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Old 02-20-2012, 03:47 AM   #1
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A Tad Overwhelmed

Hello all,

Have you ever had one of those days?

Well,i've had several of those years.

I have watched myself slowly(over a 7 year span) turn into a self-proclaimed hermit with "scrooge-like" tendencies(hmmm ebineezer would be an appropriate username).

I've been applying the mask of normalcy religiously but for whatever reason feel like venting.

I'm tired of wearing this proverbial covering and would give anything to stop feeling the way I do(emotionally and physically).

Frustration is my mistress, as I seem to be married to melancholy.


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Old 02-20-2012, 04:28 PM   #2
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Hello Phoenix

Well, my friend, you have certainly had many traumatic events in life. If they had had no effect on you I would be even more worried about you. I read your posts on various boards and have seen some of your life's events. Some have been remakably sad.

I guess there is not much we can do sometimes when we suffer from physical disabilities. We can just try to cope as best we can. That in itself is a monumental task, isn't it? That in itself can be an exhausting, overwhelming deal day in and day out. It can tax us to the degree that it affects our emotional and spiritual well being as well. When we add to that some traumatic life events, well... damn, it is tough.

I know this because I, too, have had many physical traumas and too many life events concerning deaths that overwhelmed me. Like you, I pushed on for a number of years forcing that smile and just trying to forge forward. I reached out to others in many ways... union president, the friend to always call, involved mom, etc. I, too, wanted desperately to appear "normal" and adjusted because that is what I wanted so badly. However, in truth I was not normal. I was beyond unhappy. It was only when the peak of my addiction, physical pain, and mental pain came together at me at full force that I finally found what I had been missing for myself.

That missing part was sympathy and grief for myself, for what I had endured, for the torment inside of me. It took a lot of work and a lot of practice to learn how to grieve for the things I had lost...people dear to me, parts of my bodt to cancer, deep hurts. Once I learned how to have that sympathy and caring for myself, to understand that sometimes we have to feel sorrow for ourselves, torrents of pain let loose. I cried, I sobbed, I swore and cursed. The buried torments came to the surface and I faced them and knew that many of them were indeed pretty horrible events. I had a right to feel horrible about some of the things I endured. Once I claimed that right, I finally found peace. All those things are still a part of me, but they no longer identify me. I can accept them as events that have shaped my life in many ways, but those events are no longer what control me.

Have you ever grieved for the losses, the hurts in your life? I read the kind and tender words you support others with, but have you ever used those words on yourself? Have you ever told yourself, "Phoenix, I am so sorry for the hurts you have gone through, the pain you have suffered"??? It is important, Buddy, that we learn how to do this or our past will continue to control our future.

We know that there is hurt and grief behind addicts. When we conquer the addiction, we begin a life of sobriety. When we learn how to feel sorrow for the grief and pain in us, we begin to regain the ability to be happy again.

With respect and caring for you
reach

 
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Old 02-21-2012, 01:29 AM   #3
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Hiya Phoenix!
First off, what a great post Reach. Very interesting stuff to read. You really give back, you both do, now that you have both feet on the ground.... even when some days it doesn't feel kind it.
Phoenix, I know you've been through a lot of stuff in your life. has the melancholy always followed you? I don't remember but have you been to therapy recently or taken and meds in that arena recently? I take effexor daily for my anxiety issues and it helps me so much. Of course , I tried to go off it once and realized it's harder to come off of than any drug I've abused... but that's another story. Anyhow, just something to think about ... sometimes you can even do that for a short period to get you through a rough patch.

Also, venting is GREAT if you ask me! You gotta get that out of you. You may need to wear a smile to work or whatever, but it's so important to get the negative crap out, whether you post here, journal, talk to someone... whatever you're most comfortable with. I tend to not be that expressive and I internalize way too much. But just feeds my anxiety and I'm sure it doesnt help my other physical issues either - migraines etc.
Getting it out is like getting poison out. I'm sure it feeds depression too.
Also for me at least, it's easier for me to numb myself if i have a bunch of stuff trapped inside. I know you are doing really well with tour recovery (yay!) but it will help so much if you vent more and don't carry it all inside you.

Lastly I wanted to say - Ive become a hermit due to my drug use and a hermit isn't really who i am. I've already made plans that are set in stone for me to get out.
If physically you aren't well enough to fo
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Old 02-21-2012, 01:44 AM   #4
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

(sorry, it posted before I was ready!)
Anyhow I was just gonna suggest you have a friend over for a movie or something unless you felt up to going out. The more you do, the less Scrooge-y you will feel. I thought I was happy with my hermit ways, but when I REALLY examined it, I realized I wasn't/am not. So I make plans that are hard for me to cancel. My migraines make it a little hard, but I usually keep my plans cause they are promises to myself.
Anyhow just some thoughts. You sure aren't alone! Sometimes I'm like "Man, I'm having one of those lifetimes" and it sounds funny but sometimes I mean it.
Remember when you feel that way that even though there may be a bunch of "bad" happening at that time, sometimes all at once... breaks do happen. You just have to recognize those breaks and take advantage of them, in what ever way makes you smile.
Sending good vibes your way, my pal!
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Old 02-21-2012, 06:33 AM   #5
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Quote:
Originally Posted by reachout View Post
Have you ever grieved for the losses, the hurts in your life? I read the kind and tender words you support others with, but have you ever used those words on yourself? Have you ever told yourself, "Phoenix, I am so sorry for the hurts you have gone through, the pain you have suffered"??? It is important, Buddy, that we learn how to do this or our past will continue to control our future.

We know that there is hurt and grief behind addicts. When we conquer the addiction, we begin a life of sobriety. When we learn how to feel sorrow for the grief and pain in us, we begin to regain the ability to be happy again.

With respect and caring for you
reach
Reach,

I gave your response a read through and had to take time to ingest all of it.

Today I have begun the grieving process and feel as if my soul is on fire.

I've dug down and I mean way down,only to realize that I have a lot of work to do.

My focus and direction shifted and it's important that I now face the music.

I want to say so much but don't know where to begin.

Thanks a lot reach.

Sincerely stated,

Phoenix
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Old 02-21-2012, 12:57 PM   #6
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Phoenix,

Hey bud...I think we all have a bit of the "hermit" in us. I know I do. I do for days upon days before I realize that a week has gone by and i've not left the house.....it's so easy to just not leave the house. It's easy here, no people to deal with, no world to deal with.

And then some well meaning friend will come by and drag me out and get me back in the habit of getting back out there....and it works for a while and then I find an excuse to hunker down in my house and not leave.

It's just easier when we dont' have to face all those people out there I think, easier when we don't have to face society and all it asks of us. Now is it better? hell no, and we're smart people, we know this.....but convincing the part of our brain that convinces us that staying in is better than going out is no easy task is it....

Just remember my friend we're all here for you, we've all been in this boat either in the past, the present or off and on in between. I'll be walking around the house at 3 or so in the morning looking out the window thinking how wierd it is that it's so quiet outside, not one noise....then it hits....ummm...hey dork, it's 3:00 in the morning, it's supposed to be quiet, and your supposed to be sleeping like normal people do...why don't you give that a try for a change....so yeah, I guess we all have our quirks, our things that make us different, non-normies....but I guess the good part of that is that we've been there and it makes it easier to be there for each other, easier to understand the hell that each one of one of us is or has gone through or going through.

Hang in there bud and stay strong!

Kat

 
Old 02-21-2012, 02:17 PM   #7
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

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Originally Posted by Wendy88 View Post
I don't remember but have you been to therapy recently or taken and meds in that arena recently?Also, venting is GREAT if you ask me! You gotta get that out of you. You may need to wear a smile to work or whatever, but it's so important to get the negative crap out, whether you post here, journal, talk to someone... whatever you're most comfortable with.
Getting it out is like getting poison out. I'm sure it feeds depression too.
Wendy,

I'm doing the therapy and med waltz now.

Only thing is that expressing dissatisfaction brings me no relief these days.These days i've been clinging onto resentments like barnacles to a ship.

The answer for me lies internally;I just need to search hard enough(even though it seems like I don't even know what i'm searching for at times).

I am getting that deja vu feeling again.....it seems familiar and I believe the key may be approaching things from a different angle.

Thanks for the post.

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Old 02-21-2012, 02:51 PM   #8
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

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Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
. Now is it better? hell no, and we're smart people, we know this.....but convincing the part of our brain that convinces us that staying in is better than going out is no easy task is it....

Just remember my friend we're all here for you, we've all been in this boat either in the past, the present or off and on in between. I guess we all have our quirks, our things that make us different, non-normies....but I guess the good part of that is that we've been there and it makes it easier to be there for each other, easier to understand the hell that each one of one of us is or has gone through or going through.
Kat,


I will state for the record that it's good to know that there's a place I can go where I won't be judged and people can relate.

The sort of hell i'm going through now is most unwelcomed but yet tolerable.

I'll weather this "storm" and another will be right behind to keep me in a mode that I can only describe as danger.

I'll be alright;eventually.I'm a survivor,if nothing else.

Respectfully
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Last edited by Phoenix; 02-22-2012 at 06:15 AM.

 
Old 02-23-2012, 12:09 AM   #9
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Hi Phoenix

Thinking about you and wanted to give you a shout out. How has the day been? Did it have some good parts for you? I am hoping so.

Tackle the issues you find down deep one at a time. It's going to take time to discover the hidden stuff, but if you keep working at it, it will all come out eventually. One day at a time, one day at a time.

Phoenix, you are going to be okay. Truly. As we learn to find the hurts and pains we have buried, we can learn soothe those hurts and pains. We learn to understand them as being a part of us, but not controlling us.

I am up way, way too late here, but had to take a moment to wish you well.

As always
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Old 02-23-2012, 09:02 AM   #10
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

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Originally Posted by reachout View Post
Hi Phoenix

Thinking about you and wanted to give you a shout out. How has the day been? Did it have some good parts for you? I am hoping so.

Tackle the issues you find down deep one at a time. It's going to take time to discover the hidden stuff, but if you keep working at it, it will all come out eventually. One day at a time, one day at a time.

Phoenix, you are going to be okay. Truly. As we learn to find the hurts and pains we have buried, we can learn soothe those hurts and pains. We learn to understand them as being a part of us, but not controlling us.

I am up way, way too late here, but had to take a moment to wish you well.

As always
reach
Hello reach,

Thanks for checking in.

There's a fine line between normal and abnormal and it seems that i'm tightrope-walking it these days.

Respectfully
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Old 02-24-2012, 02:16 AM   #11
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Hi Phoenix!
Hang in there. I hope today was an OK one!
I totally hear you about that medicine waltz. that process can be a long, exhausting one as you try to find the right medicine, the right dose etc. I don't know if you've been through this before, but stick with it! Once you find the right medicine for you, you will know it and it should help, especially if you find a good therapist that you like too. L
I take an SNRI , effexor, for anxiety, and I find it to really help. Coming off of some of these can be difficult in their own way, like Effexor. So make sure to fwy that info too.
Anyhow you probably know this already, but just in case!

And I also agree that sometimes thinking about issues in a different way can really open things up and cause a different light to shine on them.
You seem to be approaching everything in a good way. The best way you can.
One thing you said reminded me of something I say. I say about my anxiety and why it's so hard for me to fix my problems is - I'm comfortable in being uncomfortable. - When you said another storm would be behind you to keep you in a mode you can only describe as danger, do you think that your mind ever sets you up for thinking or feeling to keep you in that place cause no matter how bad it mskes you feel, it's familiar? Of course, im only commenting on where your mind may go while processing things that are going on, NOT that your mind is creating things that aren't there. I'd hate for you to think I was saying that. Anyhow , just sharing an observation that I had about myself that I don't know if others ever think of.
Keep on being strong! you have so much strength and intellect. You can get to the bottom of what troubles you!!

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Old 02-24-2012, 02:51 AM   #12
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Hello Wendy,

I do what I can,when I can.

My hypervigilance;that anxiety from within,often dictates my frame of mind at times.

Seriously,I wish it would go away but when reality sets in it's just doom and gloom all over again.

The paranoia that exists stems from this state of mind and I realize it yet cannot do much to thwart its progress.

When you are on constant alert,as I am,your body tends to dictate how your mind will react.

It's not so much delusional as it is an instilled behavior at this point.

I've known you long enough that I don't take offense to the words you type.

Know that i'll keep fighting that good fight,as long as I can,for as long as I can.

I just need to take a deep breath of air and exhale.....for now.

Respectfully
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Old 02-24-2012, 03:55 AM   #13
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

First off, thanks to all for the encouraging words of wisdom.

I am a tad overwhelmed myself. I've been drinking non stop for days, suffer from bulimia, and have a horrible taste in my throat that just wont go away. It's all my own fault. I am the master of my own destiny. I choose to be this way? Why??????? I dont get it. Yes, a tad bit overwhelmed today. I'm quickly losing everything around me...

 
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Old 02-25-2012, 03:25 PM   #14
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Hey Phoenix!
I see where you are coming from clearer. Well you are taking steps toward, and that can only be a good thing. A strong thing to do! That and the fact that you understand where it comes from, again, we should all be so lucky to have that level of insight. You doing what you can when you can is all you can ask of yourself. And I'll bet what you do is more beneficial than you know.

You are very smart and have so much strength! I'm right there rooting for you and, in the future, a time where you are able to not have to live what you learned in your past. I know it's easy to type and hard to do, but I truely believe if anyone can, you can my friend!
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Old 02-25-2012, 04:45 PM   #15
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Re: A Tad Overwhelmed

Quote:
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Hey Phoenix!
I see where you are coming from clearer. Well you are taking steps toward, and that can only be a good thing. A strong thing to do! That and the fact that you understand where it comes from, again, we should all be so lucky to have that level of insight. You doing what you can when you can is all you can ask of yourself. And I'll bet what you do is more beneficial than you know.

You are very smart and have so much strength! I'm right there rooting for you and, in the future, a time where you are able to not have to live what you learned in your past. I know it's easy to type and hard to do, but I truely believe if anyone can, you can my friend!
Wendy
Heya Wendy,

I looked at my hypervigilence and now am viewing the correlation with my chronic pain and depressive symptoms.

I may not be able to conquer the symptoms but i've got to try and stay committed to the cause.The only thing is bulimia became one of my coping mechanisms.

Gotta keep pushing forward,even when the point of least resistance is at my back(metaphorically speaking).

Respectfully
Phoenix
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