My addiction to crack/cocaine is ruining my life - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

LynnFromCT · 12-09-2000, 05:21 PM

I am a user & abusing of crack-cocaine and it is ruining my life, my marriage & my relationship with my parents. I know this all to be true, I know I have a problem, I know I should and have to stop using before I die or go to prison -but still every time I have any money I use.

I have never sold my body for drugs, I used to pawn my things -but now I don't own anything anymore. I think I should quit my job - so I won;t have any more money, but I was out of work for awhile and the solitude drove me nuts.

My husband & father think that they should call the police on me - so that I will go to jail and hopefully get clean - but I don't know. I don't want to go to jail.

My husband somestimes uses, but not very often. I use whenever I can (which works about to be about twice a week)... afterwards I am so depressed - almost tothe point of suicide, but I am a coward. I believe in Jesus Christ and I had been born-again in February of 2000, but by June 2000 I usin' & abusin' & using God's name in vain all the time.

Yesterday was the first time I picked up the bible in over 6 months, I brought it to work with me yesterday & today. Friday night Dec 8, 2000 was the first friday night I stayed clean in over a year. And I am clean today, but in no way does that mean its over. Someday I hope to have power to overcome this disease, I hope.

TrickyDick · 12-09-2000, 10:17 PM

Hi Lynn..
I hope that you have taken the first step and admitted that you are addicted and are powerless. That is the most important step you can take at this time in your life.
If you will read throught the posts here you will find others that are in the same situation and private hell that you are.
The next step is for you to start going to meetings. You need to go everyday if you can or as often as you can. You need to get on the program and make your stand.
You are now in a war, wheather or not you want it..It is just as bloody and nasty as a real shooting war and you will have to win the battle each and every day if you want to live.
You say you have not sold your body yet, well
I can give you a rock solid guarantee that you will unless you win your battle each day to stay sober and not use.
You are the only one that can make this happen, they will be no reinforcements that can save the day...The meetings are the only troops you will have other than your family. They will help you fight the battles as much as they can but you are the only soldier that can win it each day.
Good luck and I hope you have the guts (or can find them) for the fight that you are in.

Christine · 12-10-2000, 09:00 PM

Hi Lynn-

I have thought about you alot since you replies to one of my post on the last message board. I was impressed with your website and told you it would be great to see hope and inspiration on there as well.. I have tried to contact you again on that site but couldn't get there - I was worried you might have fell prey to this disease. I am VERY happy to hear you are alive if not well.
Isn't that weird? You are a total stranger and yet I care and hope for you. I feel very much connected to you because I have been an addict AM an addict - jsut clean and sober for days shy of 3 short months. I was at an alltime low - my boyfriend,who adores me and has put up with 4 years of my ****, would have put me in jail to save my life, if it was necessary. He did put me in rehab - twice, and this time I am doing OK.

Please go to a meeting. Ask for help. YOU NEED SUPPORT from people who have been there and are exactly like you - we would lose it all for that high - that's not even fun anymore but you do it anyway because - well, BECAUSE. You like it - we ALL liked it!!! You know what though? Having your life back is such a high - you won't believe me if I just tell you. You have got to just try it - you will be amazed. You deserve to be a person of honor and dignity - cocaine takes that all away, and sobriety gives it ALL back.

I wish you well, with all my heart.

izzywizzy · 04-19-2004, 02:59 PM

Get help! My brother died from his crack addiction. I watched him go from a prominent law abiding citizen to a drug crazed animal crawling around on the ground searching for pieces of crack that had been dropped. The drug dealers would kick him in the *** as he crawled around on the ground. I felt so sorry for him I begged him to come home with me. He said no. Just one more crack rock and he would come home. He never came home.