I have been with my fiancee for 18 months. We were so happy. He told me about his past with heroin addiction and getting clean, and I believed him. I am close to his mum who went through all this with him and we have discussed it all together as I am clueless about drugs. I've always had doubts about him being 100% clean though. He still hangs out with mates from the past who I know use and two of his close friends refuse to be around them. I have told him I don't like these guys round at the house but he always gets defensive. Money has gone missing and he has always explained it away, but I think he has used it for drugs...either for himself or them. Recently we had to move back to my mum's in the sticks, as an old mate accused him of still using and told me. He swore blind it wasn't true and we spent days at his mum's so that he could prove to me and her that he was clean. He didn't show any signs of withdrawal so I assumed his mate was lying, as he had tried to cause trouble in the past as well with other friends in the group. Then I found foil and burnt heroin in a DVD case...that was the last straw and we moved, he said it was the only way to make me believe him. Soon after we moved he started getting getting low and moody until eventually he said he needed to go back to his mum's for the weekend. While he was there, I found some messages on his facebook to his mate (a dodgy one) and his brother from last year. One was asking his mate for meth and the other was apologising to his brother because he went out to score! This was when I wasn't with him, a year ago, away for a few days with my mum. His bro asked if I was cool with it, he said no and please don't say anything! He didn't do it regularly! I am distraught! It's not only the heroin it's the lies and deceit. I have told him I read it and he denied everything and slammed the phone down. That was two days ago and I have sent a letter telling him everything, all the anger I feel and how I am now dying. I feel that everything he has ever said to me has been a lie, does he love me? No, I think not, or why couldn't he have told me? I asked him sensitively when his 'mate' told me, and said I would help him get help, but he denied it then too. YOU CAN'T SMOKE HEROIN CASUALLY, can you? There are so many issues here, I am overwhelmed, shocked, angry, scared, alone (I can't tell my mum, she will never let him in the house again) and so ******* upset. I can't go anywhere, (no transport) I haven't got friends round here...the only person I can talk to is his best mate, but he's denying it all to him too!!!!! Can anyone help me? Has anyone else been through this? What can we do to save our relationship???????I'm desperate here
Until he's ready to admit he's a drug addict and user and needs to get heldp and get clean you guys cannot save your relationship. You DO NOT want to start a marriage with a drug addict who won't even admit what he'd doing when you have proof that he's doing it. If he's lied to you about all of this, he's going to lie to you about any and everything, it's his way of life and you can't change that, his love for the heroin is much stronger than anything else.
Unfortunately all you can do is give him an ultimatum, he checks in a facility gets off the heroin, gets clean, then you wait at least 6 months to make sure he really is clean and then talk marriage again....this is if you really really love this guy and think he's the one for you, becaue this is going to be a long and ardurous journey, very painful at times and extremely stressful. If you don't think he's worth going through all that, then cut your losses now. Because even if he gets clean....you'll always wonder, everytime there's an error in the checkbook and some money is off, or you can't account for a time period of his whereabouts, a phone call that he can't explain....you'll always think he's doing drugs again.