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Old 07-07-2011, 12:41 PM   #1
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Pills Pills Pills

Hi all,
I am new to this board, just signed up today. I want feedback for a few things. First off, when I was younger I wanted adderall to be able to function and achieve more when I went to college. I believed I had ADD (which I think is a fancy term for chronic laziness) So I went to a psych and he proscribed me what I wanted of course. At that time in my life I wasn't mature enough to handle the adderall (or maybe it was just the addict personality). I went from taking my prescribed dose at the time (2 5mg a day) to eventually taking multiple 30 mg pills a day by 3 years later. I was super skinny and the pills ran my life. I smoked marijuana because I liked it at the time and I needed it to even sleep. Eventually my breaking point for adderall at that time came when my neighbor wanted me to buy him 24 hour sudafed in the yellow box at the store. I had a feeling he was into real deal speed because he would always be up late working in the yard and stuff. He made speed with the sudafed I bought him and gave me some and I tried it. I liked it, it was like amped up adderall. I ended up taking it on Christmas and hung with my family. I felt so guilty and I flushed everything I had and stopped taking all amphetamines. I just smoked weed. I then stopped smoking weed (I still dont) I was clean for a year. Then I helped somebody house sit. At the house I found vicodin and took some for whatever reason, it was so impulsive. I then got addicted to vicodin-getting it however I could, from whoever. I felt guilty for taking it from people. I still do. My mom had hip replacement surgery and had oxys I started taking those as well. Got addicted for those. Then when all my avenues for opiates were at a dead end. I found myself with no option but to be sober and drink on the weekends. I am now in my mid 20's. I started finding it harder and harder to stay at work and achieve what I needed to in the work place as well. I just would be led astray by whatever on the internet. So I decided I did need to treat my add. I went back to the psych and was proscribed adderall again. I don't abuse it like I used to and when I do use it correctly it does help me achieve and I am able to sleep without downers or anything. Sometimes adderall makes me feel zombieish and weird though too. I lose part of my personality on it. I just don't understand why I am so addicted and impulsive. I have good intentions in life and I love helping people. If I saw an oxycontin and I had taken an adderall I would probably take it (I never would combine drugs anymore). Why am I like this? Why cant I achieve, function, or be the best I can be (or at least feel like it) without drugs?

I know I am not always living like it with my decisions. I wan't to be better. Is it wrong I am taking adderall again if it helps and I am not abusing it? I wan't to hear peoples thoughts on my situation. Thank you so much

Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:22 PM.

 
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Old 07-07-2011, 03:25 PM   #2
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

Well first off, welcome to the boards. Skipping to the end of your post, when you went to the second Psych, did you talk to him about your history of drug abuse? Particularly the drug you wanted him to give you? I'm sure you had a pretty good inkling that you weren't going to be able to stay on the straight and narrow with the adderall, you knew how you'd acted before. You do seem to have a very addictive nature, hindered by a very impulsive nature which is normal for ADD. Your problems seem many, solutions, I count 2.


You know what you are doing is wrong, admit it, ask for forgiveness, ask for him to help you get better, ask him for strength. 2)Make an appt with your Psych and let the story out, tell him what has happened in your life, and your tired of it, your tired of the drugs controlling you. Tell him you need help.

These are the 2 most honest answers I can think of for you. I seriously hope that you will seek help, hope, forgivness, and healing. You are so young and have so much of your life left to live...

I'll keep you in my prayers, stay safe and well.

Kat

Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:20 PM.

 
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Old 07-07-2011, 05:47 PM   #3
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

This basically is what the jist of your story is..... You had/have an addictive personality and have tried every drug short of coke and heroin. You need adderal to function normally but this time you will not abuse it...

I say do it. If it helps and according to you, you are not going to abuse it.... You'll be just fine. You have a history with the drug and know what to expect and you are smarter this time around.

Good luck.

Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:19 PM.

 
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Old 07-08-2011, 11:26 AM   #4
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

Well both these responses are good. Kat thank you! Your honesty is appreciated I know my nature is wrong . I am engaged and I want to start a healthy life long marriage as well. The root of my problems which I didn't mention in my original post is that I grew up with a single mom who popped pills for as long as I could remember-there was always a pill bottle in the house. I wonder if I have a dope gene? I wonder if its the cycle passing down to me? I want to break this cycle for sure. I am one of the strongest in my family.



I want to move forward to a new chapter in my life. I really do. Thanks for the encouragement guys

Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:18 PM. Reason: removed religion subject

 
Old 07-10-2011, 05:24 AM   #5
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

Youth is Impetuous, Most will agree that we gain wisdom as we age.

Medication by themselves are not the Root of all Evil!! They can Become so if abused as you found out.

Ones Need is anthers abuse.....example..There are some with fewer pain receptors who can get by with very little to manage pain..Others require more.

In your case its not Pain but ADD that needs managing.

Since you have some experience and Know what is enough and you've taken the first step which is to acknowledge that you have an addictive personality and need support and have sought out support, i see no problem until there is one and that is a monkey always ready to climb on to your back......

Keep an eye on your goals and another on that Monkey ALWAYS.....and You'll be fine. Just recognize that its a lifetime commitment to keep that Monkey in his place...It gets easier over time but it aint easy to begin, That takes REAL Strength of will.....Will that you've shown!!

Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:17 PM. Reason: religious reference is not appropriate

 
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Old 07-10-2011, 02:39 PM   #6
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

I never said drugs were the "Root of all evil", nor will you ever hear me say that as I am a Chronic Pain patient since I was 17 and also have BiPolar Disorder. I take more "drugs" in a day just to be able to walk and function, than most on this board have ever been addicted to. I don't condemn the use of medication for Real Medical Conditions, nor would I ever condemn someone for become addicted to a medication that they were prescribed and had to take for a long time....some people do have more of chemical weakness and too little respect for the meds themselves and it gets them in trouble, not always their fault.

So, just wanted to clear that up, like to have the truth out there and all that.

kat

Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:17 PM.

 
Old 07-10-2011, 04:17 PM   #7
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

Been there done all that. Have you ever talked to a methadone clinic? It's the only place that eases you on and off and monitors you. My counselor really cares. Just a thought for you to try.

 
Old 07-10-2011, 11:19 PM   #8
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

Well at least it sounds like you've taken responsibility for your actions and know it was wrong. You just have to work on building up the willpower against the C & the alcohol.

I'm doing okay, the pains been pretty bad the last few days, but I've been good and stayed at my normal dose of morphine. I did run through my percs a bit quicker, but that happens once in a while, just depends on how rainy it is, weather, activity, etc.

and as for my kitties I do love to hold them and just squish em. *l* until they get tired of it and run for their life. Nothing like having lil purrballs in your lap or on your shoulder sleeping to calm down all the inner beasts.

have a good one, and take care.

kat

 
Old 07-10-2011, 11:26 PM   #9
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

Yes have a good night! I can't sleep.... Happens when I'm off pills. Sucks. Yeah having pets is really great.... Especially when u don't feel well or are down. I dont know hat I'd do without mine! Yeah I'm a pain patient too.... ran thru my break thus. So Im just waiting to make it to my appt where I get them again. I've had a headache for 3weeks! And yeah I take full responsibility got my actions, my weakness and those choices. It's always been an issue. But like I said, it rarely around so I at least don't have to deal with that much. It's enough with the pain pills and always fallling off schedule. Anyhow, thank for the lil chat! I hope u feel well this week!! Wendy
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Old 07-11-2011, 11:12 AM   #10
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

Thank you everybody for your great responses. I really appreciate it. Wendy sorry that offended you. I didn't mean anything offensive by that post. That is the problem with email, message boards, and text messages sometime stuff can get taken wrong. My family on my mom's side is all Jewish immigrants from Russia, I love the Jewish culture and would never speak against it. I understand how it could of been taken offensive. It was more a message to other Christians not a bash on Jews and other religions. Anyway, i hope this finds you well. Thank you again everybody for all the great uplifting words.

 
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Old 07-11-2011, 12:03 PM   #11
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

How are you doing? Are you hanging in there?

kat

 
Old 07-11-2011, 01:45 PM   #12
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

I am doing pretty good. Good week thus far...I have actually had a good month.

I just need to continue working on myself ya know? Anyway, thank you for checking up. I appreciate it! How are you?

Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:24 PM.

 
Old 07-11-2011, 02:27 PM   #13
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

thanks for the reply! . I hope u are doing well!
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Last edited by Administrator; 07-11-2011 at 04:25 PM.

 
Old 07-12-2011, 09:43 AM   #14
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Re: Pills Pills Pills

I'm not so good today, lost contact with a friend last night and I'm worried and concerned for him.....

But I'm glad you're doing well. Remember there is always support here if you need it.

kat

 
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