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Old 10-04-2012, 12:08 PM   #1
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DoinIt4MyFuture HB User
8 days and counting !?!?!?

Hi guys! I'm new here but feel like I know many of your personally from reading your posts! I'm here for 2 reasons the first being most important... I NEED support! I have been abusing pain pills for a good 3-4 years. It started from a back injury I had, I was prescribed them and took them as directed originally then my husband left me for another woman and I fell into a deep depression and started taking more and more till I got to the point I was taking 20-30 hydros a day or any other pain pill I could access! Recently my life made a turn around for the best... I recently fell in love with my Prince Charming :-) he is a wonderful man that I have known for years and finally got him lol anyway he is great and takes care of me and my 4 kids! Problem being is a few years back I watched him struggle with a heroin addiction that nearly took his life. I convinced him to RapidDetox and get the implant which he did but a few months later he was right back at it again starting with pills then moving to the needle again. Anyway I was clean while he was all messed and had so much to say to him. He wound up in some trouble and spent 2 years in prison! That was his wake up call he's been clean now for 4 years. Well actually he's on Suboxen buts it's better then H! Well I kept my pill habit very quiet and nobody knew I was an addict including him. We started seeing each other about 3 months ago and we instantly clicked and fell in love. The new him was amazing I liked the old him but my god I had to have this man after he cleaned up! I didn't dare tell him tho I was hooked! Not because I was ashamed or embarrassed but I didn't want to trigger him into using again! He spoke often on how he was done with that life but I didn't want to take the chance. So I told myself I'd quit... But never really tried. Just hid it more! Then things with us got serious and we moved into together and it finally hit me that I WANT to be free of this BS. He motivated me so much from his experience and I had a mental moment and actually realized how bad I'd gotten. I lost all my family and friends, had NO money ever, was lying and stealing from loved ones... I didn't want to be that person anymore! I'm 28 years old and still have a lot of life I wanna be healthy for! So last week Thursday was my last "dose" I went off it all cold turkey! I told my man I had the flu and stayed in bed days 1-4 and he took care me but I still couldn't tell him it was wds... And I don't plan on telling him. But at the same time I need support so I came here hoping to find some :-) my other reason is because I'm now on day 7 with nothing and glad the hell part is over! But I'm still having a few problems... One is I'm real jittery all day long it won't stop and it feels like my heart is racing. The other is I haven't slept in 3 days I'm so tired and try but just can't seem to sleep! It's driving me nuts because it's interfering with me taking care of my family! And lastly it feels like I have sunburn... Is this all normal? When will it stop? Thanks to anyone that read this I look forward to the comments!

 
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Old 10-05-2012, 05:13 AM   #2
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Re: 8 days and counting !?!?!?

Hi Future! Welcome to the board!
Yhe sunburn thing-when I go off pills (when I'm
Abusing my script i'll use 180 15 mg Roxys in 2 weeks then run out and stop and I sometimes get what looks like a heat rash. The hotter I get the worse!! Areas can sting etc. I have fair, sensitive skin. I try to treat it like a rash and it slowly responds. I've to assumed it's related but harmless (but I'm no doc), I assume it's the toxins leaving. About ur other issues, i think some time u may want to tell him. Tell him u were scared to trigger his sobriety from ur heart.
. but he shouldn't feel guilty that he couldnt help u thru but still
by just him being there it was enough. Does he have a sponsor to talk to?

But you are right. You gotta stay off the pills. More that ever. If you can, go to the doc for the jitters. I find cloazapam to help, but u need a doctor to really safely assist you , go to NAnlnor support group, see a therapist (many these days work with a sliding $ scale if that's an issue),- just make sure their main thing is drugs and not like aracnophobia! get a pro to join your mini team to help u and maybe your man too. It's worth the fight, i can tell u know cause u have kids. You're young. You can do this!!!! No matter how , I know you can !You just need supports - your home is a safe haven, or since u have kids, then a trusted friends place. Somewhere to talk and not abuse, depending on what u and your man decide to do to support each other. and u will need someone to back u). Like a sponsor?

But I have another opposing thought, and this may be to tell him the truth and then go into the right type of couples therapy to help you both.. You telling him the truth and leaning on him may make him feel like he is doing well in his recovery. That he can be trusted, that u can vome to him, And if it's too much?call a doom E
Hi Future! Welcome to the board!
Yhe sunburn thing-when I go off pills (when I'm
Abusing my script i'll use 180 15 mg Roxys in 2 weeks then run out and stop and I sometimes get what looks like a heat rash. The hotter I get the worse!! Areas can sting etc. I have fair, sensitive skin. I try to treat it like a rash and it slowly responds. I've to assumed it's related but harmless (but I'm no doc), I assume it's the toxins leaving. About ur other issues, i think some time u may want to tell him. Tell him u were scared to trigger his sobriety from ur heart.
. but he shouldn't feel guilty that he couldnt help u thru but still
by just him being there it was enough. Does he have a sponsor to talk to?

But you are right. You gotta stay off the pills. More that ever. If you can, go to the doc for the jitters. I find cloazapam to help, but u need a doctor to really safely assist you , go to NAnlnor support group, see a therapist (many these days work with a sliding $ scale if that's an issue),- just msle sure their main thing is drugs and not like arcnophobia! get someone behind you that you hand to be accountable to in case u have bad days (and they will come and they will suck) but they do go away. really and truly. You just need supports - your home is a safe haven, or since u have kids, then a trusted friends place. Somewhere to talk and not abuse, depending on what u and your man decide to do to support each other. and u will need someone to back u). Like a sponsor?

But I have another opposing thought, and this may take couples therapy which (if u file it tight thatveoukd cover it). You telling him the truth and leaning on him may make him feel like he is doing well in his recovery. That he can be trusted, that u came . But he is doing really great. And so are you. You met a great guy and you absolutely can't do drugs especially downers... But really anything in this relationship. It's best for you both not mention the 4 kids. Man, kids are smarter than we realize. But they bounce back. Let them see that whatever they may think is wrong, their mom can get through. That can't be taught too early. They absorb everythih and will see your new happiness ...Energy... All of it.

Consider both options, (after rereadimg, maybe they aren't do different, but im
So tired. Couldnt sleep.Hopefully u can glean something hood fro m my crazy rambling . I'm scared to see how long this it. I guess it's worth it if it helps!!
All the best. And a medal to u if u read it all!! Omg I gotta go to bed! Lol
I'm a nut!
Sending Good vibes your way ,
Keep us posted
Wendy


For u, I sure there's a group out there to help fill I'n the gaps, to keep safe.
Safe.
Gosh, I knif of oat myself this is sibling. I better proof tips- the sleepiness,and step away when it's STD. There must tmybusdues, moody, crying etc are all normal. Maybe after 4 years ofsobriety he vmcan belong a little
Keep us posted and stay strong!
Wendy


R, get one I'n place and with thrOugh it. I eorty I'n the end he will find out and he will take it way too personally.... He hasn't had YJST much time sober to
200% return to himself. But he is doing really great. And so are you. You met a great guy and you absolutely can't do drugs especially downers... But really anything. It's best for you both not mention the 4 kids. Man, kids are smartest than we realize. But they bounce back. Let them see that whatever they may think is wrong, true mom can get through. That can't be taught too early. They absorb everythih and will see yup née happiness? Energy... All of it. Nothinhbwill beatvthst.
I get it. Im a total pill addict too. With all drugs, starting at 13 or 14 the longest I was sober was I'n my 20's for a health issue, and even then I abused Valium . I didn't get addicted, but I tool them not as prescribed,
Consider both options, you know him not me. Nut u need support and it takes s while to get through it. U do t wanna lie the whole time, just tonorotect his sonriety. You have your kids and your sobriety that needs to co
E fitsyvin,

For u, I sure there's a group out there to help fill I'n the gaps, to keep safe.
Safe.
Gosh, I knif of oat myself this is sibling. I better proof tips- the sleepiness,and step away when it's STD. There must tmybusdues, moody, crying etc are all normal. Maybe after 4 years ofsobriety he vmcan belong a little
Keep us posted and stay strong!
Wendy
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Last edited by mod85; 10-05-2012 at 09:21 AM.

 
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