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Old 04-08-2012, 07:17 AM   #1
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Unhappy Desperate to quit!

Hi all! I've been reading ur posts for months now and finally had the courage to join. I am a 36 year old mother of a 13 month old who is hopelessly addicted to narcotic painkillers. I was introduced to them after donating a kidney to my godmothers husband. He had polycistc kidney disease, and needed a transplant. Noone matched so I got tested and u know the rest. I never thought in a million years that I would be stuck with this horrible painful and life robbing addiction, after doing something so selfless. It has been six years since that day and I managed to put a year of clean time in there somehow. Meetings was how. Since then I've isolated. I have no friends, my family is distant but thinks I'm clean, I have one sister who is a constant in my life. The other three dont have much to do with me. Especially the one who has my nephews. But it's all because of my own actions. I just want my life back!!!!!! I hate these pills! I hate them! Does anyone out there feel like they needed it rather than wanted it? I'm so disgusted with myself and hate who I've become. I just took the last two percs I had and I'm done. Pray that I find whatever it is that it takes to defeat this demon once and for all...

 
Old 04-10-2012, 08:36 AM   #2
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Re: Desperate to quit!

It seems you had a life before your addiction and no life after your addiction which is all too common. Was the same for me but your addiction has a more physical dependency which is going to be painful and uncomfortable to say the least. Anyway's you need to start all over like a little girl.

You need to find a new life basically.

I would suggest finding the will power and accept the pain that you will go through and the fact your urge will never be satisfied again but I promise you after the time needed, it will go away.

You will be lost, you will flop around a lot, you will pick up one thing and then quickly go to the next because your mind is unsettle and you don't know what you want and that is because of your addiction. But in knowing this you need to find your life.


Also note, during recovery it is hard to be productive and be successful. Don't put to much pressure on yourself and don't worry if you overload on #4 just make sure the rest are involved on your schedule somehow

I suggest
1. Read philosophy, get an idea of what is right, what is wrong and what is real
2. Find something you want to be great at or find a passion, be open minded and try things you never would imagine yourself trying because it could grow on you. Let things grow on you.
3. Find something that is rewarding to do, help others in addiction or teach something you know, volunteer at a shelter. Something rewarding and somewhere where you are around sober and inspired/good people.
4. Find something that will kill your time and make you pass the time while you feel dread because you will have a lot of dread. Games/hobbies, even if nerdy or unpopular. It's for your sanity a lot of times. I suggest internet games because you could talk crazy as you play and it will be normal for the others and you will only embarrass your screen name not yourself.
5.(Do this if you want because you will think about yourself image and showing people your still amazing is kind of satisfying your ego after being a dupe) Find something that you can get good at that will make you friends or you can show off a little. Find some kind of talent to mess with or get one.
6. Keep healthy and fill your fridge with variety cause your senses need all kinds of stimulation and pleasure and you will go crazy and get bored of the same old things.

Try hard, you will have dreams about taking drugs and all these strong feelings for it. But know that if you keep doing that the path will end the same as always and if you do these things and keep an open mind about what your life can become down the road, you will beat this addiction.

I can only help with the phycological aspect, please, please consult a doctor even if its online, and find out ways to protect yourself from physical relapse.

1 more thing, most addicts I see that quit obsess over what they use to be addicted to. Its natural and annoying but seriously the more you kill time thinking of other things it will die down.

Good luck and hopefully doing these things will help you from wanting it and help you from going back.

It is up to you in the end, it won't be easy or comfortable but in due time...rewarding.

Last edited by mod85; 04-10-2012 at 11:28 AM.

 
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Old 04-11-2012, 04:16 AM   #3
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Re: Desperate to quit!

Jayjay- thank you so much for taking the time to post suggestions of things to do while detoxing and recovering. That's exactly what I needed to read! Cuz I had no idea what to do with all this time I seem to have. Pills seemed to make everything less boring! The reality though, is that sitting around doing nothing while in a drug haze is as pathetic and boring as it gets. I'm looking forward to finding new and fulfilling things to fill my days with. Right now I take my son for a walk everyday to the playground, and always feel better after the physical exercise. I just need some mental workouts now. Your post gave me great ways to get started. Any other feedback is greatly appreciated!!! The depression and cravings are the hardest. Physically I know I'll live, so I can handle this part. It's my head that's messing with me!!!! Thanks again aarecovery and jayjay! I need support right now and you two have given me some of that.

Best wishes! Love, Kelly

Last edited by Administrator; 04-12-2012 at 04:56 PM.

 
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