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Old 06-03-2012, 01:35 AM   #1
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My very first confession.

I never poured my heart out to anyone before so this is a bit difficult for me but I'm in a desperate need of help and I didn't know where else to turn to so here I am.

I'm 24 years old and I've been doing Ketamine since I was 15. I stopped doing it for about 3 years, not by choice, because I was in a country where they didn't have access on K. During the times I didn't do K, I found myself thinking about it constantly and even haunted me in dreams. When I moved back home, I started doing K again. At first, I didn't do it as much as I used to since I haven't done it for few years but now I'm doing more than ever. I don't even feel like going anywhere but to just stay home and get high. K has ruined my health and social life. I'm having bladder problem and liver pain. I can't even walk properly because the pain is so bad. Even though I know that I need to stop to get better, I just can't stop. All I ever think about is "I need K." I realized even though K is not addictive physically, it's definitely addictive psychologically.

I can't really talk to my family about this problem because they don't really understand. All they're telling me is "stop before we give up on you." I can't talk to my friends either because they are also hooked on K. I really need someone to talk to. Someone who can guide me to the right way and to give me advices. A mentor. This is my first time ever admitting that I have a problem.. and I hope and pray that I can change..

 
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Old 06-03-2012, 04:41 AM   #2
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Re: My very first confession.

Quote:
Originally Posted by breatheagain88 View Post
I never poured my heart out to anyone before so this is a bit difficult for me but I'm in a desperate need of help and I didn't know where else to turn to so here I am.

I really need someone to talk to. Someone who can guide me to the right way and to give me advices. This is my first time ever admitting that I have a problem.. and I hope and pray that I can change..
Hello breatheagain88,

Welcome to the boards.

You've already identified that there is a problem,which is the first step towards recovery.
Avoiding people,places and things that you've associated with while using is of paramount importance.

Have you considered attending meetings(online or in-person),seeing a therapist or both?

You've got to want this for yourself and your actions will be a testament to your commitment.

Life will seem a bit surreal at times but if you stay the course,you will reap the many benefits that recovery has to offer.

Please also consider having a complete physical.
-------------------------------------
You may feel that you can't quit,as the psyche will try to conjure up as many reasons why you should continue down this path of self-destruction.

This is a normal reaction to change,as it can be both rewarding and yet challenging at times.

You can do this.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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When in doubt, post it out.

Last edited by Phoenix; 06-18-2012 at 04:08 PM. Reason: clarification

 
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:42 AM   #3
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Re: My very first confession.

Hi and welcome to the Boards,

Well you took the very, very hard first step and now you need to keep stepping. There are many ways to get help and support for this addiction of yours. You will need support, in whatever way you can get it. Fighting and kicking an addiction is rarely a solitary action. Seeing a therapist would be a good option, he/she could guide you, help you understand what got you started on this journey, help you deal with those feelings, give you tools to cope with life and all it's scare realities in a healthy way. There are also groups like NA, they usually have meetings in most cities, and also online for those who want to remain anonymous, and of course there are those of us here on this Board, we may not have been on the same drug, but we've been down the same road and we're more than willing to help you fight this battle.

You do have to really want to do this, more than you've wanted anything in your entire life...because it is a battle, the hardest one you've ever fought most likely. The addiction demons can be strong and hard to keep at bay, but it can be done, and people succeed over them everyday.

It does sound like you need to see a Dr. and get yourself checked out. You need to find out what damage the K has done and get that taken care of.

Your young, you've got your whole life ahead of you and it's never too late to turn things around. Your family is not trying to be mean or un-supportive, but it is very hard for non-addict to understand what an addicted person is going through, it's very hard to understand the pull and control that the drug has over you.

So, you've taken the first step, now it's time to start the fight....

Take care,

Kat

 
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Old 06-18-2012, 01:55 PM   #4
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Re: My very first confession.

can you tell me whee I can find the online meetings?

 
Old 06-18-2012, 02:50 PM   #5
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Re: My very first confession.

Try AA meetings, they are free and just about everywhere. AA is not just for alcohol abuse. Please consider going, you do not have to particapate in the meeting if you do not wish to and please try a few meetings some are better that others, just sit and listen. I found that for myself it was better to see a doctor and surrender myself to proper care, AA was a great part of the detox program. Good Luck.

 
Old 06-18-2012, 03:57 PM   #6
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Re: My very first confession.

Hi there and welcome to the boards. Just google it. We aren't allowed to post other websites, it's in the rules.

My name is Kelly and while my drug of choice is not Ketamine, I unfortunately have too much experience with someone I loved very much and their use of it...

She, like you, used to use on the weekends, here and there. Mostly when she went to clubs, raves or was partying at the college that was closed to where we lived. It eventually got to the point that she was using it on a daily basis. She used to tell me that it felt like her head wasn't attatched to her body??? Weird... Anyway, apparently there is a certain level that the user is trying to achieve. A K-hole. This is when the mind has separated from the body and the user experiences this high that is very seductive, and from what I gather, very hard to achieve. Well, one night my phone rang at 3:00am, and normally my phone isn't ringing at those hours so I immediately knew something was wrong. It was her mother and she told me that "A" had been using K. She apparently achieved that K-hole effect that all users of ketamine are chasing. Only problem was, it had been a week since she used last. This was 8 years ago. She is now and has been for 8 years, permanently insane. I miss her. When I see her, she has no idea who I am. None. It tears my heart out because she was there when my first child was born. There for my divorce, There for everything. And now she's gone. I can't talk to her because she doesn't even know who I am!

I completely and whole heartedly understand the grip of a drug. It is so powerful that if you haven't experienced it, you will never get it. I don't care how much you read about it, or how much you've paid to be educated about it. You won't understand the feeling. I support you 100% in getting the help you need. I don't know what else to tell you that phoenix and kat haven't already said, but I know that if you are truly ready to get help, it's out there. You don't have to go to any real live meetings if you aren't ready, and don't let anyone push you into it. I think they are very helpful, but not enough for me. The 12 steps are really great for anyone to work in their life though. I hope you find what you are looking for in terms of help and recovery. Any questions you have, and any subject you need to talk about related to this can always be posted here. This is a great community with wonderful supportive members.

Best of luck to you!

On line support forums are great in the beginning. You will eventually need human support for the times of weakness, but you need to go at a pace that is comfortable for you in your recovery, while pushing yourself a little more each time.

Last edited by Tysmom1; 06-18-2012 at 04:01 PM.

 
Old 06-18-2012, 04:26 PM   #7
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Re: My very first confession.

Wow, I truly hope that you can find help.

AA is a great place to start, but you may want to get professional help. Besides being a dissociative anesthetic, Ketalar is also a very strong stimulant. You should consider getting yourself (espec heart and lungs) checked out.

You should be proud of yourself for making the 1st steps - they are the hardest. Congrats to you!

 
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