Re: 11 years and counting
I am glad you can not look past those shows without pain... the pain comes as we empathize and find compassion for those who are still hurting. No, not all will make it, Friend. However, some will and perhaps the Lord has a purpose for those of us who have made it... perhaps we have survived so we can send a message of hope to those struggling with the torment of addiction. In the process, we may help another survive. The support of this board was a huge influence on my surviving. The ones who made it before me? Some stuck around and were there to help me through the darkest of times.
15 years ago, I had a very rare cancer. At that time, I had only a 5% chance of survival. Simutaneously, my daughter's best friend's mom was also struggling with cancer. Odd, we both had it in our leg. Never was sure of the kind she had. However, she died, I did not. I struggled a long time with 'survivor's grief', which is what I recognize in you. Some addicts never get better and die, while some, like you, find recovery. Some cancer patients die, some of us survive. Somewhere along the line, I had to let go of that grief, that guilt.... that is part of what I worked on in therapy as I was withdrawaing from the drugs. What did I do with the guilt? I turned it into a personal little mission of my own. I went out of my way to talk with people who were suffering...who were tormented by whatever came into their lives. I became an available person. I did exactly what you do... recognize my extreme blessing of survival and work at passing the hope along.
We are seed planters sometimes, Phoenix, and although we may not always get to see fruit born of it, I do believe it happens sometimes. To hurt for others is a spiritual awakening for many of us. Embrace it. It is a gift bestowed on you as a result of your own suffering (all of it).
Yes, your eleven years and counting is a blessing to many others. Humbleness and sincerity clearly come from you in your posts. How wonderful to think that we have the ability to empathize and commiserate with those who are walking in the shoes we once wore.
Take care of yourself always