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-   -   Hiiiii Phoenix!! (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/addiction-recovery/913351-hiiiii-phoenix.html)

Wendy88 08-08-2012 12:11 PM

Hiiiii Phoenix!!
 
Hi my friend! Yes, you are indeed a true friend that I accept. I've been trying to let you know that. :)
I'm just checking in on you, making sure you are doing well. :)
Things here are ok. Good days, bad days.... Trying to take care best I can. Cant believe how hard that can be some days.... And others, the day glides by peacefully.
Let me know what's shakin'!

:)
W

Phoenix 08-09-2012 01:26 AM

Re: Hiiiii Phoenix!!
 
[QUOTE=Wendy88;5036237]Hi my friend! Yes, you are indeed a true friend that I accept. I've been trying to let you know that. :)
I'm just checking in on you, making sure you are doing well. :)
Things here are ok. Good days, bad days.... Trying to take care best I can. Cant believe how hard that can be some days.... And others, the day glides by peacefully.
Let me know what's shakin'!

Wendy
:)
W[/QUOTE]

Hey there Wendy

It's ok;seriously

I won't complain(not today anyway:)).
I began blogging on healthboards as a therapeutic measure.

I've come to realize that i have way too much clutter in my brain...hopefully this will be an avenue that will
help remove some of the cobwebs.

Wendy88 08-09-2012 07:24 PM

Re: Hiiiii Phoenix!!
 
Hi!

I agree , when the mind is full of clutter, this is a good place to get it all out. I do that sometimes.
I was thinking of also going to the board that deals with anxiety and depression. I've never had a diagnosis of major depression before and it's so hard. I spent mist of today crying. I love my friends dearly but it's so hard to see them express their successes say, in Facebook, about engagements, new jobs, babies, weddings.... and I have nothing good to share. I did lose 14 pounds, which I'm proud of, but it's not the same.
I'm purposely not working cause the type of stress my work requires me to handle I just don't feel well enough to do yet. So even though logically I have reasons (it's still under a year that my 12 year relationship/ 3 year engagement ended) emotionally I can't reconcile the two.
Anyway, I know this belongs on the other board. But of course, this makes it hard for me not to self medicate. The pills make me not feel the sadness as much. But logically I know I have to feel it, and I've cut down my intake as there are days where I don't need to medicate for pain, or only need a little. So I'm trying. I don't blindly need to take pills when I don't need them.
Gosh, looks like I had a lot to get out too.
Thanks for reading my book!
:)
Wendy

Phoenix 08-09-2012 08:59 PM

Re: Hiiiii Phoenix!!
 
[QUOTE=Wendy88;5037018]I know this belongs on the other board. But of course, this makes it hard for me not to self medicate. The pills make me not feel the sadness as much. But logically I know I have to feel it, and I've cut down my intake as there are days where I don't need to medicate for pain, or only need a little. So I'm trying. I don't blindly need to take pills when I don't need them.
Gosh, looks like I had a lot to get out too.
Thanks for reading my book!
:)
Wendy[/QUOTE]

Wendy

Don't do it(self-medicate).....it's not the answer and only provides more questions than answers.

Believe you me,it's easy to do wrong but doing right;truly right....now that takes effort......

I'm putting my all out there and i'm not asking that of you.I'm just asking for you to put in the effort and resist the temptation.

You've got a legion here,who are rooting for you;including me.

Respectfully
Phoenix

Wendy88 08-09-2012 10:43 PM

Re: Hiiiii Phoenix!!
 
Yup I know. And I won't know if my antidepressant is working if I have a lot of junk in my system. Today I cried a lot, but I didn't numb myself. I just let it all out. It was hard, but I know stuffing my feelings only makes it worse.
So, I'm trying. Im trying to get a handle on my mind, so I'm trying to keep it clear best I can.
I am not a big drinker, but I decided to just cut it out entirely as on the rare times I do drink, I only feel worse. Same thing with pot. I was using it a lot as I have a medical card and a specific type helps with my headaches, but if course I was using it when I hung out with friends etc....
But now, I haven't smoked it in over a month. I havent had a headache that severe to need it, so why smoke it? I just got bored with it. If that makes any sense. So, that's gone too. I'm not addicted to pot, I just don't need to cloud my mind when I'm going through so much emotional stuff. it's only purpose was for my severe migraines, and that is where it can stay.
I realize that I'm cutting out things that are easy for me, and the pills are the real demon. But like I said, I have cut down on those too. Instead of 6 (or more) a day, I am down to 3-4. Its been several weeks, and yeah I still have some withdrawal, but in reality it helps me with day to day pain. 6 or more helps with emotional pain (or when I get extremely sick, but it's been two months since my last episode), and I don't need to do that. I'll never feel better emotionally if I keep doing that.
So that's what I'm doing. It's an uphill battle of course. Every day is hard to keep within my pill range. But it's scarier to deal with my depression and not know what is me and what is the pills. Right now, that has been enough to motivate me to keep hanging on.
Good vibes to all!
Wendy

Phoenix 08-10-2012 04:19 AM

Re: Hiiiii Phoenix!!
 
[QUOTE=Wendy88;5037116]Yup I know. And I won't know if my antidepressant is working if I have a lot of junk in my system. Today I cried a lot, but I didn't numb myself. I just let it all out. It was hard, but I know stuffing my feelings only makes it worse.
So, I'm trying. Im trying to get a handle on my mind, so I'm trying to keep it clear best I can.
I am not a big drinker, but I decided to just cut it out entirely as on the rare times I do drink, I only feel worse. Same thing with pot. [/QUOTE]

Wendy

Good for you.:)

You realize the difference between want vs. need and i'm going to chalk this up as a success story......in progress.
I word it that way because life is going to dictate things to us(at times)and present obstacles in our path that will test our resolve.
Keep your eyes on the prize;your quality of life.
There may be times when you may say:"why do I bother?"
The answer is because you're worth it.
So dry those eyes and try to replace the tears of sadness,with those of resilience;you're changing.... for the better.
Life will bring us sadness,joy,questions and answers....and then a few more questions,simply to throw us off.

Stay the course,my friend.

Sincerely posted
Phoenix


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