I'm new to this sight, this is my first post. I read a lot of other threads and saw how many caring people there are. i need to get this off my chest and I am seeking advice from some new people...
I have always messed around with drugs, since i was 14 (i'm 22 now) i experimented. I was probably 15 when i did my first opiate and it wasn't until about 2 years ago i realized i had a very scary likeness for opiates. But i wouldn't say it turned into a problem until about 18 months ago. I got into a car crash and ran from the cops cus i was drunk, i got away from them too. But the next day I had a split head from the crash and felt like ****, I turned to Oxys. As soon as I did it i felt so much better about the situation with my car crash (there was a lot of other bad issues going on in my life at the time as well). I turned myself in 3 days later and eventually went to court but got off scott free. the crash was in september of 2009.
I'm not a dumb person, I have my head on my shoulders pretty well. I knew after about a month I was starting to get addicted to the damn things. Every week when i would get payed I would spend all the money within 3 days. The winter of 2009/2010 was very hard for me. Spent a lot of time and money getting high. But in the spring and into the summer, i started to heal. Moved to the beach for the summer and only did opiates maybe 3 times over a 3 month period. But when the summer was over and I moved back home for school, slowly but surely i began using again. It's not as bad as it was, but I have steadily been doing percs at least a couple times a week for a few months now. I'm moving back to the beach for the summer in two months and i'm very relieved, i hope it helps again.
I just want to be done with them. But its so hard, basically everyone I know loves to get high and that's what they do with their spare time. What do I have to do to finally just NOT WANT THEM ANYMORE. I mean, since the beginning I have wanted to stop. I feel like i can do it, but something is stopping my will power from achieving it.
There have been times where I will go weeks without doing any opiates, and then i kinda fall back into it somehow.
I don't ever have any physical withdraw that I notice, sometimes i will be going insane mentally though trying to stop myself from getting a perc. Is there anyone else out there who is or was in my shoes? I just need some tips, maybe theres something I haven't thought of yet. Thanks everyone
Last edited by ckop89; 03-20-2011 at 10:08 PM.
been there ...did the oxy thing for 2 years...kicked....relapsed...and have been clean for about 70 days now. heres what I dont miss:
-spending copious amounts of money on pills smaller than a beach pebble
-worrying about where and when to score next
-withdrawal symptoms if i miss a day
-loss of appetite for life
-possibility of OD'ing
-having no money due to habit (did i mention that already?)
-having to always have some on me or im in a panic
Its a tough one cause like u said people like to get high. The prob with opiates is you build a tolerance, and you start to take them just to feel 'normal'...no euphoria anymore. and your paying for this 'battery' in your back in order to get up everyday and function.
I used to be on oxys all day, work, chillin, whenever, it was part of my diet.
Now that im off I feel free.
You sound like youve hit that frustrating point, and its time to make some changes hey? Taper off and try to kick, thats my advice. But you'll do it when you need to or really want to. Its hard to casually kick a drug habit. You gotta want it! good luck
The Following User Says Thank You to second go For This Useful Post: ckop89 (03-21-2011)
I agree with second go, u really really gotta wanna do it! (some fun words). U didn't mention what else u did besides school. Is it possible u have too much time on your hands? I am going to assume u go to the beach with the family in the summer to get out of the city? Also, change the crowd u hang around with. I promise u there are people out there who do not do drugs. You are just going to have to get used to a different kind of people. Sometimes we don't realize what a negative influence some of our friends have on us. I became physically dependent on opiates due to a legitimate pain issue. However, i was around 39 or so when i started them. by then I had done made up my mind that people who were addicts or even who did casual drugs were total losers. Boy did I later eat those words. Sitting here now typing this, I had almost took a whole oxycodone (I am down to 1/2) pill which is 30 mgs. which is as strong as 3-10mg percocets and i told myself "are u kidding" after spending a week and half at a lowered dose I almost blew it all for one pill and it wasn't time for it. Here I was no better than the people I had previously judged. I will say this, u are young and healthy. If you let drugs take you now, you will have no life ahead of you. At least not one that is meaningful. Your every thought of every day will be consumed by how many pills u have and where u can get more and what to do if you run out. You may only be psychologically addicted right now but it is so easy for it to take over ur body. It happens before u know it. Take this summer to think about ur future. There is a wonderful world out there if you just approach it in the right way. Good luck to you
The Following User Says Thank You to oxygirl For This Useful Post: ckop89 (03-21-2011)
I have no family within 1000 miles, so my only family is my girlfriend and some close friends. My girlfriend struggles as well and we developed the habit together. So it makes it that much harder. We are so in love and never fight about anything, we both know the only thing that could eventually break us up is drugs. Kinda crazy that we would let something like that get in the way.
I do really want to stop. I guess if i wanted it bad enough i would right? I can tell there is a side of me that wants to get high, that enjoys the feeling THAT much. You are right though..if I want to stop..I can.
Thanks for the advice, the positive words definitely helped. much love
talk to the girlfriend and see if she is willing to come on board with you. If she isn't then u have some tough decisions to make. remember if you stay with her and marry and have kids, this is all going to affect them also. I realize that may be way down the road but i promise you life happens sooner than u think.. good luck
also, the high feeling just doesn't last long enough to make it worth your while. you will develop a huge tolerance especially if it gets to be daily and then u will need it just to feel normal like second go said. you will spend all your money just to feel normal. unless u are extremely rich and have money to just throw away, i promise it isn't worth it.
ive talked to many people and friends who have taken oxys and everyone agrees that they get to a point where they hate them, and hate that they got caught up in em. ill put it this way, you sound like you do a moderate amount right now, but just around the bend, youre gonna 'need' more to feel high (you wont feel the effects of say one two or three percs anymore it'll take four or five, and it keeeps going up....some people need 300mg/day!! thats like 60 percs a day to even function without pain).
Some find the pain unbearable. (when your body craves them and you dont have any, the body basically says 'wheres my opiates? and sends pain to your nerve endings, so that you take more of what it it used to getting) basically withdrawal symptoms like cold hot sweats, aches, insomnia, and anxiety... Ive had all these and theyre not fun at all!!
Not to mention percs have acetaminophen in them, thats basically tylenol, and thats very bad for your liver, the liver has a hard time processing acetaminophen, and can cause iiireversible damage.
not preaching, just giving you advice from lots of experience, i quit twice, was hurrendously painful and you feel like you have the flu for 10 days plus sleepless nights. i have three or four friends right now all kicking the habit, plus alot of people ive met on this board attempting to do the same.
you did the right thing by coming on the board, it shows you want to quit somewhere deep down inside. well you can continue to do them, obviously thats your choice, but the longer you wait the harder they are to get off of, you might even get to a point where you cant do it alone and need a doctors help, because some people seizure when they stop taking the drug.
good luck, have a great summer trip, and at least think about what we said, cause you re talkin to people whove been there already and its really hard. taker EZ!
second go is right. the oxys/roxis/percocets all send out messages to you that you are in pain. like in my case, it is pretty bad when after you start a pain management plan that your pain actually gets worse. and it is because the pills make you need more to accomplish what they did in the beginning. it is like a cancer. it just gets bigger and bigger and before you know it....gotcha! Just consider what we are saying. it is stuff we have personally gone through. You are a very young person to be going through this. It amazes me that people just keep getting younger and younger and caught up in this horrible trap. Be happy kid...don't let anything control you. certainly not some little pill...not worth it. take care...