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Old 04-24-2012, 07:29 AM   #31
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

as soon as my lease is up im outta here. your symptoms sound alot like mine, i know i dont remember feeling 100% after 2 or even 3 weeks after by any means. i still had what you were describing. i just figured it was paws, told myself ive made it this long, it'll get easier. well im going on 5 months now and it does get easier. after 7 years of abuse im sure my brain is still doing some rewiring. on the valium its up to you but u mentioned u had an issue with benzos before, def dont wana be trading addictions. i also hate anxiety, heck i dont know who actually enjoys it lol. maybe the underwear freaks, they get off on the fear of gettin caught, who knows. with the lady, tell her she can keep the skittles for now on or however u wana put it but make it clear ur done.

have a good one
ice

 
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Old 04-24-2012, 01:35 PM   #32
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Hey Kelly,

Hon, you are in a really tough spot, but your strong and your making it through each day. Taking care of a baby is hard when everything is perfect and you feel great...when your sick or dealing with what your doing it can be almost impossible, but your doing it. Your not giving up and that says volumes about you. Knowing that you'll be able to look that lil guy in the eye on his first day of kindergarten when your clean and healthy and sober and have taken care of him and kept him safe and healthy....that's what you need to hold on to in the rough times. I'm so sorry that your family isn't there for you. Is there a church near you that might have some sort of outreach program where someone could give you a ride to the grocery store and pharmacy? And never be too ashamed or embarrassed to ask, that's what they are there for, to help people.

As far as your neighbor, she may think she's being helpful, but you need to put an end to that right now. Just tell her straight out, "I understand your trying to help me, but I don't take narcotics any more and having them around makes me uncomfortable, so thank you for thanking of me, but please don't bring pills into my home." You have to be firm in your resolve, your going to run into these kinds of situations and if you worry about everyone else instead of You, you'll end up getting sucked back in.

Hang in there,

Kat

 
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:16 PM   #33
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Wow. Your recovery has been really inspiring. You have done a great job. Pleaded keep us updated.

 
Old 04-25-2012, 03:41 AM   #34
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

So my neighbor came up yesterday and I told her that I appreciated her help with the skittles and all but that I don't need them anymore so she can just keep them. I'd rather not have them around because I'm allergic to them. Ya right. So she said ok. That's that. I went through old meds I had and threw out old junk, antibiotics, etc... Found Valium and there was 5 left. I took one yesterday and it helped the anxiety tremendously. Also the sweats went away too. Took one this morning about half an hour ago. Think I'll take one every morning for the next three days and see how I feel after that. I've been reading about people who have been doing this "marijuana maintenance". I can't imagine being stoned all day. Ok maybe I can but it was more like euphoric! Lol. I refuse to swap my addictions! I'm getting rid of this demon an then I'm done for good. I know it will be with me the rest of my life, but I will do everything in my power to maintain the upper hand! I've heard of people having tens and twenties of years clean that relapse. Just goes to show how powerless we really are. When these pills get a hold of me, thats it. I'm done for.

Ice I'm glad to hear you're moving. Hope you got all ur underwear back! I seem to be feeling better today than yesterday. So I guess I'm gonna have good days and bad days. I just have to learn how to cope with this anxiety. Because I'm not taking Valium for more than a week or two. I refuse to get addicted to it.

Kat, how are ya?! I almost cried when I read ur post about my son going to kg. I can't see it. He's a baby and it's my last one. (tubal) I want him to stay a baby but I know he won't. He is what keeps me going. I can remember carrying him into the dr office to get my meds when he was tiny and saying to him "I am so sorry ur mommy is a piece O's ****.'" and I'd cry all the way home. I can't wait for the rest of our life together! Especially since I'll be "there". Thanks for all your help.

Hi monoxide! Welcome.
Everyone have a good one!
Kelly

 
Old 04-25-2012, 12:44 PM   #35
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Hey Kelly,

Good job with the neighbor girl! I'm doing okay, having a "stay in bed 'cuz it hurts to much to move day!" Thank god for laptops! That lil guy of yours will look at you one day and be thankful that he has such an awesome strong mommy to take care of him! My sons are 22, and 13....believe me, not many days go without me apologizing to my oldest for being a weak, idiot, loser and screwing his life up at some points here an there...he laughs it off and says, "I love ya MOM!" he's a great kid, a Fire Fighter, loving, caring, compassionate, honest and courageous in spite of me as much as because of me. Kids are amazingly resilliant! If you try your hardest to change and make your life better they can accept that and love you and help you and make it all worth it!

Your doing one of the hardest things you'll probably ever have to do in your life, and your doing it great! Your son has an awesome mommy, he's a lucky lil guy!

kat

 
Old 04-25-2012, 08:00 PM   #36
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tysmom1 View Post
Hi ice! I've been following you on here for some time now and I am so proud and envious at the same time! Does that make sense?! I am struggling with these darn painkillers and I feel lost. I'm scared. I'm lonely. Been 24 hours without and so far I'm just sad and anxious. A little bit cold and hot too! What's up with that!!!!! I went thirty years without ever touching a drug and for the past 5 years I've been in and out of sobriety. I want this so bad but my head is focused on seeing my doc tomorrow. I don't want to go. I want to be the outgoing person that I was 5 years ago. Before I even knew what percs vics etc...even were. Anything you can say would help. I am so rooting for you! Congrats and please help...

 
Old 04-25-2012, 08:04 PM   #37
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

today i have been clean for 4 months myself...i got clean i week before christmas, with the help of methadone, this is my second trip down this road, i have been dealing with a pill addiction off and on...more on,,, for the last 6 years... so if anyone wants to swap stories or just needs to vent i'm all ears....best of luck all!!!!! and rember it's so very true... 1 day at a time...or for some 1 hour at a time....

 
Old 04-25-2012, 08:11 PM   #38
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Hey, Congrats on your 4 months!! and welcome to the Boards.

Kat

 
Old 04-25-2012, 08:53 PM   #39
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

thank you, I'm not sure if I'm replying using the right format it seams to have the post i was replying to attached to it, but I'm new to using a computer too so who knows. but i still have a hard time maintaining a normal sleeping pattern some days I'm napping from 1 to 4 other days i fall asleep at 7pm and then I'm up for the day at 1 am...so I'm still a mess when it comes to sleeping and the sweats yuk!!! I'm always changing clothes, but I'm sure being on the methadone adds to that issue.i tried stopping the pills with no help i would always fail so to the girl who stopped good for you it's so very hard, as u know 1st hand. i have a major issue going on. 3 weeks ago i had a fall walking my dog...damm little thing, well i tore a ligament that hold my knee cap on. so painful, and i can't have the pain pills. i was honest with the doctor. told him i was on methadone, he still offered me perks...ohhh so tempting.. but i get a urine test every week so i wouldn't be fooling no one but my self, he said i could have them even with the methadone, but i know me,,,,i can't!!!! so now what do i do, I'm on naproon...it don't touch the pain, i had my methadone increased that has seamed to help. the doctor wants to do surgery...i'm so scared!!!! i know i'll need the pain meds but i know it's playing with fire. I've been out of work now because of the fall for 3 weeks, i need to work, and the longer i put this off the more in debt i get. the methadone clinic/ along with my counselor says have the surgery we will deal with it... i just don't know it's scarey...i love my dog but at times i just look at him and think your the devil testing me....so confused,,,,thanx for letting me vent...i think i can head off to bed now...I'll try to stay in touch

 
Old 04-25-2012, 09:12 PM   #40
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

To reply without the other posters post showing, hit the "quick reply" button, not the "quote reply" button.

For the actual knee surgery that can be done with an epidural and a nerve block at the knee, you can stay awake for that. When they do the nerve block the anethesiologist injects morphine into your spinal fluid to help with post-surgery pain. Knee surgery is one of the most painful surgeries, you'd have to take some kind of pain killer once the nerve block wore off, which would be 12 - 24 hours. You wouldn't have to take it very long though, a few days at most, just until your up and moving around, then you could go to high dose Ibuprofen. The ligament in your knee will not heal by itself, and it will cause damage to other parts of your knee. without the ligament on one side working to help keep your knee cap in place and on it's "track" it will slide to one side and grate against bone. This will cause your cartilidge to wear and tear as well as damage your knee cap and bones. This isn't something you can just not worry about and hope it gets better, unfortunately. If you don't fix it now, it will be a major problem later.

For the sleep issues, try not to take long naps during the day. Make yourself stay on a strict sleep schedule, go to bed at the same time each night, whether you think your tired or not. Cut all stimulation out of your bedroom, i.e. radio, TV, computer. Keep your room dark and cool/cold. There are also herbal supplements that are safe and non-habit forming you could try, Melatonin and Valerian Root, you can get them at any pharmacy or mega-store.

Hope the morning brings you more peace of mind.

Kat

 
Old 04-25-2012, 11:49 PM   #41
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Hi all and welcome froglady!! So it's 240 am and I've been up an hour already! This sleep thing sucks. Melatonin did nothing. I'm so tired. What am I gonna do with that baby tomorrow? Froglady- congrats on ur 4 months! One day soon I'll be there! Can't wait! One day....

Big prob right now is sleep but it will eventually return! I'll live. Is it weird to say that I don't have the obsessions and emotional side effects yet. Maybe I'm just so determined that there's nothing that will ever make me go bak there. Or is it coming!? I just want it all back to normal. There was a huge blow out yesterday between my sis and kom about getting my son for a few hours and I felt like it was all getting blown out of proportion and it was my fault just for asking for help. Christ. Very stressful day. Think it's contributing to the no sleep. My mother can be so hateful and insists on treating me like I'm 15 instead of 36. So uesterday I put my foot down and said I just can't talk to her for a while. Not while I'm going through detox and paws. She's an *** without w/d! Magnified during it! Hope everyone is well. I know that no sleep makes everything worse so hopefully no cravings tomorrow. Good news is, no way of getting it! Take care and help! Kelly

 
Old 04-26-2012, 08:17 AM   #42
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

that you, you are full of helpful information, the sports medicine doctor i was referred to said we should try the wait and see approach and it should heal it's self with rest then physical therapy. but after talking to a friend who is a chiropractor he said the same info you just told me, and basically I'm just stretching this out longer by not having the surgery done by now, he said chances are if i already had the surgery i would be back to work by now. well i have a follow up appointment next week, I'm gunna push for the referral to the surgeon and take it from there, and see what he/she thinks my best route to go is, but thanks again for the info, have a great day!!!

 
Old 04-26-2012, 08:57 AM   #43
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

i know for me sleep has always been a issue but going though withdrawals and no sleep on top of it i was a total mess and to add a small child on it, wow, i just couldn't imagine wow stressed you must be.i can tell you how i manged and maybe some of what i did you can try I'm sure at this point you're will to try just bout any thing. ok for me i did my dinner routine around 630pm had a nice healthy meal, and i had to stop anything with caffeine after 4pm and that meant no chocolate = ( OK so after dinner i did up all the dishes and then spent some time tidying up the house. maybe for you after house work getting out your stroller and takeing the baby for a walk, my thinking here at least for me when i laid down at night i would be thinking about all the stuff i had to do, so going to bed knowing i didn't have a sink full of dishes waitting for me in the morning kind of slowed down my rush thoughts in my head, and maybe for you have some exercise and fresh air would be both good for you and your baby. then i would do bath time i found for me a hot shower helped with all my body aches and god knows i was feeling every ache and pain when i stopped the pain meds, my teeth were so sore because as you know pain meds mask all those ongoing issues you would be feeling if you weren't using pills. OK sorry off track a little. ok i found something about a hot shower or even a bath and raising my body temp then trying to go to sleep with a fan blowing cool air on me makes me have a light headed feeling and it just gives me the edge to feel sleepy and fall asleep, for me staying asleep was a whole other issue, still is today i can't recall the last time i slept straight though the night and I'm not the 1 with babies, mine our teenagers. oh ya just a bit of info I'm also 36. another thing for me i love to read, i find doing that every night before i go to bed it makes my eyes feel heavy then it's off to bed for me. if all else fails i do know some people will take benadryl, i wanna say 50mg. please do not hold me to that dose. and then it also become the habit of reaching for a pill to solve an issue i know that song and dance but i know for me i just kept feeling like if i can just reset my internal clock i could get some much needed sleep. and you sure are right i know for me if I'm lacking sleep I'm a royal ***** I'm cranky i am short fused i become very emotional. I'll cry easy then all the self blame comes out and before i know it I'm having my very own pitty party. so on that note just know your not alone maybe some things i do you can try and maybe it will bring you some relief, i wish you much luck!!!! i would say it would get better with time and I'm sure it will but for my self I'm still dealing with this issue myself. best of luck to both of us...have a great day stay strong when you feel weak just look into your child's eyes and you know you will feel that unconditional love and you'll make it though.

 
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:46 PM   #44
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Kelly,

Hey, how was your day today, hope you made it through okay. Sorry last night was so stressful. Don't feel bad about not dealing with stressful people such as parents or siblings during this time. You have to think about whats best for you and what you can handle, and they'll just have to get over it.

The crappy sleep can last for a while, right now since your not sleeping at night, try to go back to doing it like you do when your baby was a newborn, nap during the day when he does, that way you can get some sleep.

Don't worry about symptoms that you havn't gotten yet, you may never get them, you weren't on the drugs very long. If you stress yourself out worrying about all the symptoms you might get, it'll just be harder to cope with what your going through. Take it easy on yourself and just deal with how your doing each day a day at a time.

Keepin ya in my prayers.

Kat

 
Old 04-27-2012, 01:10 AM   #45
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Re: 4 months free of the opiate shackles

Oh and by the way, how are u feeling today kat? Any better?

 
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