there was one occasion 6 weeks ago when I drunk so much in a pub that I had no memory of the night the next morning. I got later on some memories back, and recolled few words from conversations and few snapshots (unlocking front door, charging phone, etc) but I still kind of keep worrying about the periods which I don't remember. Which is about one hour.
I got home safely and there is no evidence that anything bad happened to me but I keep thinking about whether I could have been sexually abused/assaulted on my way home (after I separated from my friends) and having no memory of it.... I find it very hard to move on from this. In the next few days after this "incident" I have probably done the worst possible thing i.e. I started researching the web and found stories of people (mainly teens) and how they were raped when in a blackout and only finding out the next morning when they woke up lying next to a guy they didn't remember, or without their underwear etc..
I know that I didn't pass away or anything as I made this journey home by myself using a train and then walking, and also did some household chores when I arrived approx. at 1am but I still can't shake the fear of.. Is there any chance that I will get some memories later on or should I just try to forget about the thing and move on? My boyfriend suggested I seek a psychiatric help but I am not sure, I would like to know your opinion on alcohol blackouts and memory loss?
I am also very worried that if this happened I could have contracted hiv or another sexually transmitted disease and i've already had some negative tests but plan on doing another one at some later stage.