know this is about to get real hard--but as i was telling other people i think i actually quit smoking through this nightmare. Everytime i do my face turns fire engine read and my heart races and i get so hot--like im gonna have a stroke or something--- its really freaking the hell out of me...so i guess after being a smoker of 20 years i might be done- i think i just found a positive our of this addiction-if thats possible!!!! If you can think of anything Mindy please dont hesitate--I need all the support i can get girl!!!
Thanks for checking on my Musicman! Was hoping u would. Its crazy I find myself talking to myself in the mirror! Telling my self im soooo done!! --as im looking at myself like im the freaking DEVIL who did this and i just start cussing my self out!! ! Yes---I litterally am biotching myself out as if im trying to bully myself. dont laugh!!! I just want it that bad! Also praying has helped some... I just do not want to make the same mistake as my mother and father did -and screw my kids up like i was- Just the thought of that is enough for me to be done-THE CYCLE IS ENDING RIGHT HERE!! Thank god my kids are to yound to realize whats going on. That is another reason my story will remain a secret. I have trust issues with people so i just dont share serious stuff about myself with no one.
I read your post today though MusicMan- Im real proud of you the way your preparing yourself for next week. I know this is my first time going through this and it best be the LAST But I have to say ive read a lot of stories here and lots of w/d symptoms and i hohnestly believe what has really helped me is the the vitamins. I take 1 1/2 multi vitamins, b-12, slow release iron, then 3 omega 3 fish oil. Other then that for pain i take 2 liquid advil gel and 1 tylenol arthritis together. Also Gatoade and eating healthy and trying to excercise a little. Anyway better cut this short ---i tend to go on way to much! lol keep in touch. Thanks again to you both for checking on me--means more then u will ever know
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 01:14 PM.
Evo2- I'm so happy to hear you have been following me through my taper. Knowing that there are people who our actually following and reading my posts really gives me all the more reason to prove that recovery is possible. I did the same thing for a good month just kept reading everyone's stories. The day I registered was the day I was ready to quit for good. Registering on here was my first step. Its crazy the amount I was taking but it just took me getting my first on line order for me to say "ya know I think ill take a second dose in the evening!" since I have such a large supply now. It literally happened over night I went from 7 pills in the afternoon to 14 pills in a day. Just was like ya know I think ill take another dose in the evening and that was all she wrote I never stopped till I hit 16 flipping pills a day! It really happened over night crazy I know!!! So just be careful and since you know you wanna try to stop soon what ever u do don't exceed what you are already taking. When your ready ill be here my friend and I promise to carry you all the way to the end. Keep posting and so will I.
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 01:15 PM.
Just wanted to log my dose goal for the day this morning around 11:00 I took 3 tramadol and this evening around 6:00 I will take 3 more. Can admit its catching up to me i know this because i caught myself checking the clock waiting fo my dose today for the first time---yikes that scared me--i have to keep my eye on the prize!! Sobriety is gonna feel so much better then these three nasty pills that might decide todays the day that they will cause me to seizure. Still taken the Valium at night along w half of my zoloft. I hink its smart to take the Valium right before bed. I dont wanna stay up to try and feel if there is a buzz from it- as i said i never liked them they never do anything to me- But I just wanna be safe.
Where i live it is below zero today. One of my favorite seasons is Spring. When I can put on my flip flops and play in the dirt with my flowers-this is what i do to make me feel close to my dad-it was his gig and i took over when he passed away and found out i love it too. This is another reason i want to get this over with now! Cant even imagine trying to sit out in the back yard and watch my kids play as im sweating my ase off withdrawing for this. Im so much better off now doing then waiting. That way when the season changes i will be healthy and hopefully happy and be ready to embrace its beauty enjoy my life like i use to.
Did a lot of thinking last night in my boiling hot jacuzzi tup last night about how much i changed from before i took the tramadol- I think its important to find every bad reason why i dont like this drug anymore. For me it is my appearance and how i quit taking care of myself. If i were to describe myself meaning the way i was would be nothing of what im like now. I was the girl that had her hair done every 8 weeks, eybrows threaded every 2 weeks, nails done every 2 weeks and always cared that everything mathced and went together perfectly. I havnt done any of that since i stared heavely using trams- I just didnt care. My hair has not been done since October nails are short not getting them done anymore. I just did what was necessary every day-which was being a good mom and take care of my kids. I use to love to clean even though i had energy in the beginning it faded. Id wait to the end of the day before my husband came home. Vacume -switch my laundry over-meaining 1 load a day--( w 4 girls in the house and 1 guy that isnt possible) oh and unloaded the dishwasher my husband washed before he went to work--not much. but to come to my defense i have a 1 year old,2 and 5 year old-that is one tuff job alone. So im gonna try and start caring about myself again. little by little i hope i come back.
Today my baby sister is turning 21 and is coming here soon i started slow cooking some country ribs at 1000 am for her. She expecting her old sister --she has no idea what ive been going through. i just dont have the energy to carry this day as i always do. I am like a mom to her. everyone expects everrything out of me- i always do every holiday here and anytime something needs to be done they all expect me to handle it--yes even my mom. hope i can get through this day. I always use to think about this day years ago when she turned 21 i use to say --omg ill be an old lady -i wont even wanna go to the bar w her young butt- lol. Now its here god id love to be able to take her out and have a blast- but i just dont feel like it- im sure she doesnt care anyway--shes not a drinker at all-- she dont do nothing not even smoke! But if i was up to it i know she would have went.
Anyway im gonna try and get motivated today and get some food in my stomach.
not gonna believe this. Today when i went to take my dose at 1030 my tramadol were missing from my hiding spot. I havent a clue if someone found them and took them or if i put them in a diffrent spot- ive went through everything they are gone. I had one tramadol in my hiddent in my wallet other then that i guess only time will tell if i will end up having a seizure today-i give up. Its in god hands now. I took a half of valium in hopes i wont have a seizure. I feel like im gonna lose my mind... my husband will be off of work at 3:00 and home all day tomorrow i guess he will be taking care of the kids. probably be way to sick to posting to u guys. Thanks again for all your support guys and i wish you all good luck on your journey. If anyone out there has faith in god. I beg you to say a prayer for me as im gonna need it.
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 01:15 PM.
Carolyn, take the valium. Do not get yourself worked into a frenzy about seizures. If you take the valium it will help, and you only have had a few days worth so there is nothing to worry about as far as addiction goes to that.
The following user gives a hug of support to musicman3: ~Carolyn~ (02-28-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to musicman3 For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (02-28-2011)
carolyn, musicman is right. take the valium.. and trust me when i say there are times when crumbs seemed like a milliion dollars to me! please take care and continue to write us if you are able. u are an inspiration to us and we are here to go through ur journey with u as much as possible.
The following user gives a hug of support to oxygirl: ~Carolyn~ (02-28-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to oxygirl For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (02-28-2011)
Ya know how they say things happen for a reason? My missing Trams have still not been found-but my ipod w all my favorite music was found-it has been missing foor a good year. The only thing that is getting me thru this is music and hot baths and valium. Also thank god my husband was hope saturday and sunday to take care of the babies- Hes convinced from us having the flu last week that all theses symptoms are from the zoloft leaving my body becasue we all were not able to hold anything down....kinda weird how this all panned out. But I believe maybe god was trying to push me along wen he felt the time was right-When i do find those pills--i promise they will be flushed!!!!!!!
for the last two days ive been experiencing some major anxiety--I also have this shocking feeling that has been zapping me. the valium helps w that and of course the music. Today is much much better. I havent had a problem with sleeping which really surprised me--i do get up way earlier though which is good. Wish i had more to say -- just want this zapping shocking feeling to go away-if anyone knows what im talking about-how long does this usually last? Hope everyone is doing good-sorry havent been posting- just needed to keep my mind off things to keep my anxiety low.
Have to share this- went to church last night...Guess what the pastor was speaking about? ANXIETY! Too funny. What is it that anxiety is caused from? Well they say its caused from GUILT for trying to be in charge of your own life and making your own un godlike decisions instead of entrusted in god and letting him be in charge of how you should live your life. In a nut shell it makes sense doesnt it? I would like to say that I am not the most spiritual person in the world but I do believe in the higher power. If you put your problems in gods hand instead of carrying the weight of the world on your own shoulders all the time--Miracles can happen. I am living proof-addiction is just one of my examples. I am learning its to much for me to do on my own. Just need to have a little faith in him and he will carry you when you least expect it.
Had trouble sleeping again..I just have so much on my mind. I worked out for 45 mins yesterday and boy am i feeling it today. Cant believe how much easier life is becoming now im clean--Every single day something gets better. I have really slacked in all aspects of my life when i was high. Now I have to clean up the mess and make things right with everyone i feel like. Especially my Husband and my kids. I see how my selfish mistakes has affected them and how they interact with me. I think they think im weak and get over on me still. Well let me tell ya they are all in for relality check...Because im back and am not a lazy push over anymore and demand the respect that i deserve! Reguardless of my mistakes I have made.
Mental clarity is totally coming back. Ive always been a good listener and all my friends come to me for advice. In the last couple days I have recieved random text messages from 2 friends thanking me for talking to them about their problems-both said i have a way about me to always make them see things better and they always feel much better after we talked.....Use to hear that a lot--all the time actually!! Funny thing is when i was high i stopped hearing that. Now im clean- like i said in last couple days im hearing that again-Makes me feel good to be there for others....Proves the old me is still here ya know?
My husband--poor guy has no clue. Hes been looking at me oddly wondering what happpend to her lol. Its like----Shheee's Baaackkk! But hes confused im sure-This is a good thing. Im sure most people think im wrong for not sharing w him. This is for the best him not knowing. This secret will always remain a secret for nothing good can come from sharing at this point. I will always remember this time of my life and use it as a tool to help others and be more understanding to people who are struggling with addiction. Now im clean I know why I was getting high. It was not to be supermom as i thought i was because lets face it -i wasnt doing as good as job as i thought i was. I was getting high to numb my broken heart from the loss of my father. That pill (s) made me not think about it. I was weak and didnt want to except things for what they were. Now i have to be stronger then ever and deal with the fact hes gone and isnt coming back. All i can do now is make him Proud and I know he is. Still never found my hidden pills-wonder if he had something to do with that? lol -- just saying its weird how this all happened.
Hope people are still following my story and can see that this is possible for them too! I will keep posting my progress and downfalls in hopes my story will help others. Take care everyone.
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 01:16 PM.
so happy for you carolyn. u can do it. motherhood is a wonderful time in your life and also stressful. If you have a good husband then that is half of the battle right there. Keep up the good work and we will keep cheering u on.
The Following User Says Thank You to oxygirl For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (03-04-2011)
thanks oxygirl--had a little meltdown yesterday but am alright--just feeling overwhelmed with life in general. Hoping for some good old fashion happiness to get me going again. Been getting pretty bad headaches in the morning--think it has something to do w the serratonin levels trying to level out or something now its working by itself ...anyway dont have much to post was mostly concerned w musicman this morning as i see you are too. Hoping to hear from Homie too! U guys are always in my thoughts and prayers!
Take care all,
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 01:16 PM.
It does get better Carolyn, I know it does. There has never been a time in my on and off again cycle of using the pills that I never felt better after a time being clean. It just takes some time for the brain to reset. I am just having a diffficult time getting over the initial hump and it is making me very depressed. I hate using the pills, it just gives me more anxiety, but it keeps away that awful restless feeling we all get in withdrawal.
I am just trying to do everything different this time so I can be successful. The one thing I have always hated and try to avoid is counting the days and hours. I do not like this because if you were to relapse, it makes you feel that you have failed and have to start the clock all over again. That is a big burden to handle. I just need to get over this awful depression I am having right now and I think it is related to the stress I get for taking the pills.
ya now musicman i have been reading about st johns wart-it works wonders if your willing to try it. I cant because of my zoloft but if i didnt have it id for surely be taken it. Why dont u give it a try. It can start working immediately from what i read. you have to keep taking it though they say if u stop depression comes right back...let me know your thoughts on that and how u r doing. I want to help u as much as possible. You deserve all the support in the world as you have been so supportive for all of us-your not alone!
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 01:16 PM.
Well today is day seven for me guys---ive made it! still suffering from depression but i have a lot top deal with that was never dealt with due to me numbing and masking my feelings as i did. Just want to reassure u all that its all worth it and all possible. Im living proof! Hope you all are enjoying your Sunday and Im thinking of you guys! Take care.
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 01:16 PM.
I have been reading your posts and you have done a wonderful and steadfast withdrawal. Kudos to you.
The depression is a real mountain to conquer as we move towards really and truly restoring our brains and bodies. I was in severe clinical depression when I started withdrawal. It was that depression that I had to work my way out of as I withdrew. (the depression from withdrawal was like a secondary layer of depression).
Carolyn, I have yet to meet anyone who is abusing drugs does not suffer from the angst of unresolved hurt and grief. I had stuffed so much death, hurt, pain, sickness and grief down inside me and tried to avoid feeling it by putting myself in a drug haze. Of course, it all backfired eventually and when it tried to surface, I sunk into non-functioning depression.
With the help of a therapist, I began to unravel those things inside of me. As I withdrew, I came to understand how to grieve. Lord Almighty, I howled with grief from the depths of my soul. I spent so many hours a day crying as I never had before. One by one, I faced each of those sorrows. Step by step, I began to accept the sorrows in my life and put them in a healthier perspective. And I began to heal, truly heal. After months and months of withdrawing and learning to face my fears, I was able to walk off the drugs and begin to live my life normally again.
Carolyn, as you leave behind the numbing and masking of stuffed away feelings, please incorporate counseling of some type to help you deal with whatever you need to deal with. It is a purging that truly clears the pathways ahead for us. So many times I have written here that the year of my withdrawal was the greatest year ever of learning about myself. Hard way to learn for sure, but learning that has left me alive and happy again.
Geeze, there is so much I want to share with you, but it would be a huge volume! For now, stay strong, get those issues forward and face them with professional help. Not only are you going to be okay, you are going to be wonderful!
The following user gives a hug of support to reachout: ~Carolyn~ (03-06-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to reachout For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (03-06-2011)