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i mena now im clean right great but what the point when i feel depressed every day that im clean i feel depressed so i use again then i fall into the trap of uisng H again and then i feel depressed cos i knwo im hooked again so what the way out of this...why the pain why?
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Dear Humbleman,
Yes, I liked the poem and it does ring very true. All our stories are so interchangeable, are they not?
I think you are searching…and you are coming closer to your answer…doubtful we will have an answer until either one of us can claim 10, 15, 20, 30 years clean. Always learning. Always leave yourself open to learn, I try anyway.
Humbleman, that is my struggle. Everyday. Depression or anxiety…stupid stuff. But think, what have we been injecting directly into our bloodstream for years and years? We have been blasting our brains with an ultra blaster. A drug so powerful they give it to terminally ill patients. Remember how it instilled all that confidence?…all that motivation and happy happy feelings? It stands to reason that when we stop, and when the withdrawels are over….the world will look very different indeed…plus, NOBODY really knows about the grey matter between our ears. Nobody really knows the long-term effects. Are we endorphin handicapped for good? I don’t know. I don’t think anybody really knows. But I want to live. There is no choice anymore. So, I have to make very effort to get out of the funk. There are things we can do to promote natural endorphin production: exercise (include cardiovascular stuff), eat right…plus carbohydrates are good for depression, humour – laugh man, look at the hilarity of it all. We are ALL crazy and are all just acting in different roles…rrrrrrreally haha!
Another thing I do is to try to broaden my horizons...one reason I don’t frequent recovery boards that often anymore: go somewhere else besides the ever lurking monkey that is hiding behind every rock…for me personally, I like history very much and so I throw myself into that and from a common interest I meet tons of different people and we never talk about drugs
I take myself elsewhere….you with me? I don’t know if that garrble made sense. Sure hope so. Take care Humbleman and give it time. This takes a long long time. Believe in yourself and be patient…and if it is truly bad, go get help…so many groups out there, so many docs, so much support.
Good luck my friend.
The Pain of a Heroin addict 
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