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Old 05-28-2012, 09:36 AM   #1
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relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Hello everyone,

Im not sure what happened to the last thread, somehow it was closed out and I didn't close it so im sorry about that.

The suboxone thus far, has really been a godsend. Last night was the first night that i've gotten any sleep since tuesday, but besides that, i can't complain. I have noticed that i've been thinking about my drug of choice today. Not because I want to use, but because I'm starting to feel all these emotions that have been numbed for so long. I've just been wondering why i can feel them on suboxone and couldn't on opiates like vicodin.

I have a pretty big problem coming up that i have to deal with and this will be the first thing that I've dealt with, without the aid of being high. I'm hoping that I am just imagining that it's going to be worse than it is. It seems like I feel a lot of fear right now. Fear and anxiety. I'm afraid that I don' t know where to start to get my life back together, or should i say I don't know where to start to do the things that I want. I don't know if it's fear of rejection or what.

I know that my life is generally pretty good. But I havent faced it clean in about 5 years. Today for some reason, my head is all jumbled up. I feel like I cant put into words what I'm feeling. confusion, fear, definitely. But I dont know about the rest.

Froglady, aka Heidi... How are you? Hope you are well.
Kat, feel fee to chime in... You always have good insight.

If anyone out there can help me to understand whats going on in my head i would be so grateful. I just feel like something is trying to come out of my mouth that has been stuck in my head. And i don't know what it is. I hope someone knows what the heck im talking about.

Thanks in advance!

 
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Old 05-28-2012, 09:59 AM   #2
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Kelly,

Happy Memorial Day, thank you so much for your years of service that helped to afford us the gift of sleeping safely in our beds each night!

At this point in your recovery being overwhelmed by thoughts of "how am I going to do this" and fear & anxiety being notched up a level is pretty normal. You've got a lot on your plate right now...and like you said, you've not had to make big decisions sober in quite a while. And let's face it when we make big decisions wasted, we really don't worry too much about the outcome.

The worrying's not always a bad thing, it shows that your taking responsibility for you and your life, your going in the right direction. Take things 1 day at a time, try not to get too far ahead of yourself.

Your a strong woman, your a mom and a darn good one, you can do this, as you start making decisions for you and your son again, the feelings of pride and accomplishment will come back, and you'll be okay.

have a great day and WooHoo on the sleep!!!

Kat

 
Old 05-28-2012, 02:45 PM   #3
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

I wanted to ask a question to anyone who has been through this. I started on suboxone on Tuesday, in full blown withdrawals. 15 minutes after i took my first dose, i had relief of almost every symptom. I had a few days of headaches and nausea from the suboxone, but they went away quickly. The past three nights, around 5:00, my whole body starts to ache really really bad. It hurts my joints in my feet to even walk. It's like my whole body is bruised. I've been taking tylenol arthritis, and 800mg motrin, and flexeril that i had left over from a back spasm. They take the edge off, but the symptoms are definitely still there. So here is my question, Am I just going through a little bit of withdrawal still? The pain I am in is not isolated to my hip or lower back otherwise i could explain it. It is my entire body. I have no other symptoms of withdrawal but that. When I went on suboxone's website, they said that 25% of all suboxone patients still feel the effects of withdrawal while taking suboxone. thats alot of people. Even my neck and arms hurt... what the he**! im going to take a hot shower before bed, that helps but only for a little while. Hopefully I will sleep well again tonight as I did last night! Any suggestions and responses are appreciated. Especially if you have experienced this yourself while taking suboxone. Have a good night all!

 
Old 05-29-2012, 04:39 AM   #4
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Hi Kelly, I know what your saying about the emotions you been feeling. I got them all flooding back now that I,ve been off the pills for a little while. I fiquire its gonna take awhile to get used to dealing with emotions, making decisions both big and small not being numbed on my d.o.c. I still think about getting high but not all the time like before and I,m not going to but lets face it, its gotta be natural considering its run my life for years and years. I,m not sure why you get the pains around 5:00. I take my sub dose once in morning around 5AM but been waking up around 4 feeling very stiff and sore in my shoulders and legs. I do have legit pain issues in these areas from past broken bones. Noticed this more since I,ve been tapering. It does go away about hour after I take sub. I would say maybe your pain and mine are the subs wearing off but it shouldn,t be because of the half life. Don,t know what to tell ya about pain but in a month or so off your d.o.c. you should start feeling a little more comfortable with dealing with feelings, emotions and decisions. At least I did and hope you do too. Your doing great!!

 
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Old 05-29-2012, 06:38 AM   #5
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

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I take my sub dose once in morning around 5AM but been waking up around 4 feeling very stiff and sore in my shoulders and legs. I do have legit pain issues in these areas from past broken bones. Noticed this more since I,ve been tapering. It does go away about hour after I take sub. I would say maybe your pain and mine are the subs wearing off but it shouldn,t be because of the half life.
YES!!!!!! Thats exactly what I'm going through!!! It has to be related. My doc told me this morning to take the dose twice a day instead of once a day. Not to double the dose, just take half of it in the morning and half of it in the evening. I agree completely with what you are saying about the half life. I thought it's supposed to build up in your system...

Anyway, you sound like you are doing great! I'm so glad. I don't know about you but for me, I feel like I can finally start to tackle the underlying issues of my addiction. After all, using is just a symptom of our addictions. I credit the suboxone for giving me that ability. I am actually excited about the appointments for therapy. I'm ready to dig in and get this taken care of.

About the emotions. I really hope its true what you said about a month or so, being ready to deal with the emotions. I guess everything takes time. I, like you, have been so used to numbing everything. I don't want to do that anymore. I had such a great day yesterday with my dad, brother, and my son. I really felt present. Rather than like I was in a fog. I don't know what I was thinking by doing this to myself all these years. What a waste. No sense dwelling on it now! On to the healing!!!!

Thank you Bolter, and everyone else, Katlin09, froglady, edsgirl, and whoever I'm missing, you know who you are. I couldn't do this without the support of everyone on these boards!

Have a good day all!

 
Old 05-31-2012, 04:58 AM   #6
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Hi everyone! Today makes 10 days that I am on suboxone. It really has made a difference. When I go back and read my old posts in this thread and the other thread, it's reassuring to see that I've made progress. Al of the siden effects that I had, are gone. No headaches, nausea, or aching bones at 5:00. Now I can really put this to work and start addressing all the things that need to be addressed in order to have a drug free life. My first appontment with a therapist (addictions specialist) is on June 4th.

Bolter, how are you making it with the suboxone? Still plugging away? Any side effects?

Have a great day everyone!

 
Old 05-31-2012, 08:40 PM   #7
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Hi Kelly, I'm soo glad to hear you're doing much better! Especially with being done with most of the physical effects! Lord knows I know those are thee worst. I will keep you in my prayers for strength, comfort and peace from the Lord!

Cheers!

 
Old 06-01-2012, 03:21 AM   #8
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Hi Kelly, Glad to read your doing so well. Not doing too bad myself. I tapered to 1mg. yesterday and will be on that dose for 5 more days then I,m off the subs. Havn,t noticed much difference bettween all these tapers until yesterday and today, Been a little agitated, runny nose, that sort of thing but so far nothing bad at all. Nothing even close to an oxy wd. I hope it goes easy when I jump off completely. I got sub dr. appointment next wed. same day as I take my last dose. I,m thinking of canceling it, hate to pay him 150.00 when I,m not going to be seeing him anymore. On the other hand just in case I need some sort of meds. for bowels or whatever the first week or so it might be a good idea to keep him in my corner. Gotta go feed cat and let her out. Took in stray about a year ago and now she thinks she runs the place. Talk to you later.

 
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Old 06-01-2012, 08:45 AM   #9
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

LOL!!! They say that cats pick their owners we dont pick them. I guess that's very true in your situation bolter! Glad to hear you aren't doing too bad.

I didn't realize you were doing such a fast taper. Do me favor and let me know how it goes and how you're feeling when you do finally make that jump. That s the only thng that I'm concerned about, coming off of this suboxone. So I'd love to know what side effects you have and if you recommend me doing it slower than you did. Thanks man!

I think I agree with you in keeping that last dr appt. you may in fact need him for the stomach issues, or scripts to help with some mild or even severe withdrawal symptoms you may have. Keep me posted! Good luck with your final jump!!!

 
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Old 06-01-2012, 10:26 PM   #10
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Not really many RX meds they can give you for the WD symptoms when you stop the Subs....it'll be just like the end of any narcotic taper. Immodium for diarrhea, benadryl/melatonin/valerian root for sleep, advil/tylenol/alieve for body aches.....typical OTC stuff.

About the only thing a Dr. might give you is phenergran if you had really severe nausea, but at your taper you most likely won't, or Clonodine to calm the WD symptoms...

Kat

 
Old 06-02-2012, 02:43 AM   #11
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

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Not really many RX meds they can give you for the WD symptoms when you stop the Subs....it'll be just like the end of any narcotic taper. Immodium for diarrhea, benadryl/melatonin/valerian root for sleep, advil/tylenol/alieve for body aches.....typical OTC stuff.

About the only thing a Dr. might give you is phenergran if you had really severe nausea, but at your taper you most likely won't, or Clonodine to calm the WD symptoms...

Kat
That's true and if I taper extremely slow and at extremely slow increments, it should just bwe a very mild case. I'm not too worried about that. When it comes time to taper, I will start addressing that then. I've asked other sub patients at the VA about my doctor and they all said he takes as long as you need to, to taper. That was music to my ears. They all said it wasn't even as bad as a mild case of the flu. so that's encoutaging. He has me on 8mg twice a day. When i see him the 22nd, I'll see if i can go to 4mg twice a day. i want to be on the lowest dose possible to manage my symptoms!

 
Old 06-02-2012, 03:50 AM   #12
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Hi kat, You mentioned Clonodine, isn,t that a bp med? i,ve been on Accupril 40 mg once a day for blood pressure for quite awhile so I should be all set. Nausea has never been big issue in past opiote wds the other end is and I,ve got immodium. Sleeps allways been the biggest issue for me, you know, gotta go to work. I,ll try the otc stuff that you mentioned. I,m just expecting mild to medium discomfort for awhile when the time comes. Kelly, I,ll definatly keep you informed when I jump. I,ll give ya a day to day feelings report, ha ha, Thanks again for all the support.

 
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Old 06-02-2012, 12:31 PM   #13
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

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That's true and if I taper extremely slow and at extremely slow increments, it should just bwe a very mild case. I'm not too worried about that. When it comes time to taper, I will start addressing that then. I've asked other sub patients at the VA about my doctor and they all said he takes as long as you need to, to taper. That was music to my ears. They all said it wasn't even as bad as a mild case of the flu. so that's encoutaging. He has me on 8mg twice a day. When i see him the 22nd, I'll see if i can go to 4mg twice a day. i want to be on the lowest dose possible to manage my symptoms!
That's good, he's got you on a pretty low dose and if you just keep working your way down slowly, you shouldn't have many WD symptoms at all.

I am so glad this is working for you, so very glad!

Kat

 
Old 06-02-2012, 12:38 PM   #14
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Hey Bolter,

Yep Clonodine is a BP med, but it does help with WD's. It makes you sleepy, calms the anxiety and helps with the sweats. Detox Dr.'s have used it for years to deal with withdrawals.

Probably would not be an option for you since you're already on a BP med....I'm not sure if your current BP med will help or not. Even though they're both BP meds, they're different drugs.

Keep up the great/hard work...you're almost there!!!

Kat

 
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Old 06-04-2012, 09:03 AM   #15
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Re: relapsed and thinking suboxone is my only hope...

Miss Kelly,

You're very quiet....how are you doing?????

Kat

 
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