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Old 04-18-2011, 08:20 AM   #1
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SO HARD not to go back

So today is day 26 off roxys & 16 off of Subs Sleeping, here & there at night, stomach/bathroom issues still full force, BUT the WORST by far is the lack of motivation/energy zero. I look around my house & I literally want to cry hysterically. I prided myself on my house. Whenever I took my Roxys I could clean & go forever. I sit on the couch & look around & feel so over whelmed & worthless. I have 3 children & I cannot stand that they are seeing our home look like this, my hubby is on the same day clean as me however he works everyday. It is also causing lots of tension between us as he feels like if he can work why the he** cant I. I try & tell him its different..hes out, around people, etc. I am stuck at home all day with no car. It is so depressing. Pls dont get me wrong I am not about to put a pill in my mouth & have to start all over again but I must confess it does pop in my mind that if I just took that pill I could have this whole house done! Should I still be feeling like this & will I just wake up one day & have that energy back or is it gradual? Is there anything that I can do or not do to help? I feel like such a failure as a homemaker, wife and

 
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Old 04-18-2011, 07:45 PM   #2
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

You would be a failure had you not have come here to post your thoughts. I does get easier for some. Its all par for the course I guess.

Keep a journal each day and rate how you feel from one to ten. Make each day count.

 
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Old 04-18-2011, 08:58 PM   #3
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

no for real why cant i clean my house or get motivated 2 do anything.answers i will take

 
Old 04-18-2011, 09:46 PM   #4
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

i will continue to pray for you.. the energy will come back, so will the joy!

 
Old 04-18-2011, 10:00 PM   #5
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

Quote:
Originally Posted by dovecottage View Post
no for real why cant i clean my house or get motivated 2 do anything.answers i will take
LOL dovecottage....we get it, you really want to clean your house... some want their job back, kids home, etc... all you want is your house clean... I am not laughing at you DC, I just needed that lil chuckle your post gave me. And to see tiedup say he will pray for you just took me over the edge... I haven't had a laugh like that in some time..

Dovecottage, you will get your energy back, I promise hun.

 
Old 04-19-2011, 01:59 AM   #6
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

newlife i know exactly how u feel. i think those opiates eat our energy and any reserves we had stored. it may just be taking a while for your neurons (?) to start firing again or whatever it is that happens and please nobody make fun of that because yall know what i am trying to say anyway and i am not a scientiist. first of all 3 kids destroy a house. I know because i have 3 and then a husband adds to it and usually expects a stay at home mom to be a maid, cook, babysitter and enjoy all of it tremendously because after all it isn't "real work" right? lol.....it is the hardest dang job in the nation! how old are the kids btw? that has a lot to do with it also. but mine are old enough to help and it takes more energy making them do it than it does just to do it for them and not say anything. but what is that teaching them? still it drains me. plus do you have any other problems or health issues? I may have missed some of this in an earlier post

 
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Old 04-19-2011, 06:30 AM   #7
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

Oxygirl my kids are 4 1/2, 5 1/2, 12 1/2. So they are constantly making a mess! The 2 close in age are boy & girl so we have tons of STUFF with all the different age/gender everyone has there own toys, etc. They are all in sports so we literally 3-4 days during the week & almost all day Sat. are at the fields. Then theres my 12 1/2 yr. old he has tons of friends so I usually have 3-5 additional all weekend long. Hence what my lil "blues" did for me...made me able to cope & get things done!

I actually have never been addicted to anything in my life..tried things when I was younger & always grew out of it. I startred taking perc 10's when I found out I was pregnant almost 7 yrs ago. My OBGYN prescribed them to me because I had an unpassable kidney stone & could not operate due to being pregnant. So 10+ mth of constant percs, then I had to wait 12 wks after my csection to operate..more percs..then while waiting I became pregnant again...you guessed it more percs for another 2 yrs..Prescribed, needed, no biggie, I thought. Then after I had my daughter, after surgery & recovery, more time of percs, I was suddenly done, yeah right well now I needed them so move on to Roxys, perc 30's, off the street. My hubby got into them too. We are both 27 days perc free & 17 days off the Sub as of today He has a f/t job so he sees it as well I manage to got to work everyday why cant you clean the house everyday, its causing some REAL issues with us. I try & tell him its different hes out, around people, etc. Also for me the pills were a way to get everything done, I would stay up to 1 or 2 cleaning the house on almost on a daily basis. The only health issue I have is due to the pills I have become overweight, which obviously doesnt help with the lazy factor either. I sit here on the couch & look around my house & feel so sad. I know I need to get up & clean but just cant. My hubby said before he left...you better do something with the house today. So I know if I dont make progress today we will be fighting. It is so frustrating. I look around my house & I really hate it, hate being in it. When my house used to be such a sense of refuge & pride to me. It is so sad!

 
Old 04-19-2011, 01:44 PM   #8
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

Dear New, you absolutely have the harder of the 2 jobs. My first two kids are 15 months apart and then my third one came 3.5 years after the second one. now they are 13, 17 and 18. Life will get better eventually. Right now he ought to be glad if you can just keep some dishes and laundry done and if you have time to wipe up a bathroom then hey that is an extra!

I don't know much about your financial situation but is there anyway you could hire someone to help you organize ur house then maybe just come in once a month and do some things like floors and dust. It is hard to keep kids at activities as well as maintain a house and god knows they are wanting meals constantly. All this and dealing with being off oxycodone for such a short time is very overwhelming I am sure.

Try to talk to him. If nothing else, let him stay with all of it by himself for the weekend. When my older 2 were infant/toddlers it took their daddy one day and he insisted that he work and i stay home. he couldn't cope. that is another horror story in and of itself with him though. he didn't even care to try.

One day u will look back as i do now and see that this really is the best years with your children. it is very physically hard though. I wish u luck and every mother deserves to have a little help. once u get it all organized and cleaned up u will feel so much better.

Also, if you have old toys nobody really plays with, pitch em or sale them at a yard sale. do the same with old household junk. if you just manage to clean one drawer a day out it will help motivate you.
good luck to you and don't be hard on urself. u sound like u have a busy but wonderful little family :-)

 
Old 04-19-2011, 02:42 PM   #9
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

Too true I need to sort & purge so bad but with my state of mind I find that I cant make decisions & choices like that. I try. I think when I took pills I also shopped alot, not sure why but it slike waking up & feeling like I am on that show Hoarders, not sure if you have seen it before. They have sooo much clothes, sooo much shoes & the much continues everywhere in the house! Its like having to deal with 8 years of buying stuff after waking up from a sleep. I feel like I cannot clean because there is too much stuff. I have no idea where to start~seriously its evrywhere...even garage Gosh I guess it was an outward expression on how out of control my life is/was. Financially right now its hard...lost my f/t job about 3 yrs ago due to economy.I was the major bread bringer so that hurts...then add buying blue pills for 2 people for 8+ years. I wish I could hire an organizer as I feel I need to be taught how to actually judge what to keep & what to get rid of My 2 kids are 13 months apart...before that we actually suffered from infertility for 7 yrs, hence the seperation with my almost 13 yr old. The 2 so close seriously kills me and has since birth....so HARD!!!!! I do love my family, my kids, my hubby so I am lucky in that respect no major life scars or things lost from pills. Seriously no one even knows other than our friends, my bro so I do consider us lucky in that respect. I thank god for waking me up when he did. I HATE my doctor for doing this to me & so many other doctors, especially where I live in FLORIDA, pill mill capital. You would not believe in the last few yrs how many people I personally know that have died from their OWN prescription bottle. MY cousin last yr...40 yrs old~ nicest guy u ever wanna meet...dead. My brothers BF 30 yrs old, father of 3 lil girls all close to my kids age...his last was born 20 days before my daughter. My friends husband...25 yrs old with a beautiful daughter. The list goes on and on. Not to mention people that I know taht are still alive but lost everything you can imagine. I have seen alot of different types of drug fads in my age but NOTHING as scary & big as these pills. My obgyn put me on perc for almost 4 yrs when said and done for kidney stones & then just expected me to be done after my stones were gone.... I did too. That did not happen & he should of known by that amount of time there was an addiction. I want my life back...all of it.... I want to have money again, travel, loose weight, clean & organize my home, socialize & be happy!!! Its that WANT that keeps me clean each day at a time I love this board I love the people~it really helps!

 
Old 04-19-2011, 03:26 PM   #10
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Smile Re: SO HARD not to go back

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlife4us View Post
So today is day 26 off roxys & 16 off of Subs Sleeping, here & there at night, stomach/bathroom issues still full force, BUT the WORST by far is the lack of motivation/energy zero. I look around my house & I literally want to cry hysterically. I prided myself on my house. Whenever I took my Roxys I could clean & go forever. I sit on the couch & look around & feel so over whelmed & worthless. I have 3 children & I cannot stand that they are seeing our home look like this, my hubby is on the same day clean as me however he works everyday. It is also causing lots of tension between us as he feels like if he can work why the he** cant I. I try & tell him its different..hes out, around people, etc. I am stuck at home all day with no car. It is so depressing. Pls dont get me wrong I am not about to put a pill in my mouth & have to start all over again but I must confess it does pop in my mind that if I just took that pill I could have this whole house done! Should I still be feeling like this & will I just wake up one day & have that energy back or is it gradual? Is there anything that I can do or not do to help? I feel like such a failure as a homemaker, wife and
Quitting these drugs was the best decision you've ever made hun, in fact you're making a wise decision to completely refrain from using these illegal and deadly narcotic substances. These drugs will only make your life worse, and they will change your whole mentality on life, it alters your perception and it also alters your brain chemistry. I think you've made the best positive impact on your life.

It will take time for your brain and body to heal from the use of these substances, but with that time you can recuperate and you will be normal again and full of vitality and joy to do the things you've never done before.

Your body wasn't designed for psychotic substances, they do more harm than good, and ultimately you don't want to fall down into the abyss, you want to ascend into contentment and happiness.

It will take longer than a few weeks for your body to adjust to the dependence that those drugs have brought onto you. Your brain will take some time to get back to normal again, but it wasn't damaged significantly, it just was altered by these substances. Your Serotonin/Dopamine/Endorphins have been haywire, and these receptors will take awhile to develop a normal synchronicity again.

Your lifestyle will need to be changed for your life to improve as well, I would stay away from caffeine, junk food, foods with loads of saturated fats, trans-fats, high fructose corn syrup, aspartame, artificial colors, processed foods, meat and pork and quite possibly some fish, since they're known to have been contaminated with heavy metals, PCB's and toxins. If you're going to eat meat and pork, I would suggest 100% farm raised/organic if you have the money, but otherwise don't eat it, and if you do.. don't eat a lot of it. I would also avoid Hot dogs! They're notorious for containing carcinogenic compounds.

Exercise is also a must, you need to get outside and get some Vitamin D, it's important for your skin and bones. All men and women must obtain vitamin D in their diet's, it's absolutely imperative that you start taking a amino acid chelated multivitamin if you aren't already. And also start taking Omega-3 Fatty acids, like Fish Oil, but make sure it is purified of known contaminants. If you have enough money, I would get NKO Krill Oil.

You're awesome and strong, you can do it! I know you can!

 
Old 04-22-2011, 09:25 AM   #11
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

Quote:
Originally Posted by dovecottage View Post
no for real why cant i clean my house or get motivated 2 do anything.answers i will take
One word

Anhedonia

 
Old 04-22-2011, 10:15 AM   #12
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlife4us View Post
I feel like such a failure as a homemaker, wife and


you are far from a failure... i failure would allow their kids to grow up watching mommy be addicted to pills, roxys would become oxys and then heroin, morphine, etc... and mommy would then have an addiction and NO money for the kids...

that person would be a failure.. not you.... you are headed for success!! you will be amazed once you reach day 90... there will actually be a day that you think to yourself, I haven't even thought about getting high all day...

you are almost there.. the worst is over

 
Old 04-24-2011, 02:46 AM   #13
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Re: SO HARD not to go back

the years will literally fly by before you know it. Just look at your 13 year old now. Don't it seem like yesterday? another thing someone once told me.....if you have your kids close together in age once one of them are grown, the other one is too. It gets better hon. just hang in.

 
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