I'm new to this board and I am at my wits end with a number of situations in my life and wondered if anyone would be able to offer advice or a similar experience or just help me feel a little less alone.
I have suffered with mental illness (depression, anxiety, ocd) since I was 13. At some points it has been manageable and others not so easy to control. I started to take Propain plus when I was 23, at first for headaches but then quickly became dependent on them for getting through work days and so on. I've had to find other tablets over the years after some have been discontinued but every single day for the last 6-7 years I have taken tablets, around 8-10 a day.
I lost my Dad 2 years ago very suddenly. He was a huge part of my life and a big support to me, my best friend in fact, and when he died my codeine intake increased. It helped numb real life which was and still is unbearable.
I am unemployed, looking for work, doing courses to improve my skills, going to therapy to help me get over my social anxieties but when I'm not doing this I hide away at home. I don't have any friends in my life and only see my mum and sister who really just think I'm there to do things for them as I always have been. They put pressure on me when I have other commitments and I'm not there to do favours or errands for them. My Mum is less selfish and actually wants me to better myself so I can have a life of my own and not just be an extra in the soap opera that is my sisters life but after losing my dad I have taken over a lot of what he did. He was always there for everyone and would drop anything when his family needed him and my sister especially is still in that mentally that when she says jump you say how high.
My Mum is severely depressed and completely lost without my Dad, as are all of us but it seems to be me that is being made to fill the void of him not being there.
I am very much feeling the pressure of everything on my shoulders at the moment. Desperately needing to find a job whilst trying not to let my anxiety and depression tip me over the edge. Trying to be there for my family but not wanting to be used and forget about what I'm trying to achieve to be able to live more independently from them.
I have tried a number of times to come off codeine but have found the withdrawal terrifying. The heart palpitations, the extreme muscle spasms, the headaches, the sicknesss and not being able to keep any food in. Going through it alone is really scary. I've mentioned it to my GP a number of times, at first I don't even think they took it seriously and hadn't even heard of the tablets I was taking, then they said don't worry about that now as they felt I had enough on my plate with losing my Dad and having treatment for anxiety and depression and as I was using it as a form of comfort and control it would be too much to take it away.
I'll be 30 very soon and I don't want to waste my life stuck on these tablets. I'm noticing problems with my digestion now, get terrible stomach cramps especially at night not to mention the money spent on keeping these tablets on the go and the frantic driving around pharmacies if I've run out.
Has anyone come out the other side of a codeine addiction? Did you have help or do it alone? How long do the withdrawals last?
I just feel like I can't keep going like this anymore.