Hi, I am brand new to this board. I'm 43 and 4 months ago, I relapsed on heroin. I plan to go cold turkey right after I pay rent the first of next month (that way I can take a week off of work and can be broke for a bit without worrying bout rent/bills). I have a couple questions. I am completely terrified of the wd's but have read many posts on several boards about CT and read some good advice on OTC stuff to help and that have given me some courage. I was up to doing about half a gram a day (which, I think, isn't too bad... If I could afford it I know i would've done more) and have cut myself down to half that, mostly due to completely running out of money. But it's not just the financial issue that's causing me to quit. I'm to that point where I'm just tired of it. Plus, absolutely no one but my connection knows. I've managed to keep it from my boyfriend and the guilt is killing me. Ok, onto my questions: first, I can get a refill on a script for 90 pills of oxycodone 10mg (I've been suffering from chronic neck/shoulder and hip pain and my dr has been prescribing me this, of which, since being on heroin, I only use in emergencies when I can't get dope). I'm wondering if I should spend the next 2 weeks (before my CT plan) switching to the oxy. I'm pretty sure it would take between 80-100 mg of the oxy to get straight. I could try to taper down from that (it would be way easier to taper the oxy than the heroin). Does anyone think that that would make it a little easier when I finally go CT? I guess I'm worried about having wd's while I'm working the next couple weeks. I certainly dont have enough pills to maintain the whole time. I've also considered using the oxys to ease wd during that week but figure that will just prolong the length of time it takes to completely detox.
My other question is about my boyfriend. There is no way I can avoid seeing him during that week. Things have already been strained in our relationship due to my depression from my addiction. I've thought I can fake having the flu during that week but worry the wd symptoms will be too obvious. He does know about my pain issues and knows I'm prescribed some heavy duty pain meds so I also considered telling him I accidentally got addicted to the pills and need to take a week off to detox myself... I'm just so ashamed and worried about his reaction. But I think he'd be more understanding bout the pills than if I told him it was heroin. I know there will be people who say I should tell him the truth. I'm hoping there are those of you out there who understand and have gone through the same issue where you simply cannot be honest about this due to the consequences. I'm well aware that AA/NA would not approve... that they would encourage addicts to be honest to their partners/families, etc. I simply cannot do this.
I apologize for the extremely long post and want to thank in advance those of you who bother to read it and, especially, to those who may respond.
I'm very scared and my brain is feeling scattered so I apologize if this post is scattered and rambling.
The following is just a little of my history if anyone is interested:
I was addicted to heroin (IV'ing) in my 20's and spent 8 yrs on methadone. It took me many, many years to taper myself down to 0. I did really well for several years. I started having chronic pain issues around 7 yrs ago and I relapsed 2 times and both times used either methadone or suboxone to detox. My pain got so severe around a year ago and my dr started prescribing the oxycodone (and, no, I never revealed to her my past issues). I really thought I could handle the pills and was actually not physically dependent on them when it just so happened that I met a guy who I learned was doing heroin. It wasn't long before I started doing a little but here and there. Didn't take long and I became addicted. This time I'm only snorting but still know that the wd is going to be very difficult. I've looked into getting on suboxone but its proving to not be a viable option for several reasons. I refuse to get on methadone again. I think i have no choice but to go cold turkey. I realize I need to seek out some help thru either NA or other recovery help. Thanks for reading.
The following user gives a hug of support to SconnyEve: Phoenix (04-09-2013)
Re: Plan to cold turkey from heroin- have questions
Hi, ouch! I can certainly relate to the situation you are in. Firstly, however, I'm a little confused about your plan. Are you planning to stop the heroine and immediately start the oxy before any withdrawls start and then taper down? I'm thinking that is what you are wanting to do. Firstly I must tell you I live in a place that has a very different approach to addiction so many may not agree with me. But, coming off drugs should not, and does not have to be, a nightmarishly painful experience...meaning a s l o w taper and, truthfully, I doubt that the amount of oxys you have will allow for that. But, yes, I definitely think you should take that route. I've suffered through countless painful, sweaty, jerky, withdrawls too sick to get out of bed even to vomit. Not being able to get through the withdrawls, largely due to work, etc. kept me addicted for years. Methadone seems to have a bad reputation over there, hmm, why? For me, it has given me back my life. I've been on it for 5 years now and, while I have often considered going off, the risk of relapse and the inevitable consequences are just not worth it. But it's free here and available at every chemist (with rx, obviously) and there is no set time limit when you must get off it. You are not pressured to do so and if you do taper, it is done very slowly, up to the individual, but usually 2.5mg a week. I tapered from 105mg to 85 at that rate and was even uncomfortable with that. I couldn't imagine what it's like to go at the rates I've been reading here. Obviously, I'm a big fan of methadone, and my first thought for you was "why not methadone?" But, after reading of the difficulties faced by those in other areas, I can understand.
Now, as for your next issue---the boyfriend, yes, I know just what you mean about the consequences of honesty with regards to drug use. I too have had it preached to me that I must tell everyone I am close to, my employer, doctors, etc. and wow, how freeing it will be. Unfortunately, for me, it rarely ended up that way. I was judged, shunned, ridiculed, considered "less than", not trusted, etc, etc. I'm sure you know what I mean. Very few people truly understand addiction and, as for your relationship, that's a tough one. If you don't tell him and he finds out, it will be bad. If you do tell him, it could very well be bad. It's kind of like the old affair issue, to tell or not to tell. If you are able to detox successfully without him knowing, I really don't see what the harm is in the overall huge picture. Just because you are uncomfortable about how he will react does not mean you must question the entire relationship either. We all have secrets in our lives--even him. Nobody knew I was on drugs either and it's a dreadful secret to have to hide. I mean, just how many times in one year can a person have the flue? Interestingly, no one really cares that I'm on methadone and as a result, I don't really care who knows. So much easier.
OK, enough from me. That probably provided no help at all, but hopefully it did, even just a little!
Re: Plan to cold turkey from heroin- have questions
I'm a meth addict, was sober 12 years and relapsed 3 years ago. I now have a month sober and finally feel human again.
I just have to say for me there is no tapering down. If I had it, I did it. I couldnt do "just a little for today" and so on and so forth. I cant go near it because the pull is too strong.
I just stay away from it and focus on trying to reverse my self destruction. Good luck to you and anyone else who is fighting to stay clean.