found myself wanting to go back to the other side. Litterally called the online pharmacy. I cant believe myself. What stopped me was when they said you are called # 56 ....please wait...Wow they sure got busy while i was gone. I hung up and shut my computer down. Then I went right for the boards and read my story. I havent taken a Tramadol since February 25, 2011. I dont feel proud of myself for hanging up the phone. I still am sitting here craving them. I keep saying if i get 1 script it last me forever because i have no tolerance. What the heck is wrong with me? I know where i went wrong though. Every once in a while i will get 2 vicoden from a friend here and there nothing constant at all. Just plain stupid i know but i love the sence of well being that comes over me. These vicoden are nothing but a constant reminder how great tramadol will be because they last longer. I sit every morning and think and think and think about pills... and how great they would make me feel and what a great mood they would put me in and give me all the energy i need to complete all my tasks. I need to be reminded how dangerous of a situtation i put my family and myself in!! I mean Tramadol+Zoloft= Seizures! I could of died taking them the way I was and I could of died tapering off of them! I can never ever do that to myself again!
What you are feeling is normal....but you have to stay out of your head...do you know i still swear I see blue pills by baseboard or in a drawer but they dont xsist...i check LOL...I think it is the sddictioin talking...I tell everyone stay out of your head...while you are going thru this...your thoughts are your number one enemy....fight them!
I am so proud of you! That was your first...."No thank you, I am recovering" Way to go!
be proud of yourself.....and you said no to yourself! AWESOME! its a great feeling, dont let your head tell you different!
We both know that if you didnt have the will power..you would have held on till operator answered..right?
YOu can trip 500 times and as you try to get back up...I will be there to encourage you to stand, walk, and run!
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Im always being chased by a dragon (RSD) and can't seem to stop chasing dragons(OH)....
The following user gives a hug of support to free1day: ~Carolyn~ (04-22-2011)
The Following User Says Thank You to free1day For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (04-22-2011)
Thanks Kim..Funny you say that because I had a horrible habit of hiding pills!
So sad to admit it but lately I have been standing on countertops and looking on top of cabinets! I got to get over it! Im glad I didnt hang on the line. I dont think i would have made it out alive for round 2. Thankful for your response-of course my addiction is my secret so this board is my outlet. I love the fact that i can log on anytime and read my story..I was so weak then and barely recall all those feelings and emotions and PAIN, SWEAT, AND A LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF TEARS!
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 11:17 AM.
I cant go back and read my old posts...it takes me back to times i dont want to remember..the fear, anxiety, alll of it......the insomina with delusion....opiates just arent right.....hey now that i can pick your fear out...can I tell you something....i have complied my on info. by talking to women recovering......make sure you are safe cuz the scardy cats may hit you...and if they do..you wanna be prepared....be one with your spouse cuzthe fear them is fake but seems real and it can go haywire...so try and stay calm and really thinkabout the situation...you may not evenknow you are feeling this...i swear girl! i was running like forest gump! i think hubby didnt understood althought i didnt either..it put a trust issue between us.....so just be aware of it and beable to pick it out..not saying you willget it but just a possibility..............
Oh YEAH!!!! lmao.....i was pill rat pack....if theres a hiding spot...i used it.....i am really scared i might find one, but who am i kidding? i was an addited...if i didnt remember....Oxy's did......ahhh! what a love hate relationship.....
have agood day and stay out of your head girl! sheesh......I was closet detoxer too...cuz no one beleives you so you just have to prove it..and whether they stick around is up to them..right?
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Im always being chased by a dragon (RSD) and can't seem to stop chasing dragons(OH)....
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 11:17 AM.
Carolyn, I am very proud of you that you hung up that phone. I know you do not feel so good about the whole episode, but you did the right thing and we are all gonna be tempted from time to time. Just keep thinking how dangerous the mixture of meds that you take are and realize the dangers from mixing them ever again.
The Following User Says Thank You to musicman3 For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (04-25-2011)
Funny, after 9 months the ONLY place(s) in my house that are 100% dust free are the top of cabinets, the top of the fridge, my closet top shelf..
You'd think I would have found something by now... oh heck, I guess there is nothing wrong in hoping I find drugs there, as long as i don't I keep the "tops" of everything clean.
Good for you Carolyn, just remember that number 54... it could have been the number of days until you died had the operator answered!
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to corissa3 For This Useful Post: atlmomof2 (05-02-2012), ~Carolyn~ (04-25-2011)
Hey there i am new to this board and i just read your post and i want to tell you that i am VERY proud of you for hanging up the phone,which by the way i didn't know you could still buy over the phone or online. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. Now that i have found this board i will be on it ALOT so feel free to drop me a line anytime you like and once again just think HOW FAR you have come and don't look back. Until next time TAKE CARE!!!!
The Following User Says Thank You to SWEETIE65 For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (04-25-2011)
Carolyn it is hard but you did it. You hung up the phone and made your decision. if you would have wanted to you would have hung on and waited. you are gonna have days like this. I guess I could say plan for them but what kind of plan could a person possibly have for that? Just continue to focus on your life and how much better it has become. You can overcome this. If you have any hobbies or things you could do to get our mind off of it that would be best. good luck hon....but have some faith in yourself. You are strong and can beat this!!
The Following User Says Thank You to oxygirl For This Useful Post: ~Carolyn~ (04-25-2011)
I'm doing ok but i think the demons will be chasing me for the rest of my life. Im just going throuh something right now--its weird i just cant stop thinking and craving them its rediculous--I though I was over this hump! I know i said getting off Tramadol/Ultram was the hardest think I ever done. But I think I was wrong....Staying clean from them is going to be the hardest thing I ever done.
Thanks Corissa and Musicman for reminding how seriously dangerous of a situation I could have caused-THATS WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR!! Seriously, I know i got lucky as all hell that i never had a grand Mal seizure. The exact thouht of that happening in front of my kids is what literally SCARED ME STRAIGHT!!! Thats what brought me to this bored in the first place when I started my thread "Please help me properly taper of Tramadol."
Hope everyone is doing well and had a nice Easter!
Take Care
Last edited by Administrator; 10-01-2012 at 11:18 AM.
