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Old 04-11-2011, 08:01 AM   #1
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So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

I posted a similar message on my RSD, please know even though this is my form letter it does come from the heart! :O)

This is Kim aka Homie2011...funny how a user name needs to be trashed like your jacket or shoes..cant wear them anymore....sorry for the suspension and the name change....I told you i get banned alot...must be the frustration and ANGER...thanks RSD...you fun sucker!

The opiates have done some crazy stuff to me or is it my Illness? I think I finally figure out why I am so scared of my addiction, cuz no matter how you spin it...I LOVE OXY's.......I use because if I use and abuse myself no one else can, not friends, not family, NOT RSD, just me....Ok, I admit it I am a control freak....I think that is the underlined arcitect in me, that cant spell! hands fingers, eyes and brain do not talk to eachother, dummies!

I try to bend rules not break them but when I do...i suffer..is that called stupity? ignorance? or just using my skills?

So to the people I have confused or hurt by not posting a response or if I offended you or sent you off into a relapse cuz I promoted substance abuse, I am sorry, but I wont take resposibility....suck it up! (see there I go again...i think i am being funny, but am i really hurting people?)


NAHHHHHH! I want to say I am sorry and I will try not to let RSD be selfish with me or let my frustrations get the best of me.....If you want me to respond..just post again please?!?!?!?!


Peace,
K

 
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Old 04-11-2011, 04:34 PM   #2
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

i am offended but only because I feel too stupid to not know what you are talking about.

For us nosey people, can you fill in the blanks? To quote the WORLD FAMOUS SCAM SHOE ON TELEVISION "THE JOE SCHMOE SHOW"

HE ASKED THE QUESTION THAT WAS HEARD AROUND THE WORLD......
"WHAT IS GOING ON?"

I am certainly interested in what is about to be discussed and I would like to add some charm, charisma, sarcasm and a few other verbs and adjectives.

 
Old 04-12-2011, 07:52 AM   #3
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

:O)

Ok so I was bad....i didnt encourage someone to not abuse...but he wasnt asking "am I an addict" question he was inquireing about the consumpstion of alcohol and couldnt get a str8 answer so i was honest....i grew up in a house full of drinkers...and i spoke my mind...uh oh! well, it didnt stop there then i went onto another board and xpressed my anger towards my illness that lead me here and i raged a bit..but too much for there...on one seemed angry or offended....I am sure the peeps that dont like me just skip my posts and the ones that care or like to laugh at me read it right? or maybe respond..its all good...I get it off my chest! By the way..this one hurt 8 points...OUCH!!!!!!!!

So if anyone is confused...just say..she must be crazy LOL

Peace,
K

 
Old 04-12-2011, 08:39 AM   #4
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

hey Kim I know I am off topic here as I sometimes can be with all my rambling yada yada. but i couldn't help but notice your new name. rsdfree. does this mean that you have found some pain control. how are ur stimulators doing? just curious. hopefully great as of course pain sucks and that leads to opiate use which leads to addiction which again sucks for us huh? lol....I am still maintaining I guess. 3 a day. sounds like a food pyramid don't it. hey i will take all my veggies plus my roxis too thank u! lol.....just a little stupid humor there.

I also am taking cymbalta regularly. it has made a difference in my fibro. I have fibro along with osteoarthritis. Now i know that people figure well it is the same right? Wrong. There can be similarities but with me fibro feels like an all over flu type virus with extreme fatigue. Add this to chronic osteoarthritis from 10 plus wrecks in the last 25 years and it don't feel like a walk in the park. So I have gotten some relief from the fibro which I am so so happy about. The joint pain is still a problem but I am just thankful for the time being. I also do take an occassional ritilin which I know most people are probably condemning but I have stuff I like to get done and it does help focus and give energy. It is like a coffee boost major!! without drinking all the coffee of course. I only take maybe 1 pill when I do take them and I don't do it daily.

One of the greatest things is that I feel more like doing things for my kids. They are getting older 18, 17 and 13 and technically can do for themselves but I still like to do the little things that makes life tfor them. the older 2 work and go to school and I am proud of them. My little man is doing online homeschool and I do have to participat in that and keep him centered and that can be rough some days when he isn't into it and I have to threaten to take all of the games, phones and computer stuff from him. Man would we have felt like rich kids or what if we had all of that when we were growing up? I know I am rambling again. lol sorry. just thought i would check in on u and see how u were doing? I will be on and off of the board this week since I have to sit with my son a good bit for his schooling. It is good to talk to you and the others. have a great day

 
Old 04-12-2011, 12:40 PM   #5
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

No OG..read the whole name..silly girl...it says..RSD FREE ONE DAY!
Quote:
Originally Posted by oxygirl View Post
hey Kim I know I am off topic here as I sometimes can be with all my rambling yada yada. but i couldn't help but notice your new name. rsdfree. does this mean that you have found some pain control. how are ur stimulators doing?not good, just had programming done, found outI am draining my stim batteries, oh god, they cant handle my pain..blorgan RSD!...I am goin in for Upper Epidural and Injections and they are going to start with the blocks and injections in leg..OG! I would kill for an Oxy..just to take pain away for one day....see the cycle? not doing it..i am just focusing and one foot in front of the other just curious. hopefully great as of course pain sucks and that leads to opiate use which leads to addiction which again sucks for us huh? lol....I am still maintaining I guess. 3 a day. sounds like a food pyramid don't it. hey i will take all my veggies plus my roxis too thank u! lol.....just a little stupid humor there. I miss my Vitimin O's and I still take my greens..a lill humor..I am on Medical Cannabis now...sweet!

I also am taking cymbalta regularly. it has made a difference in my fibro. I have fibro along with osteoarthritishey me too, fibro and osteo..i dont take any antidepressent..can handle being head shrunk, never helped with pain.... Now i know that people figure well it is the same right? Wrong. There can be similarities but with me fibro feels like an all over flu type virus with extreme fatigue. it is horrible and it is different from RSD... Add this to chronic osteoarthritis from 10 plus wrecks in the last 25 years and it don't feel like a walk in the park. So I have gotten some relief from the fibro which I am so so happy about. The joint pain is still a problem but I am just thankful for the time being. I also do take an occassional ritilin which I know most people are probably condemning but I have stuff I like to get done and it does help focus and give energy. It is like a coffee boost major!! without drinking all the coffee of course. I only take maybe 1 pill when I do take them and I don't do it daily. Keep up the tapering...you wll get there I see your determination..I know it is hard..I tried tapering many times didnt work for me...i even flushed only to regret and go back on streets....So, I when i took my last O...all jacked up and looped...i zeroed and its blorgan hard and painful, but the tapering was worse trust me...its like knowing they are there and if I take one more just maybe it'll go away..NO IS DOES NOT GO AWAY! you get numb and dead and forget..but when you wake up at 4 am screaming cuz you NEED your MEDS not for pain but to maintain..Oh HECKKKK nO! SICK CIRCLES!

One of the greatest things is that I feel more like doing things for my kids. They are getting older 18, 17 and 13 and technically can do for themselves but I still like to do the little things that makes life tfor them. the older 2 work and go to school and I am proud of them. My little man is doing online homeschool and I do have to participat in that and keep him centered and that can be rough some days when he isn't into it and I have to threaten to take all of the games, phones and computer stuff from him. Man would we have felt like rich kids or what if we had all of that when we were growing up? I know I am rambling again. lol sorry. just thought i would check in on u and see how u were doing? I will be on and off of the board this week since I have to sit with my son a good bit for his schooling. It is good to talk to you and the others. have a great day
My kids help me feel normal cuz they are innocent and they see you not the pain...they dont doubt but question with sincerity..they understand when RSd is playing dirty and I want to see a late night movie..we go in our jammie and watch it..of course i am in pain, but i cant lay down it makes it worse...evenif i sleep only 2 hours...better them letting the bed eat me!

I am glad we can talk...I am here

Peace,
K

 
Old 04-12-2011, 07:27 PM   #6
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

Ok I am again offended. Not by you so much as it was your title. I am offended that you feel you may have offended someone and have gone on the defensive and not the offensive.

Ok, I didn't have a clue where this was going and it didn't appear to go very far but I did renew my methadone script again today and yes I did take a bit more than I should have and yes, I dont know where this is going either. Imho, i should be chained to a bed and beat with a rubber paddle.... it has and will stop next week, no more being greedy. But yag darnit, this thread is not about me!!!!! So if I offended you, Im sorry.

 
Old 04-12-2011, 07:50 PM   #7
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

Corissa you are a piece of work. So tell me, unless u don't want to because I know that it is not truly my business but i am just concerned as a friend or a support peer or whatever it is we are to each other on this board. tell me is the methadone gonna set u back any? I have never taken methadone. my doc at one time said they could use it for pain but i never heard of it being used for that purpose before. i also heard it was horrible to get off of. did they give it to you in rehab? if so what drug was it supposed to keep you from doing.

I also just realized that I have totally hijacked this post from rsd and didn't mean to. I am just a little concerned though. I am going through a tough time myself and feel like taking more of my meds too. I am so far keeping myself restrained. It would be so easy as I get 120 at a time and could easily do them all in a few days or a week or to but then i would live in hell for a couple of weeks till next script unless i wanted to buy on the street which i won't do because i will not spend any of my money on that. my money goes to my kids and this household. so i am strong there but sometimes i just want to indulge and feel that high even though it only lasts for a little while and then i feel worse and want more after i am done. my knee is really killing me. i think something else is wrong with it and i know i should let them look at it again but i hate going up there. i am a mess this week. plus i took a couple ritlin this week for some "extra energy" and now i am feeling like i have none. my cymbalta was working and i am afraid that i messed up the normal rhythym my body was trying to achieve by taking the ritlin too.

i need to practice what i preach a little more don't i? I am just a little depressed. I have never been good at following through with things. Like take for instance, I am divorced and yet I don't have the balls to make him leave even though he is the most hateful man on earth! always screaming and yelling at everyone for nothing. I just want to go in my room and lay down and shut the door so I don't have to listen to the bitching! I am a pretty much live and let live person. I don't hound him and gripe at him and I let him do whatever. I am not always looking over his shoulder, checkin his phone or anything like some of these other women i know do. so why can't he just shut up and leave me alone!!!!! my dog doesn't even like him. she growls if he pokes his head in the door! I am sorry corissa for rambling. just needed to get it off my chest i guess. take care and don't let that methadone get the better part of u. if you gotta take it try to do it by docs orders so u don't run out and get dope sick. i hate that feeling.

 
Old 04-12-2011, 11:23 PM   #8
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

Quote:
Originally Posted by oxygirl View Post
Corissa you are a piece of work. So tell me, unless u don't want to because I know that it is not truly my business but i am just concerned as a friend or a support peer or whatever it is we are to each other on this board. tell me is the methadone gonna set u back any? I have never taken methadone. my doc at one time said they could use it for pain but i never heard of it being used for that purpose before. i also heard it was horrible to get off of. did they give it to you in rehab? if so what drug was it supposed to keep you from doing.

I also just realized that I have totally hijacked this post from rsd and didn't mean to. I am just a little concerned though. I am going through a tough time myself and feel like taking more of my meds too. I am so far keeping myself restrained. It would be so easy as I get 120 at a time and could easily do them all in a few days or a week or to but then i would live in hell for a couple of weeks till next script unless i wanted to buy on the street which i won't do because i will not spend any of my money on that. my money goes to my kids and this household. so i am strong there but sometimes i just want to indulge and feel that high even though it only lasts for a little while and then i feel worse and want more after i am done. my knee is really killing me. i think something else is wrong with it and i know i should let them look at it again but i hate going up there. i am a mess this week. plus i took a couple ritlin this week for some "extra energy" and now i am feeling like i have none. my cymbalta was working and i am afraid that i messed up the normal rhythym my body was trying to achieve by taking the ritlin too.

i need to practice what i preach a little more don't i? I am just a little depressed. I have never been good at following through with things. Like take for instance, I am divorced and yet I don't have the balls to make him leave even though he is the most hateful man on earth! always screaming and yelling at everyone for nothing. I just want to go in my room and lay down and shut the door so I don't have to listen to the bitching! I am a pretty much live and let live person. I don't hound him and gripe at him and I let him do whatever. I am not always looking over his shoulder, checkin his phone or anything like some of these other women i know do. so why can't he just shut up and leave me alone!!!!! my dog doesn't even like him. she growls if he pokes his head in the door! I am sorry corissa for rambling. just needed to get it off my chest i guess. take care and don't let that methadone get the better part of u. if you gotta take it try to do it by docs orders so u don't run out and get dope sick. i hate that feeling.



Hey OG.

Ya don't need balls (figuratively speaking or otherwise). You see, when Corissa3 is your friend, that's 300lbs of pretty solid muscle standing behind you ... especially if its a man wanting to put his hands on a LADY..... and you my friend, are a LADY!

 
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Old 04-13-2011, 07:44 AM   #9
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

OG,

You didnt hi Jack anything lol....I posted a similar message on the RSD boards....Girl! I think you need to be on the chronic pain board..or come over to the dark side RSD....pain is pain and you may find better ways to cope with the pain (plus, I am there alot lol)...You wouldnt believe how many of us are dependent.....We dont consider ourselves addicts, but we live the life at some point...Some are strong and some are weak...


I can understand your home life.. I have a 15 and 12 yr old...fighting for my narriage but to weak to stand on my own...We tired to be intimate last night...but he felt my scs batteries under my skin and sent him into a puke fit and he says "You know Babe, you just have way too much crap implanted in you" I died..what? here i am tryin gto make love to my husband before the divorce papers get here and he pukes??!?!?!?! He says the night before..all i need is you and does he forget that I am woman and need things too? How about not puking cuz your wife is a GIMP... OMG! Heres your sign you dumb blorgan B***h!
The price you pay for being beautiful..ONCE! (I am not trying to toot my own horn, but i was not chopped liver) Healthboards wont let me post a pic!!! LMAO See I told you..I am bad..

OG.....dont hide like I do....I hide in my bathroom and pretend takeing a bath or number2 and he leaves me alone, sometimes i hurt so bad I fall asleep on floor or in tub...before this last STIM...they still hurt ugh..wont get realesed till May...how much longer? ugh!

I am convinced we are not monogomus....All you heartless, lieing, selfish, and Member Driven MEN..spread your wings...cuz you aint gonna have none of this....none of this! none of this! What have I become? This sucks...


I am craving OXYS bad..I am in some rough pain...having blocks and injections on Friday...If they dont work...I may just be depressed enough to use...You the sad thing..my aunt deals..and she will hook me up...so it is a phone call away! DARN IT! DARN IT!

This is heavy and I cant deal.....NEED MY VITIMIN OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Never Peace in my World,
K

 
Old 04-13-2011, 08:45 AM   #10
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

It is hard Kim I know. I hate liking oxys. they make u feel good and take away pain for a bit. But what is the price for a little bit of relief? It is like making a deal with the devil. Eventually I am going to come off of them. I am doing well on the cymbalta. It hasn't taken any of the knee pain away or the osteoarthritis pain that i have but is has helped the fibromyalgia and that has been a blessing. I can deal with localized pain somewhat but it is when my entire body is in pain that i can not deal with.

I may try the chronic pain board too. I feel like i am in between places. lol.... and addict with chronic pain now that could be a whole other board huh?

Corissa, thank u for the kind words. wish u didn't live a whole other country away :-)

 
Old 04-13-2011, 08:30 PM   #11
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

Quote:
Originally Posted by oxygirl View Post
It is hard Kim I know. I hate liking oxys. they make u feel good and take away pain for a bit. But what is the price for a little bit of relief? It is like making a deal with the devil. Eventually I am going to come off of them. I am doing well on the cymbalta. It hasn't taken any of the knee pain away or the osteoarthritis pain that i have but is has helped the fibromyalgia and that has been a blessing. I can deal with localized pain somewhat but it is when my entire body is in pain that i can not deal with.

I may try the chronic pain board too. I feel like i am in between places. lol.... and addict with chronic pain now that could be a whole other board huh?

Corissa, thank u for the kind words. wish u didn't live a whole other country away :-)
Well ... I am an American. Born and raised. I may have driven in your state in the past few weeks. Funny to think that one day I could go someone, strike up a conversation with a stranger at a restaurant somewhere and not even realize that the person I spoke to was not a stranger but actually YOU or ME....hmmmmm.... food for thought. Now thats technology

 
Old 04-13-2011, 08:41 PM   #12
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

Quote:
Originally Posted by oxygirl View Post
Corissa you are a piece of work. So tell me, unless u don't want to because I know that it is not truly my business but i am just concerned as a friend or a support peer or whatever it is we are to each other on this board.After careful consideration, I have decided since you left the option open...if you dont believe me, I quoted ya... you are now officially my HEALTHBOARDS online girlfriend...In this world, there is no cheating, no chatting that would violate any conditions or trust, and certainly to retain the respect and admiration we have for each other to this point..... I have stamped it, double locked it, you can't erase it and I swallowed Gods Key... tell me is the methadone gonna set u back any? I have never taken methadone. my doc at one time said they could use it for pain but i never heard of it being used for that purpose before. i also heard it was horrible to get off of. did they give it to you in rehab? if so what drug was it supposed to keep you from doing.

I also just realized that I have totally hijacked this post from rsd and didn't mean to. I am just a little concerned though. I am going through a tough time myself and feel like taking more of my meds too. I am so far keeping myself restrained. It would be so easy as I get 120 at a time and could easily do them all in a few days or a week or to but then i would live in hell for a couple of weeks till next script unless i wanted to buy on the street which i won't do because i will not spend any of my money on that. my money goes to my kids and this household. so i am strong there but sometimes i just want to indulge and feel that high even though it only lasts for a little while and then i feel worse and want more after i am done. my knee is really killing me. i think something else is wrong with it and i know i should let them look at it again but i hate going up there. i am a mess this week. plus i took a couple ritlin this week for some "extra energy" and now i am feeling like i have none. my cymbalta was working and i am afraid that i messed up the normal rhythym my body was trying to achieve by taking the ritlin too.

i need to practice what i preach a little more don't i? I am just a little depressed. I have never been good at following through with things. Like take for instance, I am divorced and yet I don't have the balls to make him leave even though he is the most hateful man on earth! always screaming and yelling at everyone for nothing. I just want to go in my room and lay down and shut the door so I don't have to listen to the bitching! I am a pretty much live and let live person. I don't hound him and gripe at him and I let him do whatever. I am not always looking over his shoulder, checkin his phone or anything like some of these other women i know do. so why can't he just shut up and leave me alone!!!!! my dog doesn't even like him. she growls if he pokes his head in the door! I am sorry corissa for rambling. just needed to get it off my chest i guess. take care and don't let that methadone get the better part of u. if you gotta take it try to do it by docs orders so u don't run out and get dope sick. i hate that feeling.

Last edited by corissa3; 04-13-2011 at 08:42 PM.

 
Old 04-13-2011, 08:50 PM   #13
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

I already took a lil extra. Too late to turn back now. I guess in a weird way I did so to celebrate our newly formed online relationship. Then I realized that would be a bad start to a good thing so I will skip a dose tomorrow and I'll be fine. I am starting my quitting procedure soon. I really want to be clean and I'll stop at nothing to get it.

I had to chuckle when you said "the dog doesn't like ur husband"... Dogs are such a good judge of character.

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD ITS U AND ME BABES.........WE WILL GET THERE! Sobriety or death!
Ok, I am gettin carried away.

 
Old 04-13-2011, 09:53 PM   #14
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

Hey get a room and get off my thread ........lol.....who knew a love connection ..lmao

K

 
Old 04-14-2011, 12:06 AM   #15
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Re: So Sorry..if I offended anyone!

You see just how powerful a simple smile, a hand shake or saying thank u can be.

You open up a "gate" into someone. In my case, I have my 1st internet gf and have met some wonderful people LOL.

But, like all good times...they too come to an end.

 
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