NO ONE knows my secret, so I will try to control the damn that is about to rupture and not make this pages long. Condensed version of my story goes like this.......
I started taking Lortab 7.5/500 in May 2006. I asked for them from my doctor for period cramps. I told her someone had given them to me and they worked really well, but that was not true. I asked for them just because. I have no idea why because I have a brother and sister that have long term pain pill and alcohol addiction problems and I have always been afraid of everything. I was shocked when I picked up my prescription and she had written it for 1 every 6 hours, there were 120 pills in there for 30 days!!! It wasn't long before I "developed" fibromyalgia and she increased it to 1 every 4 hours to 180 pills/month. The real trouble started when my husband's company switched insurance companys and we had to do 90 day mail order prescriptions. Now I got 540 pills at a time!!! Anyway, the first time I took them you already know what happened. I was a happy, happy girl!! Everything was in technicolor!! Everything was wonderful, and thus an addiction was born. I never took them like I was supposed to, I always took 6 - 10 a day, but now I'm up to 14 daily. I'm going to run out soon and I'm going to try my very best to stop. I'm very scared because when I have run low before and taken less than my 10/day, I get jittery and weepy. I watch my two grandsons while my daughter works and I don't want to feel like that around them. I've thought about stopping now while I have around 30 to fall back on for the super bad withdrawal, but I know me, and I won't be able to let them sit there. Any words of wisdom from any of you seasoned cold turkeryers? Remember at the beginning I told you no one knows. I don't see how I can go through this in secret. Will you guys help me?
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: started2006 bolter (07-21-2012), Whynowthis (08-01-2012)
I can honestly tell you SWIM(someone who isn't me) has the same problem. Before I go into it, I assume you are a chronic pain patient and that you get meds every month or every few. If that is the case, try to get on something long acting as well as for breakthrough, like your tabs. The reason a say this is you are going to do what you do with the tabs, and SWIM is the same way. He takes his long acting med which he is supposed to take twice a day and follows those orders to a t. He takes 2 a day, not to feel euphoria but to keep a constant level of pain medication. And when the tabs run out, he continues to take the LA med as directed. So that way he doesn't ever go through WD. Sure the fun dies when the tabs run out, but the fear of going through withdrawal is gone. And SWIM doesnt have to worry about abusing the LA med because like I said, it doesn't give him euphoria or that good feeling, it jut keeps the levels up so your body doesnt go crazy. Sorry I can't help with the current situation, maybe it will help for your future though.
Hi started2006, Welcome to board, Having tried unsuccefully to wd off tabs in the past and oxy also I know what your going thru and feel for you. Your in for a rough ride. You feel embarrased telling people you know about your problem and I understand that too. Your not gonna like this but you have to tell someone aand I,d start with your Dr. Just say something like you,ve noticed thru the years that your taking more and more just to get where you want to be pain wise and when your running low and have to start stretching them out you feel like ******. Admitting you have a problem is first step towards recovery for people like you and me. I went the suboxone route and thats another story. I,d like to hear how your doing with this so please keep in touch. It helps to vent anyways. Gotta run into work. Hang in there.
The Following User Says Thank You to bolter For This Useful Post: started2006 (07-21-2012)
Hang in there! I know exactly how you feel. It took me over two years to admit to my family about my addiction and even when I initially told them, I lied about the extent of my abuse. I was afraid about what they would say, about how they would view me and I was afraid they would disown me. What happened was the opposite. All they wanted to do was help, realizing I was in great pain and that I couldn't get through my recovery alone. The pain of admitting addiction is almost as bad as the withdrawals, but if I hadn't said anything to my family, I doubt I would be sober today.
I think it is amazing, that you have taken the first step and written about your experience and story on this forum. Although we don't know each other, the fact is this forum provided you with a chance to shatter the secret you have been holding.
However, as bolter noted, you are in for a "rough ride." The withdrawals are not going to be easy and the first few months of sobriety will be a pain. A few suggestions: don't go cold turkey, try to taper as it will decrease the pain of withdrawals. Further, come up with a plan of action- are you working, if so can you take time off? Do you have a comfortable place you can rest and do you have anyone that can be with you during this?
Another option, as bolter noted is suboxone/subutex. I have been on subutex for over a year and it has greatly helped me-it got me through the withdrawals and eliminated all of my cravings. But as he noted there are problems (if you are interested there is a tremendous wealth of information on the internet).
Lastly, just remember you are not alone. This might sound silly, but knowing that I wasn't the only one suffering gave me strength to continue fighting.
Hang in there and stay strong!
Ps. You also might be interested in joining a sobriety group, I've been attending a group for the last six months and it has helped me not only over come my addiction, but also my fears and anxiety. It is a safe place for addicts to come together and help each other out.
The Following User Says Thank You to Warlocklord For This Useful Post: started2006 (07-21-2012)
I am in the same boat as far as the fear of telling my pain management doctor that I want to taper off the meds....I am afraid they will drop me immediately as their patient -and I want to start a slow taper...
If I were you I would call everyone you can find to learn what your options are as far as going off the narcotics - call all the narcotic anonymous groups (NA) and see if you can talk to a NA person to get info on what doctors they would recommend and what detox/taper programs etc...
It will help a lot to know what others in your area have experienced in terms of - who is the best doctor/nurse/PA to see, where would you have to go, how long would the detox take etc....can you do it outpatient...etc etc.
My plan is to find either a narcotic anonymous (NA) group or talk to a NA person and see what they recommend as far as doctors or clinics to go to - find out what would be the best way to get off these meds for me - because I know everyone reacts differently and there are many routes to take in this situation.
I am not addicted to pain meds and I do not have addictive tendencies with pain meds, however I can no longer afford these meds and I have bad allergic reactions to all pain meds so it is time for me to get off them and figure out how to manage pain without them or with only a few meds as needed rather than everyday....
Please let me know what you find out and what you decide to do - I am going to start making calls today regarding my detox situation. I will post more when I get more info.
We will all be here for you! You are not alone in this.
Hi Started2006, If your dr. is your regular pcp dr. I,d tell him your having a problem with the meds. I don,t know about pain clinic policies. You might want to consider Suboxone which works and if you don,t stay on for long time and taper properly it can be a life saver at least it was for me. I was taking 10-15 tabs a day for around 7years the oxy 30mg. around 10-12 a day for 2 yrs. or so and about gave up hope. When I decided to try suboxone I told sub dr. I only wanted to stay on 3 months. Started at 12mg and after first month started taper. After 3 months was up I jumped at 1mg. and I swear it was just about painless. I,ve been off everything since June 6th. I never thought I,d get off the pain pills. That 3 months gave me time to get my head together and get used to not being high all the time. Sobriety felt weird at first but I,m getting used to it. Still have thoughts of getting high but after abusing for so long I fiquire thats only natural. This suboxone suggestion is just a suggestion. You would have to make sure your husband was on board because he would see insurance bills. If you havn,t told him your problem you really should. You,d be surprised how supportive some people can be and others not so much. You wrote about cold turkey. I don,t think anyone has died from opiate wd, alcohol dts can be fatal. I,m not a doctor so I,m not 100% sure. Whatever you do please tell someone or call NA. Don,t let this stuff ruin your life. You can beat this!!!
14 a day is VERY DANGEROUS because that is borderline on overdosing. The max I take a day is 4-6. Lortabs are very strong and the side affects can be heavy...IF your taking care of your grandkids...ITS A BAD idea to be on narcotic pain meds because IT DOES impair your thinking and motor skills. I took 1 lortab and tried to drive and almost got into an accident because my reaction time was to slow because of the pills. I know all about addiction to lortabs, it ismt easy to come off them cold tureky BUT you can do it, i promise. It will be hard but GET A SUPPORT SYSTEM and it will be easier to come off of. I spent 4wks at my best friends detoxing from them and yes the withdraws sucked but your risking the life of your grandkids while on those to things and IF you were to get pulled over by a cop YOU WILL go to jail for driving under the influence even though you have a rx for them. Since your taking so many a day my best advice is to seek professional help to get through the detoxing stage. If you have any questions feel free to contact me via inbox. I still take tabs but I am more carfull about them now because I dont want to WD again like last time. IT SUCKED LOL but with HELP you CAN AND WILL get through it.