I ran out of something I had taken for almost 7 years on Sunday. I am quit. The Funny thing is Saturday, I started getting the flu. SO whatever withdrawal symptoms I get will be masked by this flu. I'd have been really upset to go cold turkey with withdrawals for a week and then get the flu a week later. Luckily I have a nice stash of valium to help me. I went to the doctor yesterday, TURNed DOWN A REFILL OF MY DRUG choice and got a shot of torodol for the muscle aches and a z-pak.
This has convinced me there is a God, otherwise I would have 2 miserable weeks instead of one.
Please pray I am strong and when I get well, I stay clean.
Cold turkey is a tough ride and I hope you are well. Big step taken to not accept a refill. Kudos!
Have you worked out an aftercare plan for yourself. As hard a withdrawing can be, we really need to work on finding the underlying cause of our drug abuse or relapse will come. We need to learn new coping skills so that when Life throws us a curve, we can handle it with new responses. It takes time to retrain the brain but with determination and work we can do it.
I have been doing good. I am over the flu and any withdrawal problems I may have had. I don't know how much was CT and how much was the flu, but I had a few miserable days. Those were spent on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket watching cartoons.
The only thing I am battling now is my mind. I have caught myself thinking, "time for a pill" and getting up before I remember that I'm not doing that anymore.
I did lose a friend over this. He couldn't believe I stopped and accused me of being a bogart and hoarding medication. We used to float each other when a refill was a day away. He wasn't a friend at all, I guess.
I feel good. I've started swimming and going to water aerobics. It's not just good exercise- it's good for my ego! I'm the youngest person in the morning sessions by a good 20 years and I am able to keep up- haha!
I think I have read every entry on these boards. I would like to start going to NA but I live in a small town and there is one NA group. Not much "anonymous" going on when everybody knows your car! I did get an NA book on ebay and I'm reading it and I think it's helping me. I may have to drive to the big town 10 miles away and find a group.
I bought myself a bracelet with that Winston Churchill quote- "never never never never never never never give up" -as my silent reminder to be strong.
So far, so good! I welcome prayers, wishes, good vibrations, whatever you believe in! Every bit helps!
I love the mantra on your bracelet. My primary care doctor had given me a mantra... "I am getting stronger and better every day." It sure helped me through tough times to remember this and keep on fighting.
Also, the swimming... that physical exercise is one of the best things we can do!! It actually speeds up getting over the physical withdrawals.. helps restore our brains because it starts them producing their own, natural "feel good" chemicals... endorphins and stuff.
Those automatic times when we reach for a pill are a habit we have taught ourselves. We trained our brains to respond that way. Good news is that we can train them to respond in a different way. For me, even more than the scheduled times triggering me to reach for a pill, were the times of stress where I reached for a pill to cope. I had to learn to deal with Life on Life's terms. Gotta tell you that we have to work that one out with steely determination and I must say, you strike me as steely determined woman :-)
My own aftercare was done with a licensed clinical social worker. She helped me identify and face some "Hidden" stuff I kept trying to keep locked away. It was painful sometimes, but so necessary. I have said many times that the year it took me to taper off Oxycodone and then Xanax, was a year that I learned more about myself in the previous years combined. Aftercare is so important! Whether NA, AA or a private source, we ALL need it to help us truly restore our bodies and brains and to help us learn new thinking and coping patterns.
I am so psyched after reading your post! Keep up the wonderful efforts!
Pulling for you all the way
I had a minor health scare. I got some kind of bug and treated it with sugar-free Gatorade type stuff- turns out I don't process it due to either the coloring or the sugar substitute they used. So while I am trying to stay hydrated, I was doing the opposite and increasing the diarrhea and dehydration. I ended up spending 4 days in the hospital- including 2 in the ICU.
They offered me my drug of choice and I refused. When I was discharged, I was given a few prescriptions to have filled. Instead of greedily scouring the RX scripts to see what goodies I got, I just got them filled.
I ended up with a bottle of 15 of my drug of choice.
I gave them to husband to hide from me forever. I can't bring myself to flush them. I keep thinking "I am stronger than these pills."
I just struck me as funny that if I had asked for them, I would have been given the 3rd degree by the doctor. But since I am staying away from them, I am being given them without asking. The doctor knows I am trying to quit them, I guess she thought she was helping me out.
I don't know why I can't bear to destroy them. But giving them to my husband is like locking them in Fort Knox. He won't give them to me for any reason. He understands I don't want them.
I wish I was strong enough to flush them or destroy them. Something is holding me back. I need more strength.
Gee, sorry you had such a scare there. Hope you are feeling better now and recovery is soon complete.
No judgment here about filling that script and not flushing them. Who knows why we do some of the things we do?! Maybe it is like saying goodbye to an old friend... we need time to feel truly detached from the pills. The important thing is that you have turned them over to Hubby and feel confident he will not give them to you. You are going to be okay. :-)
Kudos on 30 days! You are surely heading in the direction of a restored life. I am very happy for you!
I like having a place to vent and be honest. I tried going to the local NA meeting and left in a panic- a very judgmental woman from my church was getting out of her car. Once I had time to think about it, I realized maybe we could help each other, but that is a big step for me to take. While I can keep it quiet and ANONYMOUS, I doubt she can because when I thought about it, she does yabber on a lot about everybody and make a lot of assumptions.
I have started a notebook where I am writing down my step work. It's slowly turning into a memoir, but while a lot of it is very painful, I think it is helping me to face up to it. I am going to order some materials from NA to help me. I do miss the human element, but that is what this board is for, right?
I did start taking an anti-depressant and it is helping a lot, I don't even have as much pain from my arthritic knees! I also alternate napoxen and Aleve to help with the pain. I'd hate to get addicted to a certain brand of these!
Thank everyone for being here. I will be here more often and do what I can to help!
What a great job you are doing!! Kudos from me and I hope you pat yourself on the back as well. :-)
As far as the NA meetings, maybe find another. There are also online meetings. Or, take a shot and go to your local one. Remember, if that woman talks about YOU being there, she would also have to explain being there HERSELF!! :-)
I am so glad you are working the steps. The work we need to do After we detox is so very, very important. In the year or so that I tapered off Oxycodone and then Xanax, I learned more about myself than all my previous years together. Tough way to have to finally learn about ME, but very glad I did.
Keep going strong. Your story inspires others fighting for sobriety.