Originally Posted by smokeandmirrors
I have tried to stop half heartedly a few times but go right back to it. I need support from people who understand. I have already told a close friend what I have been doing and told her to keep me accountable and tomorrow I am throwing out my alcohol. Have I caught this early enough to kick it on my own? Do you think I already destroyed my liver/kidneys etc? I am so terrified of living tomorrow without the high from the soma and alcohol.
Hello smokeandmirrors and welcome
When you want to recover with an actual desire to do so,it has to be with both feet in.
You did state that you half-heartedly tried but more often than not,the end result is relapse.
The best way to attain this is to stay distant from the people,places and things that you associate your using with.
It is admirable that your friend would want to be held accountable but this makes for a quite undesirable recipe.The truth of the matter is that she can't be around you 24/7 and you may even end up resenting her.You're putting a lot of weight on her;especially when you are unsure of your next move.
True friends are hard to find;let her be that shoulder for you to cry on,a supportive individual to your cause and even an ear for those moments of wanting to vent(and there will be those moments).
Throwing out the alcohol is fine but if you're not ready to face what you are trying to escape from,the bottle can easily be replaced.
If you have liver or kidney concerns,please setup an appointment to see you primary care physician,so that a series of tests can be run.
It seems that you're going to have to face those demons from within.
This may mean more than just anonymous groups.
Have you ever thought of the possibility of therapy?
If you don't address what ails you,chances are that you'll repeat a circular cycle that will continue for eons.
Are you saying that you are afraid of not being high?
You've got to work on that,until you are no longer afraid to live life on life's terms.
It's real out there but know that the possibility of you breaking the cycle which is addiction begins with your desire.
You've got to be prepared to put in the work and realize what is required for you to do so.
I,for one,am hoping that you are ready to make the change that is needed in your life and I know that i'm not alone in saying so.
You've got your friend,us,the rooms of NA,CA and AA and i'm sure some loved ones that would like to see you proceed and achieve.
We can walk with you but you must take the steps;we'll be there for the support and advice.
Stated with Resect and Reverence