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Old 09-11-2012, 07:20 PM   #1
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End of day 12...

Hi
It's day 12, no Roxy. Man my stomach is still so sick. Ugh.
And I have such a migraine. I have fioracet w/ codeine which I had to take, but it isn't working. It rarely does. Well, it's Karma for not having my roxy around for an emergency. So, this is what happens... ugh. A lesson to all the pain patents out there who blow through their scripts... Remember that the day may come when you really do need them for your health, and they are gone. It's a dangerous game to leave yourself without the meds you need to feed your addiction.
Anyway, tomorrow is day 13. Despite still feeling awful, again, I'm loving not living in a haze. Of course I miss getting high, but I've had some things I needed to deal with yesterday, and man dealing with it sober, clear headed... you can't beat it.
I have a long way to go, including my script refill next week and how I'll handle it. But for now I'm just taking it a day at a time. It's a real dilemma when you actually do need the pills for your health... but u misuse them too.
Anyhow- just musing....

W
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Old 09-17-2012, 03:39 PM   #2
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Re: End of day 12...

Congrats on getting to 12 days. I am tapering down, and the end can not get here fast enough for me. I am down to a very small dose, and do not want to take the CT plunge. But the anxiety is wearing me out. I feel like a cat on a hot tin roof.

I too have pain issues, and have had to sell my soul on more than one occasion.

hang in there

 
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Old 09-17-2012, 06:32 PM   #3
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Re: End of day 12...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wendy88 View Post
I've had some things I needed to deal with yesterday, and man dealing with it sober, clear headed... you can't beat it.
I have a long way to go, including my script refill next week and how I'll handle it. But for now I'm just taking it a day at a time. It's a real dilemma when you actually do need the pills for your health... but u misuse them too.
Anyhow- just musing....

W
Wendy,

Dealing with things clear-headed is enough but once you add being sober to the equation,it's an additional feather in your cap.
Keep taking it one day at a time and when it's your time for a refill,you will do the same thing;one day at a time,until that day turns into the next one.
Repeat as necessary.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Old 09-17-2012, 07:33 PM   #4
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Re: End of day 12...

Thanks to you both for the encouraging words. I got my refill today. Just in time (in some ways) because I got a migraine that sidelined me for most of the day. I was so sick. What a curse.
HOWEVER, I approached things differently this time. Instead of popping two right away, I only took one, to see if it would help me for the pain. I was NOT looking to get high. I'm scared I'll get depressed again like I was before. right now (and hopefully every day forward) I will do anything to avoid that depression, those mood swings, the crying... just being high and out of control. That is not me.
Anyway, as the day went on, I only increased by half doses every few hours (I did get a little buzz at one point, but it was not on purpose abd the feeling made me nervous. It's like I have my guard up. I've never felt this way before). Usually with a migraine of this calliber, I would have taken at least one and a half 15 mg every 1.5 hours after my initial dose (at a minimum). Plus the first day I get my script, I usually party with them.
As if now, I'm still under my daily allowed dose. I'm allowed 6 15mg a day but I'm not going to take more than 5.... If I can't clear my pain with 5 of them, then my pain just isn't gonna respond and taking more won't do anything good or helpful for me.

So I made it to 17 days without any pills and now I will try very hard to control my intake. As I said before, I am thinking of checking out NA for add'l support...
I very much enjoyed my energy, my lack of depression etc... Right now, my head is killing mr and I feel that pill foggy feeling, and I'm not enjoying it.
I'm GLAD I'm not enjoying it. I will not forget how good I felt over the past 17 days.... I think my depression meds are working now (I just changed to new meds a few months ago and it was hard to feel if it was helping cause I was always numb. I now know the meds are working and I'm getting over my depression. Buy I need to keep feeling, thinking... I can't hind behind a blue pill. It only makes things worse.

I'm determined to keep my head above water. It will be an uphill battle, as a chronic pain patient (there are no other meds I can take for my issues... I've been to multiple doctors, tried many meds, and there is no non narcotic solution for me, yet. Maybe someday they will made a med that will help me, but until then, i have to figure out a way that works for me, allows me to live my life somewhat pain free, and not emotionally numb, not lose who I am, fight for myself... I am worth it. Each of us in our struggles are.
I truly feel that i found my inner fighter. She was gone a long time but I won't let her leave again.
Wow, i didn't intend to write so much. If anyone made it all the way through, I feel I should take you to dinner!!
I hope to look back and read this when I need strength...
Best to everyone and thanks to all for their continued support. It means the world.
Wendy
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:59 PM   #5
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Re: End of day 12...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wendy88 View Post
Maybe someday they will made a med that will help me, but until then, i have to figure out a way that works for me, allows me to live my life somewhat pain free, and not emotionally numb, not lose who I am, fight for myself... I am worth it.. If anyone made it all the way through, I feel I should take you to dinner!!
Wendy,

They have made meds for you to take in moderation.

Yes you definitely are worth it;never lose sight of that,my friend.

As for dinner,i'll take a raincheck, as my eating disorder seems to constantly remind me it's there.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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