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Old 05-13-2013, 12:07 PM   #16
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kaylalala HB Userkaylalala HB User
Re: My husband still disapproves of me.

Update:

Still sober but not feeling so great, lately. I'm trying to get on with my life but I can't help thinking I was better as a drunk, at least as far as socializing... I have one friend that I see regularly now. One, and that's it. Better than none, I guess.

So, just checking in here. Thanks for reading.
xoxo Kayla

 
Old 05-13-2013, 12:24 PM   #17
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michellegrl HB User
Re: My husband still disapproves of me.

be successful without his approval period......

 
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:40 PM   #18
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geo775 HB User
Re: My husband still disapproves of me.

I think your husband has to deal with his own family and their attitudes.

I think you should be very frank and direct with your spouse about what you need: which is forgiveness, and support, and love.

If he cannot promise these in a heart-felt and sincere way, then you may be in an unpleasant situation but at least you'll know.

One thing I don't get is how your husband disapproves of you now that you are sober. But that's neither here nor there. You have work to do, and his disapproval and its history cannot be allowed to get in your way.

Look forward. Don't look back. Many a stumble is caused by looking back when we should pay attention to where we're going.

Last edited by Administrator; 05-27-2013 at 05:48 PM.

 
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kaylalala (07-16-2013)
Old 06-09-2013, 06:23 AM   #19
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katlovesdogz HB User
Re: My husband still disapproves of me.

I too have issues with my husband's support. I used heroin sporadically until a month ago. I had a pity party and went on a 3 day binge. I haven't used in over a month and came totally clean to my husband of over 25 years. At first he was loving and supportive. Now whenever I do something wrong he throws it up in my face. He checks my mileage,cell phone,bank balance etc. If I go anywhere I have to have proof. I wish I knew how long he will be suspicious of everything I do. I promised him I would be 100 percent honest with him and I have been. Have you had your husband attend any meetings with you? Does he understand that you have a disease? I hope he wouldn't divorce you if you had cancer.

 
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kaylalala (07-16-2013)
Old 06-09-2013, 06:41 AM   #20
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geo775 HB User
Re: My husband still disapproves of me.

Kat, hey there. I would not put up with being treated like a teenager. So here's the perspective from Poke Salad Alley: I'd say, Look, I was honest with you, I could have kept on deceiving you cuz bubba that was SO EASY, but no, I was honest with you, and you've known me for a quarter century, and I'm an adult woman, and if you think you're going to play detective with my bank balance and odometer you can ______________.
Filling in one of the following, or your own choice:
1. go to hell.
2. pack your bags right now.
3.pray about it until you see the light.
4. go back to the drawing board.
5. think again.

Of course there is something he has not been honest with you about either, something he's kept secret that you would not approve of, and though I don't know what that is I can promise you its there. Don't forget that. He doesn't get to "play saint" with you as the sinner.

 
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kaylalala (07-16-2013)
Old 06-11-2013, 02:00 PM   #21
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SevenAteNine HB User
Re: My husband still disapproves of me.

Kayla, The most important thing is you stay sober. Congratulations on the 5 months. Hopefully you have a sponsor who you can talk to. Many answers are in the big book and the 12 steps. Alcoholism is a disease...they knew that in 1935. Its a tricky disease however because its the only one that will tell you you dont have it. The number one thing to remember is that you are not alone and a problem shared is one cut in half. I always had a problem forgiving myself but it starts there. If I cant forgive myself how can anyone else? Keep doing the right thing and your husbands family may or may not come around. Part of having faith in the program of AA involves doing things that are suggested and believing that somehow they will work. You married your husband and he married you, not each other's families. It would be nice if they forgive you (and they probably will someday) but is it necessary for you to be happy? The program of AA was given to us so we can be the people we were intended to be. Its a program that looks bland and boring from the outside but can be amazing.

 
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kaylalala (07-16-2013)
Old 07-16-2013, 09:33 PM   #22
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kaylalala HB Userkaylalala HB User
Re: My husband still disapproves of me.

Hey everyone! Just wanted to post an update since I haven't been here in a little while. At this point my husband and I are separated, both of us have the goal of eventually getting back together but we need a little time apart for us both to figure out who we are as individuals. I believe we are/were as much addicted to each other as I was to alcohol, and I was getting way too caught up in what his family thought of me so that was not healthy. I do think it would have got in the way of my sobriety if we did not take some time away from each other. I think we can be good for each other at some point in the future once we figure this stuff out.

Thanks again to everyone who has posted here, hope you are all doing well... best wishes and God bless. xoxo Kayla

 
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