I am severely addicted to cigarettes, dip, Jagermeister, mushrooms, and <other stuff> (when available).
I am 24/7 constantly high or tripping on something. Unless i'm at work or driving. I'm completely against being under the influence where you may hurt someone else.
I used to be a big party person when only using alcohol and niccotine products. I used to get in allot of fights. Resulting in allot of jail time. Then I got on drugs and calmed down, even though I still drink and smoke. But with calming down I also became very anti-social to the point where I don't talk much. I hate going to crowded places, even when not high. I just can't stand to be around allot of people. Going to work and all is fine. But parties and even crowded stores I avoid. I get real jumpy always watching my back. Even when there is absolutely no need to.
I went to rehab for a while and got clean for a good period of time. But even then I was very anti-social and jumpy. I was also unhappy by myself, not suicidal never suicidal. Ever. But always worried. Then I relapsed.
Not i'm always strung out but I don't worry anymore, it's confusing. Like I have so many thoughts and feelings that the just blow up in my mind unless i'm altered. Helps level it all out I guess.
I know I need to quit everything, but at the same time I was mentally worse off without the drugs. But then again the drugs may wind up killing me.
Last edited by Administrator; 06-01-2012 at 06:53 PM.
The need to be under the influence 24/7 is an indicator of an underlying problem which needs to be tended to.Its' origins may be psychological in nature and best addressed by a therapist or prescribing physician.
If you have family and/or friends that care enough about you,then I must add that you may probably be hurting them with your ritualistic behavior.
One of the worse things a person can witness is to see a loved one spiraling out of control,whether or not by their own hands and know that there is nothing that can be done to help them;except provide advice and/or support.
This is not designed to place a guilt trip upon you but just to state the facts of human nature.
You stated that there is a calming effect that accompanies your vices and that alone makes me feel that psychiatric medication may be of assistance to you.
Of course it's your choice and i'm not passing judgement but if you desire a more meaningful quality of living,it begins with admitting you have a problem and moving forward from there.
You're among concerned individuals here;please take my advice into consideration.
Break the cycle now and you won't regret it.
Does this mean that life will be a bed of roses;no(unless you consider the thorns) but experiencing life with clarity had its' many benefits.
Thanks for the advice. And your right, I know it's a problem. The reason I made the first post was because recently my family did the whole intervention thing. But they gave me a choice, retry rehab, or not. That simple. They said forcing me in wouldn't do any good. It would help if it was my choice. I think I should bite the bullet and take them up on it.
I'm just nervous about the detox process, which I have been through before. Rough. And even after the detox is over and i'm clean. Will it just be a repeat cycle of last time?
If you decide to go in this time,make sure you go in with an open mind.Sure the detox will be rough but in retrospect you've been through it before and know what to expect.
The toughest part will be after the detox.This is where you have the opportunity to benefit most.
Listen to what is being said by the counselors and shared by others.
We are never too you or old to learn something new and even if it begins to seem like a refresher course,then so be it.You're there for you;remember that.
The last time I was in a rehabilitation community,I took it all in stride and stayed from beginning to end.
It wasn't until months later that I realized what was missing in my approach to acceptance of the core concepts.
For me,it was remembering;recalling the people I met from all walks of life.There were soldiers and civilians trying desperately to gain insight into their situation.
Whether or not you'll be swept into the same vortex that you've pointed out will be dependent upon your resolve with self.
You need to be prepared to try approaching life with the blinders off,so to speak.
Those who wish for things they've never had before must be prepared to put in the time to do things differently.
Please feel free to post as often as you like and know that we're sending positive vibes your way.
I used to be a very social person until my drinking got really really heavy. Now I have been sober for awhile and am having the same problems. It's like I no longer know how to talk to people. It is as if I lost some of me to the substances. Good Luck to you.
Starting day two of detox. Yesterday wasn't too terrible, but I could notice the cravings around midday and then on. It is 3:21 in the morning right now and I just woke up sweating but also freezing. I hate that feeling, it'll wear you out. Rehab docs said I could still smoke cigarettes. Just stop doing everything else. After I get clean from drugs and alcohol, then i'm going to work on smoking.
Can't keep my eyes focused. And i'm just sore everywhere. These early warning signs have led me to believe that detox is no easier the second time.
And is coffee ok to drink? I'm wanting coffee really badly.
My withdrawals are terrible. But not as bad as last time, I detoxed off of all of the above AND opies.
The only way I have been keeping my mind straight is writing. I have already filled several documents with everything possible. I figured I would post some useful stuff here, maybe useful to someone else in this position. And maybe useful for me to come back to and read. And I figured if I was going to keep writing, might as well make it something other people may be interested in reading.
First is an apology.
I can apologize to some people to face, even if they don't want to hear it. And I can't blame them if they don't, but I have to do it anyways.
First to my mom and dad. They are awesome parents, always looked out for me and stood by me even when I did the stupidest things possible. They we're the first to force me into getting help. And I mean force me. But i'm glad they did. I'm sorry I went against every thing they ever told me not to do. Drug them through all this, and fought every bit of the way. Even now, when i'm not calm and in my right mind I know I still do and say things against them. And I couldn't blame them a bit if they just run me off and never looked at me again. I'd deserve it.
My real friends. I don't really have any left, but as the days go on it's a bit clearer who the real ones are/were. I'm sorry for fighting and arguing when they we're only trying to help. I honestly hated them when they pointed out just how stupid I was, and actually tried to help me. I mean I lived with one for months as he tried to watch my back, but I got to be too much. We haven't spoken in months. Again I don't blame him. I don't expect forgiveness, I just want them to know at the very least I am sorry.
Last and most important. My sister. Out of every one, she has done the most for me. Every time I was in jail or lost somewhere out of my mind she always brought me home. Even if I called at two O'clock in the morning and she had to work the next day. She was always there. There is nothing I can ever do to repay her, or ever even come close. But after I get back straight I want to try.
Last edited by Administrator; 06-01-2012 at 07:01 PM.
I bet you were expecting much worse and I for one am glad it hasn't been thus far for you.
It's admirable to want to work on smoking down the road.Believe me when I tell you,there will be enough to deal with,just tending to alcohol and drugs.
Coffee? I would say that the jury is out on that one but I see it so prevalent at recovery meetings,etc.
If you do decide to partake in the java,might I suggest decaffeinated as opposed to the garden variety.
When in doubt, post it out.
Last edited by Administrator; 06-01-2012 at 07:01 PM.
Hang in there.You're doing quite well,under the circumstances.
Making amends can be one of the most humbling experiences for a person in recovery to take on.
Our parents;well,it goes with the territory I suppose.That unconditional,tough love that is needed in order to have a chance at a better way of living.
Real pain to my sham friends and sham pain for my real friends(so the saying goes).They come and go but those who were there from the beginning;these are to be cherished.
Your sister.....now that's what I consider a rarity in this day and age.
You can repay her;in droves.
Get clean and sober for you;that's all she wants.Her brother back.The one she grew up around through the good and the bad.
Keep up the good work.
When in doubt, post it out.
Last edited by Administrator; 06-01-2012 at 07:01 PM.
Hey, glad your sticking with it, keep on fighting...you can do this.
the writing is great, keep it up. Some of the things your writing, just a suggestion here, maybe put in a letter to the people your writing too...you may think they don't care and don't want to hear it, but they do.
You can beat this, it's probably the hardest thing you'll ever do, but you can do it.
We'll be here to stand by you, listen to you , help when we can, I know it's not much but we'll do what we can.
Coffee is fine, if you can do decaf, so your not to jazzed all the time, you'll probably have enough sleep trouble just from the detoxing. Remember the basic detox rules, stay hydrated, that's a biggy. Try to keep some bland food in your stomach throughout the day to ward off nausea. Try to get out in the fresh air and sunshine a couple times throughout the day and get your body moving, it will help to just get out of the house and not feel so confined all day. I know it's hard to do this stuff when you feel like crap, but make yourself, it does help.
Thought I was doing good. But it hit like a truck earlier today. Cravings just insane cravings. I gave my debit card, phone, keys, and all cash to my sister to keep with her just so I couldn't do anything stupid. But I have still been digging through the house hoping to find a bottle or old pipe to get some resin from. Just some kind of relief. Even though I know I shouldn't even be trying and that there is absolutely nothing at all in the house to get drunk/high from. But I'm still doing it. Like I can't control myself. In the back of my mind the reasonable voice is saying "stop it's no use" but the over powering mindset is thinking "one hit of resin won't hurt anything".
It'll last for between five minutes to an hour. Then I'm fine for a while. Then it comes back. Just tired, wore out and very sore. Had to write something down.
They said a home detox (after two days in the center) would be fine for me. Because the only thing physically addictive was the alcohol. The pot,shrooms, and few others were mainly mental addictions. The alcohol in me won't hurt my health from a home detox. That was sure after the days at the center. And they told me the feelings i'm having now would happen. but would only be bad for a short while. I'm ready for it to be over with.
It's going to be really bad for a while, but your doing really good. Giving your keys, phone and debit card to your sister was a great idea....your still thinking with the "I want to get better" brain, give yourself that credit.
Keep writing, even if it doesn't necessarily make sense to anyone else, just put those thoughts and fears down on paper or here. Whatever it takes to get the "want" out of your head.
hang in there, you are strong, and you can do this.
I gave up searching the house for drugs/alcohol. Mainly because it was tiring me out even more. Why am I so tired and sore? Like I've run a marathon. All my muscles hurt. And i'm still craving bad. But I know I'm isolated from all drugs. I'm already scared to death of relapse and I ain't even finished recovery. And I think i'm imagining hallucinating but haven't had any shrooms or anything in days. Almost like I'm wishing I'm hallucinating? Hard to explain.
The sore and tired is just your body reacting to having all the toxins from the drugs and alcohol being out of its symptoms....it's use to having those chemicals in it and working according to the way those chemicals allow it to work. It takes a while for the body to re-adjust and learn to work without all the chemicals. The desires your feeling are the psychological part of the addiction, once again your brain is used to having those chemicals in it....it doesn't think it can work normally without them, so it wants them badly. You have to give it time to realize all will be fine and you will be fine without the drugs or alcohol.
This is a battle your fighting, probably the hardest battle you will ever fight. Don't give up, just keep on fighting.
I used to balance ecstacy, yay, pot and shrooms with work. I was 18, 19...now im 25. It got hard to do but i loved the lifestyle. I was never addicted, I just was caught up in that kind of crowd. It got too much and now if i even see a thizz pill i dry heave. I havent done yay in years or shrooms. I just smoke pot on occasion and take my pain pills. I feel, if you do these drugs (poisons), long enough your body will start to hate the sh*t. Its just so negative, and you just have to rise above it. I have faith.