It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-25-2013, 12:29 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Beyond whistler BC Canada
Posts: 6
Barb needs help HB User
Feel alone beginning clonazepam taper

Benzo diazepine withdrawal in my life. I am freshly off Ativan prescribed 20 years ago. Have just started the first step to taper .
I am scarcely able to take care of myself. Most months I am in depression.
My own life i view as a tragedy. I have been going to AA. It's my only socialization besides seeing mental health workers who help me get outdoors to walk a little, get the odd grocery, maybe eat a sandwich.
I don't like for you, myself, for anyone to see what my existence has become.
I paint occasionally, without much enthusiasm. It got lost from my vocabulary.
AA teaches me I must rely on God, have faith, work to be free of the bondage of self and trudge the road to happy destiny. After many years without using alchol I now mirror a hollow woman, beaten down by life - shaming myself instead of expressing gratitude for all I've been given.
Pharmacist just called to make sure I understand how to manage this new change to my meds and said I am a strong woman. To tell myself that.
I guess I will beat this too, as life has a way of moving forward despite ourselves.
Although I have come off a ton of different meds I am still taking max dose age antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. I suspect I am going to need to cut them back too - sometime in the distant future. I know this is not what anyone wants to hear from me, that if I would move off the pity pot and look beyond myself this suffering need not be.
Perhaps it has just become a negative way of life. Perhaps none of it is my fault.
When I do feel well I think I can tackle the world - but before I am able, rather after I have exhausted my savings, I slip again into what feels a worse hell.
So I have withdrawn, or make a friend only till I feel they have caught onto my mood swings and are sufficiently powerless to help a woman who won't help herself, and I let them drift away because I am ashamed.
I have gone through the AA steps again, asking forgiveness, releasing resentments, exposing skeletons I wanted to go to my grave with, forging closer bonds with my kids, but still stuck in place.agoraphobia has blinds shut, I've created my own prison. I listen to a benzo free meditation - this too shall pass, each day I am getting better and better. But the reality of it is I can't feel or believe in my own recovery. Perhaps if I could help another this might benefit us both. Please please reply I feel so alone

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added




Top 10 Drugs Discussed on this Board.
(Go to DrugTalk.com for complete list)
Hydrocodone
Lortab
Methadone
Oxycontin
Percocet
  Tylenol
Ultram Valium
Vicodin
Xanax




TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (150), katlin09 (108), reachout (100), Wendy88 (36), second go (36), oxygirl (34), corissa3 (32), Tysmom1 (24), icehouse3z (24), bolter (21)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:11 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!