till death do us part - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Lucis · 08-27-2002, 11:27 AM

My husband is a recovering crack addict, 9 months clean. He was getting better, I was getting worse. The more solid he seemed, the less I trusted anything about him. He says that I have a post-traumatic type anger. We went to a therapist but I walked out in anger, too hard to discuss something so personal, face to face with a stranger. I made a decision yesterday. Happiness is a choice, not a condition. I took a vow, made a promise and i mean to stick to it. This has been the MOST difficult time of my life but it WILL pass. If the love is there, the trust will come back in time. I would love to hear from someone who stuck it out and has no regrets.

Geneva · 08-27-2002, 12:44 PM

Lucis
I hope someone responds with a positive answer.

My husband is addicted to crack too. He had 11 months clean till a week ago. Now we are back to day 6. He actually was on his way to an NA meeting (goes nearly everyday) kissed me goodbye, said he loved me and then made a wrong turn along the way and ended up at his dealer's house.

This will be my life if I stay with him...Clean time then out again...I can't do it anymore. Love is not enough. I became a raving lunatic today and decided that I must let this man, who I have been with for 22 years and raised kids with, GO. If I don't I will be the truly sick one.

If my husband cannot beat this drug then I believe no one can. Sooner or later all crack addicts use again.

Alanon has helped me but it cannot take away the reality or stop my pain. It can help you deal with it and accept it.

Sorry to be such a downer. I truly hope your reality is better than mine and that somehow you find a happy ending.

Lucis · 08-27-2002, 12:54 PM

Geneva,

Jesus, I am so truly sorry for you. Now I know why you haven't posted for 6 days.

Lucis

[Please do not post telephone numbers or other personal contact details here.....Thanks, mod3]

[This message has been edited by moderator3 (edited 08-28-2002).]

mydog8mybrain · 08-29-2002, 05:49 PM

OK - If you have to cut bait (yow! 22 years!) and go your own way remember one thing: Even though it is going to hurt like crazy and be an ugly and unadulterated mess thigs CAN be OK. Both for you AND him. I mean, sometimes the ticket we get to a new life is paid for with pain. Same for our loved ones.

Your heart knows what to do. If you mind needs a little time to catch up then so be it.

Good luck

------------------
Be nice to your kids.... They will choose your nursing home.

Geneva · 09-01-2002, 12:55 PM

Sorry I just need to vent...

My husband "went out" again yesterday.

Blamed me!!! Said my desire to take over all the money was selfish and unrealistic and he would just show me! What? Now the bank account is 0...and just exactly what is he showing me? That "duh" I had better take over the finances or that he simply is totally nuts.

My biggest fear is that he will seizure or have a heart attack. I am sure the people he uses with would not call for help but would just dump his body..I freaked out about that and thought for sure he was dead somewhere. The pain, the fear, the not knowing I am going crazy. The man is not young..56..
started at 53. Can you believe this midlife crisis? Couldn't he have just bought a red corvette?

He was such a good man...honest the best. And now I just don't know him...he lies...lies and lies...

Is anyone trying to come up with something that will cure the cravings? Are there researchers working on this? Surely there would be money in it for someone to come up with an answer.

Is it totally hopeless...I know the answer. I knew it the day he told me is was using...Hopeless YES...he loves the stuff...Euphoria he said...who wants to give that up?

I keep saying I can't take it anyomore and I want out..Why am I still here...why can't I just stop loving the jerk and move on..

Thanks for letting me vent

Geneva