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-   -   still in denial and slowly deteriorating. please help! (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/addiction-recovery/849562-still-denial-slowly-deteriorating-please-help.html)

s711118f 05-14-2011 12:17 AM

still in denial and slowly deteriorating. please help!
 
I haven't slept in about six days. I was Usuing coke daily for about a year. I spent about 450-550 a week in coke. I ran out of money and was forced to stop. I couldn't handle the withdrawals so I started taking adderall. I have been on a nonstop adderall binge for the past 5 months. I started taking 40mg a day and I am now having to take 150 mg to feel anything. I can't focus I can't sleep. My gp noted that I had an abnormally high pulse- resting was 120. I am starting tonactually feel myself deteriorate. I'm very anxious and irritable. I can't handle anything. Because I replaced my antidepressant and serequel for coke, I do not have anything stabilizing my mood swings. I am extremely paranoid and I have been hearing things for the past couple of months. I do not like seeking professional help because I don't like acknowledging my past. I know that my use is a little extreme but any time I try to reason with myself I constantly fall back into denial. I need advice. What do I do in this situation. I refuse to go back to inpatient (previously admitted because of opiate addiction) if you understand or have any positive feedback for me please respond.

second go 05-14-2011 01:32 AM

Re: still in denial and slowly deteriorating. please help!
 
id go to ur doctor and have ur script looked at. Aderall in a stimulant, hence keeping you mentally awake.

Melatonin at night as directed works for when im struggling to sleep..cheers

corissa3 05-14-2011 02:47 PM

Re: still in denial and slowly deteriorating. please help!
 
Hey 90210,

I have been in your shoes for many many years.. Coke was my drug of choice for many reasons. Coke itself is not addictive as it is a need for it mentally. Anyway, believe me, you really do need to seek professional help. You re not in a good spot unfortunately. I feel for you cuz I know exactly what coke can do and how it can bring you and your world down around you.
I believe adderal is coke similar so be careful. That amount can do you some serious harm.

Phoenix 05-15-2011 04:09 AM

Re: still in denial and slowly deteriorating. please help!
 
[QUOTE=s711118f;4754156] I do not like seeking professional help because I don't like acknowledging my past. I know that my use is a little extreme but any time I try to reason with myself I constantly fall back into denial. I need advice. What do I do in this situation. I refuse to go back to inpatient (previously admitted because of opiate addiction) if you understand or have any positive feedback for me please respond.[/QUOTE]

Hello s7:

In keeping the focus on myself,as I relate to your situation,it was both out of sheer necessity and responsibility that I began seeking professional help.

The necessity of wanting to break away from insanity's "cycle of addiction" while deep down knowing that I had an innate responsibility to want better for myself...so the journey began.

I realized that I needed the assistance of other individuals to help me see the things I couldn't and point me in the direction where light is found.

For some reason,I found it easier to turn off that "do not like" switch in my head and just attend.

When I used, it was to run away from psychological pain and when I did,I was equipped with the best metaphoric track shoes that my mind could conjure up.

While running from my past,I noticed I was distancing myself from the very person that needed saving;me.

In many ways,my life is more difficult and complicated than it was before I stopped completely using, some 11 years ago...

but no longer having to deal with the "son of the grim reaper" is priceless.

I truly hope you find your way...

Respectfully Phoenix

813roxy 05-16-2011 12:50 PM

Re: still in denial and slowly deteriorating. please help!
 
Hi s7,

I have been where you are with the adderrall. Of course you are feeling the way you do using so much adderrall. Your body IS deteriorating. This drug is just as harmful as crystal meth. And you're going to keep needing more to have any effect, as you already know.
You asked for advice. STOP USING. This will continue to get worse and quickly if you don't. Does anyone know what you're doing? Do you have anyone you can talk to? Your doctor didn't question your pulse?
Stimulants are no fun to detox from, but the good news is, withdrawal isn't dangerous like some other drugs. You are going to sleep for days and eat like a horse. You will be irritable and most likely very depressed for who knows how long. Everyone is different. You need to get the AD back in your system.
I'm no expert, so you must consult with a professional. Good luck!

Roxy


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