First of all sorry I didn't post anything up lately guys, didn't have much time to post anything really. And thanks for caring all of you. It means alot to me even if its coming from strangers
Second of all I have bad news. Was clean for about 4 days and then I eventually gave up. I could say I had weak moment but thats just a sorry excuse I guess. Did about 1,5 in 2 days then. Just finished everything I had 4 hours ago. Haven't eaten much today but maybe I'll go downstairs to go and get something. First thing I'll do tomorrow is post smthing up.
Anyways I just want to say again you guys, thank you for the attention and caring, it helps.
hey alex, i am worried about you. didnt u say u were 20 years old? I have a daughter almost your age and I promise you that your mama would be terrified for you. Please keep posting to us and let us try to talk to you. trust me I write long posts and u will definitely have something to read if you get bored! I know addiction is hard. I never took anything at all until I was 39. I am 42 and now hooked on my pain meds that I have been taking for 3 years. Addiction is addiction and it knows no age, race, economic status or any boundaries. Cocaine is a bad one because it is so expensive. It will bring you to your knees and very quick. Not everyone has a Charlie Sheen budget to afford the drug. And look at Charlie he looks so old and thin and bad. I don't know if cocaine is a drug u can taper off of. I am not a good one to ask that question to. I know I am tapering off my pain meds and cutting down little at a time. However, I am not sure that works with coke or if you could even afford it. I am afraid the more u do the more addicted u are. U might have to go ct and go to a rehab. sometimes if u just admit to a parent or loved one u have a problem they will understand and help u get help. Again, I am worried about u. Keep us updated. Hopefully someone else with more information on this drug will post and give u some advice. Be careful please. Don't be an overdose statistic. U have your whole life ahead of you.
The Following User Says Thank You to oxygirl For This Useful Post: Alexneedshelp (03-17-2011)
Hey oxy, and thanks for that. I'm doing a bit better now. Didn't do much in the entire day (less then 0.5). I really hope that I'm not annoying you guys with this. I don't want to seem like spoiled brat with 'daddy issues' or something like that. Its just that... It may seem weird and maybe awkward but this place and you guys are currently my only safe haven right now. The only place where I can share my troubles with and the only place thats keeping me from going insane. I'm really considering if I should tell my parents about this. The only problem is: my dad. Before you say anything, you should know that he's the conservative type of dad that told me(when I was 8 years old), that if I ever should "become" gay, he'd reject me as a son and will 'try' to disinherit me. I mean come on... but whatever. All I'm saying is my dad wouldn't give me the support or the understanding that my mom would give. I'm sure of it. But on the other hand this needs to stop. I'm not doing it daily anymore(thank god) but it needs to end anyhow. Again I'm sorry if I seem like a complaining child but I need to get this out of my heart once in a while.
I won't be posting everyday but I can reassure you I'll at least post once a week. Maybe more but not daily.
I'll keep you posted.
Many thanks and luv
Last edited by Alexneedshelp; 03-17-2011 at 11:55 AM.
Reason: Grammar errors :/
hey bud... i had a problem with cocaine a couple years back, id want to do it all the time. But it eventually started giving me anxiety and a different feeling than it did when i started. I actually got a 'weak' feeling from it, like my heart was gonna give out .. so I just stopped doing it. My gf and her girlfriends do it, and i dont even have a craving to do any.
I guess I got out the lucky/easy way...keep posting, and good luck. and like oxygirl said, it wil drain your bank account. Good luck ...its seems as though youre trying to taper. Talk soon man.
The Following User Says Thank You to second go For This Useful Post: Alexneedshelp (03-17-2011)
I'm not a part of this particular board, as I have moved on past drug issues in my life, but I saw your posts in passing and wanted to say a few things to you.
First, I did have serious addiction problems as a teenager. I used just about any drug I could get my hands on and sold them as well to get the ones I used for free. I used a lot of coke, but meth was cheaper and became my drug of choice because of the cheap, intense high that it offered. When I used coke, snorting was convenient, but shooting up more intense, so I began to do that as well. So, I from the age of 15, I was smoking crack, shooting and snorting coke, snorting and freebasing meth, smoking weed daily and doing whatever else came along - acid, rohibinols, you name it. At 16, I left home with a boyfriend and was a squatter for some time, living on the streets. Telling you all of this is sickening to me now, but I'm coming forward with my story because I think it could help you.
I spiraled into very poor health living on the streets. I had one infection after another, weighed 105 lbs (I am a female and 5'7") and even stopped having a period. I eventually went home, but my lifestyle continued. At 17, I overdosed on meth. I spent 3 days in the hospital on ICU heart monitors. I was at a crossroads.
I had to make a decision at this point whether I would continue my life the way I had been living it or choose to change and move on with my life. I decided that though drugs had been "important" to me, that no high was worth death. I was a beautiful 17 year old girl. To die for drugs would have a horrible tragedy - no college degree or career, no spouse, no children, no dreams fulfilled.
I came out of the hospital clean and stayed that way. I deleted almost everyone I knew - not just from my phone, but from my life. Sometimes, it takes drastic steps for recovery. If you are 20 and spending the amount of money you say you are on coke, I'd say it sounds as though your parents are enabling your behavior. Maybe you need to get a job and move out. Maybe you need to move to another city or even another country. I don't mean to be hurtful, but if you truly desire to get clean and stay that way, you must learn to take responsibility for yourself.
You sound like an intelligent young man with potential. You perceive that your life is headed in the wrong direction and you are correct. Now is the time to turn around and head the right way. That might involve giving up mommy and daddy's money and heading out of town - away from your parents, drug contacts and "friends". Friends DON'T give you drugs or do drugs with you. Those are "drug buddies" and if you are in trouble, they WON'T be there. Please understand that.
My life really began to change for the better at 18, when I went to college in a city 4 hours from home. I still had issues though that I hadn't dealt with and ended up turning to alcohol. I drank a lot and didn't make good grades. After a year of that, I decided to really turn up the heat on myself. I joined the military right after I turned 19. This isn't the right choice for everyone, but it was a great choice for me. I was accountable there. I became an adult quickly.
After 5 years in the Navy, I got out and went back to school. I am graduating this year with a BA in anthropology and going on to grad school next year for a doctorate in public health. I will be 32 next month, have 4 children and am happily married. None of this would have possible, should I have chosen to continue to let drugs control my destiny. I look around at my old "friends" and the ones who are alive and not in prison are really suffering. Their lives are not comfortable or happy and many of them still have major drug problems. None of them have finished college. Not one. Ask yourself a simple question - "What do I want for my life?". Stop thinking in the now, decide what you want for your future and take control.
Alex, don't feel bad about being a child because honey you are just a very young man. I would want someone to talk to one of my kids if they had this trouble. First of all your dad. He might reject a "gay" son but that is different than drugs. Drugs can be curable. Sexual orientation is usually not. Although I would never disown one of my kids. I don't care. I love them too much. I bet your mom is like this also. Moms have more of a bond with their kids it seems. If you are not doing it every day then you can get through this. Try to ask yourself when the occasion arises if it will be worth it in the morning. Lost money, self-esteem, you name it. It isn't worth it Alex. Think about finding a treatment center. Cocaine is a rough drug to be hooked on. If you could get into counseling that might help. If not we will talk to you as much as u want. I try to help people and not point out their faults. Most of us know our faults without anyone telling us. I will pray for you and you also say a prayer for yourself kid. ttyl.....
I believe Im trying to do smth that only a few were only able to do. I think I'm actually tapering down my cocaine addiction. Going from daily use of 0.8/1 to 0.3/0.4. Seems stupid but its working for 3 days now and I'm alright. I think. I don't have the craving for more, thats what I can tell you right now. But Im feeling so depressed for my parents atm. In the end, they truely are magnificent people who only want the best for me, and I feel like a horrible and evil person for using this crap behind their backs. They don't deserve a son like me :/ pffff... Trying to keep my head up nonetheless.
Alex, I am talking as a mama, you parents love you. don't ever ever ever think that anything you could do would make u undeserving of their love. I have a kid that is driving me up one side of the wall and down the other. However, I would die if he were to leave my life. It is how us mamas are honey. Make yourself proud and reform yourself. If they know or not know, it won't make a difference. It is what u do now that counts. We all make mistakes all of us do. How do you know your parents haven't made stupid mistakes? Please don't go to that line of thinking. Get urself off that drug and make them proud by being happy and doing well in school. If kids were perfect and born without problems then they would hatch from eggs and we would wean them in three weeks. In other words you wouldn't need parents. We don't expect our kids to be perfect. We just hope they get through rough patches of life and come out unscathed. Get yourself together. The sooner u put that drug down the better. Don't fool yourself into thinking that a small amount occasionally will be okay. Not with that stuff I promise u it is evil and it will haunt you if you continue to let it. You might need a little counseling or maybe some support group. Always feel free to come on here and talk to us. I will be your new online mama! lol.... sounds corny don't it. However, I love kids and would do anything to make them happy and you are still a kid to me. I have an almost 19 year old daughter so I know how I would feel if it were her. ttyl.....
The following user gives a hug of support to oxygirl: Alexneedshelp (03-22-2011)
I just wanted to say, thank you oxy for caring for me. You're the only one(really) that actually tells me to keep my chin up and keep trying. Your helping me more then you realise. I wish I could give you a real hug but I guess a virtual one will do Thank you.
Its really helping me. And thanks to all of you. It may seem a bit dramatic but really you guys are the pillar that keeps my world from crashing down. Just reading other posts and trying to help other people keeps me busy and 'healthy'.
I'll keep you posted
Last edited by Alexneedshelp; 03-22-2011 at 01:33 PM.
Dear Alex, I am glad u are doing a bit better. You sound as if you are. I am proud of you for all the hard work u are doing at getting rid of that demon on your shoulder. We all have one hon. Continue to let us know how u are doing. I will be here for you to talk to. I check the board a good bit. Not much of an exciting life here! lol...... I enjoy talking to you. You sound like a good kid.
Coke's a hard one, a lot of people tell me that when they're coming off the blow that they're incredibly depressed...no energy, no hope. That's when it seems darkest, it really does get easier every day. "One day at a time" never made the days feel so long to me, but they'll go back to normal soon. Everyone here is very friendly and helpful!
Doing a bit better today. Just did 0.5 and i think i'll stop for today. I'm trying to keep 2 days in between of my use and I think its helping me. At least I feel better in general and I "enjoy" the C use. This is bad right? I don't know. Maybe in the long run I can completely shed it off. Hopefully.
I'm sitting at my university student bar, outside having a fresh one. The sun's out so its pretty nice. I noticed that I can enjoy these things now, actually just sitting outside and enjoying the weather. Its a nice change in a while.
I'll keep you posted.
Ps: I just gained 2 kg, currently weighing 61 kg. So happy right now.
Dear Alex, I am glad u put on a little weight. What exactly is that in pounds? I know I could convert it if I looked at the chart but I am lazy this morning. Well......I am afraid that the "occasional" use of coke might sucker you in to more. I know it is a highly addictive drug and for most people it gets out of hand. I won't preach to you though. I do know a very very select few that can recreationally use the drug. But I mean they do it every once in a blue moon and it is not every other day. I am just a little concerned though. Do you by any chance have ADHD or ADD? If you have had it as a child it more than likely carries over into adulthood. Usually people just loose the "hyper" part but still have the attention deficit thing going on. Does the Cocaine make u feel more alert and attentive? These are just a few questions to ask yourself. They do give meds to adults with the condition just like they do kids. I am not saying that you have it, as obviously I wouldn't know that. I am just wondering what it is about the coke that draws you in. It is very bad for your nasal cavity and can actually eat the septum of your nose up with chronic use. I won't get into all of that either because I know you are a smart guy and can look all that up. I have a daughter close to your age. I also have a 17 year old and 13 year old son and I try to constantly educate them (when it arises in conversation) about drug use. I have a physical dependency on my pain medicine but their father has a major addictive personality and he went from pot and pills to coke and later crack as he said crack lasted longer. It was a horrible time for all of us especially the last 13 years of the marriage. Well I am going to leave you with that info and get ready to start my day. Please be aware of things. And be honest with yourself. I am here if you want to talk or just vent some frustration. I know I vent a lot of frustration on this board. It can be a good place to be when nobody else seems to understand or care to listen. Somebody on here always is up for the job
It is a problem the second you touch the stuff. If you do it once it will happen again and again in closer intervals. Thats enough preaching to the choir, you know that and thats why you are here. I find the best thing to do is quit any and EVERY habit forming substance. Your slip up was smokes. Nicotine and coke go hand in hand, if you got addicted to tobacco then you are susceptable to other addictions. Alchohol is a huge enabler as well. My suggestion, possibly from expeirence * is take your phone and delete any contact who you ever " partied" with. Then quit smokes as fast as possible and do not even look at alcohol for a month. Liquor is by far the numbet one reason you crave coke. Hit the gym and live healthy for a bit and its amazing how quick you can over come the early addiction. However cocaine is powerful and the urge will always be there. Think about success and happiness and hopefully it will keep you away. This drug leads nowhere but downhill! Think of future and family and what you are willing to lose. Best luck, I will be there as well man. Head up. Your still in school so all is not lost. Stay partying and garunteed you do not graduate. Words of the wise*