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Old 06-24-2012, 01:19 PM   #1
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Hello

I just have a really quick question for you all.

About 5 years ago I found out I had 6 torn discs in my mid back with arthritis setting in. My Dr. prescribed me Lortab 7.5 for the pain, only 2 a day after a few years he bumped me up to 10's. I would usually only take one in the morning to help me get out of bed and split up one throughout the course of the day if I needed it. I never really let it get out of control because I have seen first hand what can happen.

A couple months ago I was getting closer to my insurance kicking in which put me closer to the procedure that was going to cure my back pain so he put me on Percocet 10's. I went into straight psychosis, or at least I thought that is what it was.

After an appointment with a pain psychologist and 2 regular Dr. visits with blood work done I found out I was pretty anemic. I was feeling funny enough on my own so my pain Dr. took me off the Percs and put me back on the Lortab. By then I had pretty much had enough, I felt like I had taken 5 pain pills when I hadn't taken anything so I decided to quit.

I did this cold turkey. It's been a month in a half give or take a few days and I'm just wondering, is it still possible to be experiencing withdrawals? I have been feeling really funky from the anemia so I'm having a really hard time figuring out what symptom is from what but these random bouts of dizziness are driving me crazy. I was not having these till I quit the Lortab.

My anxiety and stress level are through the roof. I am just about to the point I'm gonna start taking the meds again just to see if some of this goes away, but I really don't want to get back in that habit. After my procedure I will be tapering off anyways so I just want to stay quit!

I just wanted to add I know I take no where near what some do but addiction is addiction and if you would have asked me 2 months ago I would have told you I can't live without them and didn't want to imagine my life without them. I still have 2 full prescriptions (filled) sitting in my purse because I just feel better knowing they are there.....I don't even know what that is all about.

Last edited by Heatherx5; 06-24-2012 at 01:32 PM.

 
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Old 06-25-2012, 12:26 PM   #2
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by Heatherx5 View Post
My anxiety and stress level are through the roof. I am just about to the point I'm gonna start taking the meds again just to see if some of this goes away, but I really don't want to get back in that habit. After my procedure I will be tapering off anyways so I just want to stay quit!

I just wanted to add I know I take no where near what some do but addiction is addiction and if you would have asked me 2 months ago I would have told you I can't live without them and didn't want to imagine my life without them. I still have 2 full prescriptions (filled) sitting in my purse because I just feel better knowing they are there.....I don't even know what that is all about.
The first thing I wanted to say was that in my experience, anxiety and stress were the first things to return when i ran out of pills. And they were "through the roof" also. Even if I didn't have many or any stressors going on at the time. So, depending on your situation, this could very well be from the lack of lortabs in your system or percocet. I know that my anxiety would go away within 20 minutes of taking a painkiller. So, yes, it could be just that.

Second, you are absolutely right in saying that addiction is addiction. You are very wise to cut it off at the knees if you know that this could potentially be a problem for you later on down the road. I think you are being very responsible about this, and for that I applaud you. I could never do it. If I had 2 bottles of ANY pain killer sitting anywhere, they would be gone in a heartbeat. The fact that you feel better knowing that they are "just there" does suggest somewhat of a psychological dependance in my opinion. But that doesn't mean I'm right. I would address your concerns with your doctor and see what they say. A lot of this weighs heavily on your personality and history. If you don't mind me asking, do you have an addictive personality? And do you have any history of substance abuse or alcohol abuse? I believe the answer to these two questions makes a difference in whether you need to be worried about this.

And Kudos to you for wanting to find out!!!!!!

 
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Old 06-25-2012, 01:24 PM   #3
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by Tysmom1 View Post
The first thing I wanted to say was that in my experience, anxiety and stress were the first things to return when i ran out of pills. And they were "through the roof" also. Even if I didn't have many or any stressors going on at the time. So, depending on your situation, this could very well be from the lack of lortabs in your system or percocet. I know that my anxiety would go away within 20 minutes of taking a painkiller. So, yes, it could be just that.

Second, you are absolutely right in saying that addiction is addiction. You are very wise to cut it off at the knees if you know that this could potentially be a problem for you later on down the road. I think you are being very responsible about this, and for that I applaud you. I could never do it. If I had 2 bottles of ANY pain killer sitting anywhere, they would be gone in a heartbeat. The fact that you feel better knowing that they are "just there" does suggest somewhat of a psychological dependance in my opinion. But that doesn't mean I'm right. I would address your concerns with your doctor and see what they say. A lot of this weighs heavily on your personality and history. If you don't mind me asking, do you have an addictive personality? And do you have any history of substance abuse or alcohol abuse? I believe the answer to these two questions makes a difference in whether you need to be worried about this.

And Kudos to you for wanting to find out!!!!!!
Oh Kelly thanks so much for responding. I have been going out of my mind refreshing this page waiting to hear back from someone!
Addiction runs in my family.
When I first found out about the anemia I had a moment where I thought I was done with all the toxins I was putting in my body. I quit the lortab and caffeine and still have the nicotine to go. I would say yes I do have an addictive personality, hard to admit. Deep down inside I think I knew that I could very easily become addicted that is why I kept it in check, that and my fear of overdosing. Seeing people around me die from pills was enough for me.

No alcohol nor drug abuse. Looking back now though I did take the pain pills when I didn't absolutely have to it just became more of something that I felt I needed. Then came the point when the high didn't feel good like it was before and I wasn't this happy go lucky bubbly high person. Then the anemia and like I said I was feeling so crappy I was actually afraid that taking a Lortab would send me into panic because I would be "feeling weird" and not be able to handle it. Does that even make sense? Now that I'm off them and still feeling funny, stressed, and like I'm pretty much losing my mind I am just so close to taking them again just to make it go away or have a reason to feel funny.

On top of that I'm dealing with this back pain on my own now. Not taking anything for it including OTC meds just because I'm so sick of the damn pills.

It very well could be a psychological thing, would make sense. My mind and my body are not working well together at all lately.

Last edited by Heatherx5; 06-25-2012 at 01:27 PM.

 
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Old 06-26-2012, 04:17 AM   #4
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Re: Hello

Hi heather! Sorry it takes so long fo rme to get back to you. I have a 16 month old son and its just me and him so he takes up most my time. When I first got clean and started posting here, I used to do the exact same thing as you!!! Refreshed the page over and over just WAITING for someone to help me!! LOL you'll be just fine sweetie. You are dong the right thing.

The fact that you can acknowledge you have an addictive personality, is great. You also said it runs in your family. And that you have seen people die from pain pill addiction. So, in all reality, you already know where this can lead. And I can promise you, it is not a fun ride. My addiction was horrible 4 years ago. That was when it was the worst. I was going to multiple doctors just to keep stocked on my pills. I went from 150 lbs to 109 lbs and I'm 5'9". When I finally got clean the first time, my family doctor told me that I was VERY close to death. My body had actually started consuming itself to survive. It was attacking its own muscle mass for food. I could not eat or keep anything down. I literally lived on pills and cofee. It was terrifying looking back. And at that time I was so naieve about addiction. It didn't run in the family and I didn't know anything at all about it. I honest to god, didn't even know I was an addict. Thank god my best friend stepped in and called my parents who were a 2 hour flight away. They came to georgia and brought me home to pennsylvania. That was when I got two years clean. I relapsed off and on, but never got as bad as I was in Georgia. It was always me taking them for a day or two and then flushing them because i got scared. I did this every month for 2 more years. A month and a half ago, I took the last pills I will ever take. I got on suboxone a month ago, and I have been actively participating in my recovery. Therapy, addiction counselors, meetings, and all that goes with it.

I think that you have an incredible opportunity to walk away from this and never look back. You sound like a very smart woman. You know what it can do, and you know that you have an addictive personality. That is enough evidence that you should just throw them out. Flush them so you can't pick them out of the trash. You won't have physical sumptoms, just psychological, and those are manageable. Get on here and post it out if you have to. Just vent. That's why we are here.

You also said you are close to taking one just to make the feeling go away, and to feel funny. That is such adictive thinking its unreal. Please do yourself the favor of getting rid of them. You haven't really focused on pain as a motivating factor so i suspect you could manage it with over the conter meds until your procedure. Get a minimal number of pain meds to take after the surgery, and no refills. YOU can do this. I wish I knew you personally so I could talk to you face to face and help you stop this. Are any of the addicts in your family clean? If so, maybe you can talk to them about it.

I wish you luck with this. Let me know what you decide to do and what your thoughts are. I'll stay logged on here all day and I"ll keep checking for a response from you so you don't have to wait too long...LOL

Have a god one.

Last edited by Tysmom1; 06-26-2012 at 04:24 AM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 06-26-2012, 11:44 AM   #5
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Re: Hello

It's fine I just appreciate you responding! Kids come first always .

Thanks so much for sharing your story, wow you have been through a lot. I am really happy for you that you have so many people around you that saw what was going on and intervened!

What I'm gonna do is dump these pills down the toilet. My next pain appointment I'm going to tell my Dr. what is going on, he will probably want to prescribe me something else to help me out but I'm so far into this already that it will be pointless and I feel I will just be trading off one habit for another. We have a really super pain psychologist that I will probably be seeing now, he is really helpful.

I am sure I will make a few trips to the toilet I don't see myself just dumping them....that must be the psychological thing. Just thinking about it is already making me anxious! I in fact do have a little brother that is in treatment right now for his addiction, drug of choice was meth and I watched it destroy his life. My mom who I love dearly and worry about daily will take any and everything she can get her hands on to make it through the day and drinks, I often wonder how she still wakes up. My sister like me took pain meds for a back problem and like me "cut it off at the knees" a few years ago. We are very strong women, I know I can do this!

I can't thank you enough for the support. I really don't know if I'm craving it or if I feel I need it or both. I just want to feel normal again, without drugs! I have before I know I can again!

 
Old 06-26-2012, 12:37 PM   #6
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Re: Hello

Hi again! Just do it! I know you said it'll probably take you a few trips to the toilet, but the quicker you do it, the better. The longer you wait, the more time you have to just sit around and make up excuses not to do it!! I've actually been right where you are. Bottle in hand, porcelain god in front of me! I can remember when my addiction was crazy, that I would drive down the road, throw them out the window, and an hour later I was in my car driving back to the spot I pitched them, looking for them! LOL! I actually got out of the car and picked some up before too!!!! What a mess I was! I am sooo glad those days are behind me. You said it yourself, that you and your sister are strong women. Take advantage of that and flush em'! I have faith in you!

Real quick....You said that you don't know if you're craving it, need it or both. I can guarantee you (almost) that you are craving. Just from rereading your posts. Go back and read them again. You might see it too!! I've gone back to old journals and was suprised by some of the things in my life that were still present today. Knowing that, I can change what's necessary.

Let me know when they're flushed! Let me know, too, if you just can't do it, I'll help you do it all I can from this end.

Last edited by Tysmom1; 06-26-2012 at 12:39 PM.

 
Old 06-26-2012, 01:22 PM   #7
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by Tysmom1 View Post
Hi again! Just do it! I know you said it'll probably take you a few trips to the toilet, but the quicker you do it, the better. The longer you wait, the more time you have to just sit around and make up excuses not to do it!! I've actually been right where you are. Bottle in hand, porcelain god in front of me! I can remember when my addiction was crazy, that I would drive down the road, throw them out the window, and an hour later I was in my car driving back to the spot I pitched them, looking for them! LOL! I actually got out of the car and picked some up before too!!!! What a mess I was! I am sooo glad those days are behind me. You said it yourself, that you and your sister are strong women. Take advantage of that and flush em'! I have faith in you!

Real quick....You said that you don't know if you're craving it, need it or both. I can guarantee you (almost) that you are craving. Just from rereading your posts. Go back and read them again. You might see it too!! I've gone back to old journals and was suprised by some of the things in my life that were still present today. Knowing that, I can change what's necessary.

Let me know when they're flushed! Let me know, too, if you just can't do it, I'll help you do it all I can from this end.

Kelly I just have to say you enthusiasm and rooting for people on this forum is totally infectious. Thanks for having faith in me, sometimes that is all it takes one person having faith in someone else.

I will let you know when they are flushed, I am a pretty honest person and if I can't find the strength I will be back here either crying cause I can't or crying cause I did. Ugggg. You made me lol, I'm sure it wasn't funny then but just the thought of throwing them out the window and driving back for them is funny, I could so see myself doing that which is why the toilet is the best option. I am going to go back and read my posts.

Thanks for your support and kind words, you just don't know how much they mean!

 
Old 06-26-2012, 02:02 PM   #8
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Re: Hello

Howdy, thank you so much for the compliment. I really do try to be supportive, and I'm not always sure if it comes accross that way. So, to hear that it does, makes me feel a lot better. I know that the number one thing that I needed when I first started this journey 4 years ago, was support. It is so important to have someone to believe in me. Mostly because after all that time abusing my body, and medication, I had very little if none, faith in myself. Sometimes I need encouraging words, and sometimes I just need someone to listen. So, if you are the only person that I can help, that's ok. I"ll keep trying to help other in the best way that I know how.

Sooooo, yes, it is VERY funny, the mental picture of me crawling around on the side of the road looking for freaken pills... what a freak! People were probably like "what the ..." At least all that is behind me. These things were definitely not funny or fun at the time. It's how bad my addiction was. And a good example of the tug-of-war that goes on inside of me in active addiction. Everything in me wanted to be able to throw them away and never look back. But then I had this need for them, just to feel normal. I no longer got that "funny feeling" you referrd to. I actually needed them to go to work and appear normal. There was no more high. No more fun. It was a pitiful and painful existence. Very sad, very lonely, and it almost killed me.

On to the next! It sounds to me like either way, you are going to be back here crying. Either because you flushed them or because you didn't. I'm hoping they are happy tears.....we shall see..............

 
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