what recovery has done.... - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Christine · 01-16-2002, 08:36 AM

A lot of you know my story - I just wanted to caption something that happended as a direct result of my recovery.

I was a coccaine addict and I abused alchohol. I was raising two children on my own - no help from Dad for two years 6 years ago. After two years, my children asked to go live with their Dad, in Texas (I am in Mass.) their life with me had become too scary for them. I tried to fight it at first, but realized that I was definitely losing - I agreed to let them go to live there - I had them for summer vacations and school vacations. I would go 3 months at a time without seeing them. At first it was hell - I wanted to die. I drowned myself in drugs and booze to try to make the pain go away. I had met and was living with a wonderful man who was baffled and hurt by my actions - I would disappear for a couple of days, he would be devastated, I would come home, I would be sorry, I would promise it would never happen again, and I would mean it. He put up with this for a couple of years until he finally helped me get into rehab and get some help. I started going to AA and to accept the fact that I had a problem. The first year of my recovery was awful - I would go one, two , sometimes three months - never more, and I would relapse. I had trouble forgiving myself and was overwhelmed with guilt. I hated my life the way it was - and everytime I would put together a short period of clean time my life would improve dramatically. I had such a hard time breaking that cycle of self-sabatoge. Then, I decided to get off the merry-go -round and get down to business. I did 90 meetings in 90 days - I got a sponsor, I listened and did what I was told. I spoke at meetings, I went on commitments with my group. I found this board and chronicled my progress and made "friends" with the people who post here. Before I knew it a year had gone by and my boyfriend asked me to marry him, my job was great, life was great.... so great I thought that I could stop going to meetings - just for a while.

Well, you can guess what happened. I relapsed. I hurt my fiancee so badly he didn't know what to do. I had to start all over from the beginning, and figure out what I had done wrong. I was ashamed and scared - it only lasted a couple of weeks - I got myself back into the program, but it was really hard - the mindset was gone.

Little by little it got better again. I started feeling better about myself and earning back the trust I had blown. I started posting here again - helping others is crucial to my recovery. I have put together almost 4 months of sobriety again and I feel good about it. I am much more aware now that I have to have constant vigilance over my recovery - that the rug can be pulled out from under me at any time - I can't let my guard down.

My ex and the kids recently moved back to Vermont, where we came from. My daughter decided at Christmas that she wanted to live with me. We bought a house on the Cape, and I am getting married next year. I feel like I have my life back. I see my son every other weekend and he is 4 hours away by car, not by plane! I am convinced that none of this would be possible if I had not made the decision to do whatever it takes to get my act together. I am a big advocate of AA/NA- it has been the only way I could stay clean and sober. It's people helping people be the best people they can be. I don't work the program perfectly -f ar from it - I am an atheist, I had trouble accepting direction, I constantly question. But I am learning to be the best I can be - what I was meant to be, and consequently good things are happening in my life.

That is what recovery has done for me.

Mr Mojo · 01-16-2002, 11:23 AM

Christine,

I'm proud to "know" you through this forum. Your story is everybody's story in one way or another. I learn a lot from you and take something away from every post. Keep up the great work! I'm pulling for you and everybody here.

Peace and Serenity,
Paul

Razzle6 · 01-19-2002, 01:34 PM

Getting into Recovery; is the most "un-selfish act" I could do! I was hurting my entire family and friends.

Now I am able to live a productive life, take care of my children, and have long lasting relationships with family & friends. I am living a responsible and normal life. I am glad for myself, that I was able to accomplish this (Recovery) at an early age, so I may be able to live and enjoy the type of normal life that I have always wanted for myself. (it is hard to describe) Thanks to my Recovery!

RaZzLe

invirginia · 02-15-2002, 03:35 PM

Recovery is beautiful. My sister, a crack and alcohol addict, is celebrating 6 months of recovery next week. When she hit bottom, she had sold everything she had to buy drugs, ended up losing her house and her job and her boyfriend--because he didn't want to stop (and still hasn't from what I heard). She lost pretty much everything. Well, she didn't lose that inner resolve. She is such a strong person, I am so proud of her, and happy for her, because she decided she needed help, and she did it--she went and got help. My parents let her move in with them, which was nice, but it's hard on her because they're in denial and won't talk about it. They think it's just a phase and it'll go away if they don't talk about it. My sister goes to AA and NA meetings almost every day, and has built a support system of people who help her stay focused on staying clean. So in spite of losing everything and living with my ostrich head-in-the-sand parents, my sister is clean and sober and the happiest I think she's ever been in her life, because thru it all she discovered a lot about herself along the way, and she conquered a lot of old demons and has actually learned to love herself. So I think recovery is a beautiful thing. I've learned a lot about myself as well, thru this whole thing. I continue to learn from her. I am so happy to have her for a sister. I think all of you here are the most courageous people I have ever met and I learn a lot from all of you, most of all, to NEVER give up. It's incredible. Thank you!

Vickie

[This message has been edited by invirginia (edited 02-15-2002).]

[This message has been edited by invirginia (edited 02-15-2002).]