HarleyBroCA

Well, I stumbled across this posting, but I had to respond. It really tore me up inside. I forget just how many people are suffering from pill addiction.

Since the age of 14 (now 33), I have been an addict. Specifically, I am a sex addict, drug addict (favorites: speed, pain killers, tranquilizers), compulisive spender, caffiene, and sugar addict. I also suffer from ADD--big time. Thankfully, it is known that people with ADD self-medicate, so I don't feel like a total loser about it all the time. Sadly, I just found out about it all in the last couple years.

I, too, started with legitimate pain--in the beginning. Then, they were legitmate off and on. But, when they weren't, I found a way to get pills. I would take something to get up, to stay up, to get through the rough spots, and to get to sleep at night. I had bottles of pills. I took a pain pill (or two), like a vitamin in the morning--just to start the day off ok. I didn't necessarily need it, or even have pain. It was comforting. It was easy. It was right.

I also went through drug treatment when I was 21. Once an addict, always an addict. It isn't always physical either. Mental/emotional addiction is the toughest addiction. Chronic pain sufferers go through tremendous emotional high and lows 24/7. Chronic pain sucks. The doctor prescribes the pills for physical pain, but the patient gets hooked on them for the emotional well-being too. Thank god, I used to work in a doctors office for years. I stole meds all the time, and if I couldn't do that, I called in my own prescriptions. It is so sad, now that I look back on my life that I am hating so much right now.

Luckly, after losing everything in my life over the last few months, I finally took myself from a place of justification & denial to one of recover. I knew that I, once again, had a major problem. It just took everything falling apart to do something about it. I am finally off all of my pills. I don't take pain killers, tranquilers, muscle relaxers, or any other crap anymore. I went cold turkey. It was really, really hard. It still is. I crave Vicodin ALL THE TIME. My mouth waters for it. I love pain-killers, and I always will. It is a bad, bad place to go. All of it has all destroyed my life. Most people live in shame, denial, and isolation about their use for years, if not forever. If you can, don't go there. Find another solution. If you truly, in your heart of hearts, can't do ANYTHING else, then just go in knowing that you will come out an addict. Many will tell you that isn't true. DON'T BELIVE IT! I KNOW! I am 33 years KNOWING and it is NO JOKE. There are so many people living in denial & addictions today, so when someone discounts your thoughts and feelings around it, don't get sucked into their sickness. Good luck my friend...

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