there was one occasion 6 weeks ago when I drunk so much in a pub that I had no memory of the night the next morning. I got later on some memories back, and recolled few words from conversations and few snapshots (unlocking front door, charging phone, etc) but I still kind of keep worrying about the periods which I don't remember. Which is about one hour.
I got home safely and there is no evidence that anything bad happened to me but I keep thinking about whether I could have been sexually abused/assaulted on my way home (after I separated from my friends) and having no memory of it.... I find it very hard to move on from this. In the next few days after this "incident" I have probably done the worst possible thing i.e. I started researching the web and found stories of people (mainly teens) and how they were raped when in a blackout and only finding out the next morning when they woke up lying next to a guy they didn't remember, or without their underwear etc..
I know that I didn't pass away or anything as I made this journey home by myself using a train and then walking, and also did some household chores when I arrived approx. at 1am but I still can't shake the fear of.. Is there any chance that I will get some memories later on or should I just try to forget about the thing and move on? My boyfriend suggested I seek a psychiatric help but I am not sure, I would like to know your opinion on alcohol blackouts and memory loss?
I am also very worried that if this happened I could have contracted hiv or another sexually transmitted disease and i've already had some negative tests but plan on doing another one at some later stage.
I doubt very much that you will ever regain memory of that lost hour, but many people function normally during blackouts and nothing bad happens. Be very grateful you were not driving a car while under the influence. Your anxiety about the incident should serve as a warning though that you need to monitor your alcohol consumption. If you had a sexual encounter, there would have been signs. You arrived home safely, you've been tested, and everything appears fine. Relax and watch your alcohol intake from now on.
The Following User Says Thank You to Tulip21 For This Useful Post: Phoenix (09-28-2012)
yes you're right this was definitely a lesson and I actually plan on not drinking - ever, I just feel so scared to have a drink. I normally don't drink, which is probably why I got this blackout coz I would normally drink maybe once in 3 months and a little amount makes me forget stuff. So this was quite unfortunate as I didn't count on the fact I'll have to make the journey home by myself.
I guess - I hope - it's my over-active imagination only. There was no evidence of anything sexual surely I would feel something the next day, or if it is was unwanted (as I fear) there would be some bruising. I just find it so unlikely that one would be raped and have not a slightest memory of it. I'm still a bit paranoid..Wow this is really crazy what alcohol can turn you into.