So here I am. Sitting here with my thoughts trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Here's a summary of my situation. Since 2001, I have been on a 12 year run of heroin and methadone. It started really back in '95 when I first tried heroin. Like many, I fell in love. And like many, I began to hate what it was turning me into. After a couple of years of selling it, doing it, and committing crimes to keep going, I finally hit a wall and decided to stop so I could change my life. I wanted to go to college and have a fulfilling life. Back then, I didn't know what a withdrawel was or that I was even gonna have one so it came and went like nothing. With me going away to college and keeping my mind on that task, I was able to fill the void. Unfortunately, 5 years later, I began to get high again thinking that I could do it casually because it was so easy to stop last time. My habit grew and grew and when I tried to stop, I would just go right back. Then I tried to move away. I learned that heroin is everywhere! I decided to get on methadone for alittle bit and then come off after my mind was right. After 9 years of using methadone and heroin at the same time a lot, I realized that I had a huge problem on my hands. My heroin habit grew to 20 bags a day at its peak. Then I met a beautiful woman who changed my perspective on life and how I viewed myself. She made me feel that I was worth salvaging and that sobriety can be happiness for me. When she found out my plight, like so many other women before her, she considered just leaving me. But she didn't and she stayed and supported me and my methadone maintenance. My plan was to only use methadone and eventually taper down and off. But I didn't. That demon in my head kept me using even while I was with her. She found out once that I used and forgave me and said no more. 9 months later, I used again, she found the needles and that was it. We are not together anymore but I know the live we share is deep and real and if I was to get clean, that we could be together again. Even more, I have just reached a point if being tires of this lifestyle, tired of not being able to have what I want, tired of being able to be more in my career than I already am.
So I decided to go to a detox or rehab. But I have no insurance and not enough money to pay for it up front. So I stopped using methadone about 3 months ago and only have done heroin. However it's been a 12-16 bag a day habit since then. Now I have built up enough courage to do this and I also have my roomate who is quitting at the same time. I started off with 2 suboxone a day. The first 6 days I felt like shut and the cravings were immense. I still continued to use feeling like I was more addicted to the routine of getting it, cooking it, and putting it In the needle than I was to the high or the drug. After a week, the cravings fell off and I started to feel abut more normal on the subs. Even with this, I am still using. I can't seem to trust this drug to carry me a full day and let it do its thing. If I could do that, I think I will be on my way to properly recovering. But how can I stop myself at that moment? Is there something I can take? Also, I'm buying my subs off the street so I don't want to be on them long. What would be a proper way to come off the subs once I stop using on top of them? Please any help would be appreciated
The following user gives a hug of support to cHeFLuK: Phoenix (11-10-2012)
But how can I stop myself at that moment? Is there something I can take?
Personally, I think suboxone might help (especially at first), but it seems to tickle the same part of the brain as opiates making the lack of satisfaction more salient/noticeable. The people I know who quit started with subs but only finally quit without them. (Taking subs seems to draw people back to using more often than not.)
Part of addiction (maybe the worst part) is that for some reason the immune system attacks the pleasure center of the brain. This seems to be part of the experience of craving (apparently any kind of severe craving). It can help with this aspect of craving to take magnesium. Magnesium stabilizes twitchy nerves and reduces immune activity. But bear in mind that magnesium can be very imbalancing itself, so only take the smallest amount you find helpful. Or maybe try getting it from food sources, so that it's more balanced with other nutrients (like kelp, chorella or spirulina maybe?)
At the same time, there seem to be a lot of anti-magnesium food components that make cravings much worse. Some ubiquitous offenders here seem to be phosphoric acid (in soda, processed foods), citric acid, xylitol, caffeine and alcohol. You might find you can mostly prevent the worst cravings by avoiding certain things like these.
Very moderate Mg use has a marvelous effect on depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and all sorts of other things that are often related to substance problems (especially the sensation of craving), but I should explain just how very imbalancing Mg too can be too. (You might be inclined to overdo it without knowing how very important it is to avoid excess.) The directions on a bottle (of Mg alone) actually could be enough to cause imbalance, I have found.
Too much magnesium will seriously depress immune function, which is incredibly bad for health (encourages every illness including especially cancer). But about cancer, very low magnesium is actually carcinogenic as well. (Nutrition gets surprisingly complicated the further one digs down into it. It's all interrelated Goldilocks-components like this.)
Last edited by mc7; 11-16-2012 at 08:16 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to mc7: Phoenix (11-15-2012)
We are not together anymore but I know the live we share is deep and real and if I was to get clean, that we could be together again. Even more, I have just reached a point if being tires of this lifestyle, tired of not being able to have what I want, tired of being able to be more in my career than I already am.
So I decided to go to a detox or rehab. But I have no insurance and not enough money to pay for it up front. I'm buying my subs off the street so I don't want to be on them long. What would be a proper way to come off the subs once I stop using on top of them? Please any help would be appreciated
Hello cHeFLuK and welcome.
Have you thought of claiming financial hardship? You can go to your local social services with documents such as 1) Proper photo ID 2) Copies of utility bills and/or any documents that prove both your identity and where you reside.3) A letter from the landlord detailing rental amounts and what utilities(if any) are your responsibility.
Please try to get the necessary help you both need and deserve.
As an added bonus,you still have someone out there who cares about you.
Begin seperating yourself from the people,places and things that you associate with using.
The key here is to keep the focus on yourself and the goal/s that you set for yourself.
It takes effort;true,sincere effort on your behalf to attain the results you seek.
Know that we are here for you.
Please also feel free to peruse the previous threads on this board at your earliest convenience.
I hope this is enough,for starters. If you can imagine being clean,you can make it a tangible reality.
You are always welcome to post as often as you like;you're among caring individuals who can relate.If not in whole then in part.
United we stand stronger than ever. Allow yourself a chance for the miracle to happen.