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Old 04-10-2003, 11:31 AM   #1
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lane71501 HB User
Post need advice

hey y'all
ok, here i am again needing advice. quick overview...husband went to detox abt a month ago, got out, is taking hydros and drinking again. last night confesses to me all this plus that he's totally depressed and feels hopeless. because of my own problems with alcohol (i'm doing pretty good today!), i don't feel i can offer him any really meaningful advice except to call his psych, get on neurontin(he was supposed to after getting out of detox) to cut cravings and get a good antidepressant. i offered to come pick him up on my way to my meeting (which is after work). this morning his sister calls all worried about him and plants the seed in my head about possible having suicidal thoughts?!? So i leave work during lunch to go check on him. he's not home (could be good, could be bad). his rehab brochure is on the couch, i hit redial to see who the last person called was ( my Father in law) and left him a message to call me back at my office. by this time i had to come back to work, but now i'm eaten up with worry.....please write back!!!!!!
lane

 
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Old 04-10-2003, 12:27 PM   #2
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chippie HB User
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First of all, take a deep breath! It's ok to worry, he is your husband. And oh lane lane lane, he's a grown up. He needs to get his stuff together and you can't do it for him and I know you know this. If you are truly concerned that suicide is a possibility, call the police, tell them the story and have them look. Call your father in law and see if he knows where DH is and, if your employer is cool with it, go home to get your own head together, find a meeting if need be. I hope hope hope that all is well. Get his dumb butt to come to this support group. Maybe he'll listen to us.
Lots of love and prayers,
Bec

 
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Old 04-10-2003, 01:15 PM   #3
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GinaLee HB User
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Lane, Chipples said it best. Deep breaths and no alcohol.

Put you first today. okay?

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*Gina*
Pay attention to the needs of a loved one, no matter how troublesome.
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Old 04-10-2003, 02:19 PM   #4
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Join Date: Mar 2003
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lane71501 HB User
Talking

thanks y'all.
he did call me. got script filled, went to meeting and wants me to pick him up for another in about 30 minutes. the rest of my day has gone quite well. very busy! i just think about what my old sponsor wrote in my book a year ago...if you suit up & show up, your life will change. that's what's important to me now. hugs to you all! chippie, loved your post about who am i? made me think about how many roles i am playing, wife, mom, employee. my problem is like where do these roles end and the real me begin? also i really struggle with the approval thing being my own judgement of my self worth. ok, enough of this. too depressing. what you wrote helped!
gina bolina,
thanks girl!!!! i'm outta here for the day. will try to get on tomorrow!~

 
Old 04-10-2003, 02:36 PM   #5
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StacyVictor HB User
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Dear Lane, I feel so bad for you, I how you feel. I used to worry all the time about my husband too, but you have to realize that he is an adult, he makes his own decisions and you cannot let him ruin your life! I know how hard it is to let go, but you have too for your own sanity! That doesn't mean that you have to leave him, but you have to take care of yourself. I too worried about my husband's prescription drug abuse, I finally told him that I just couldn't take it any more and he had to move out. A month later he was dead of an overdose. I know now that there was nothing I could do to save him. If I would have stayed with him I probably would have found him dead in my bed instead of somebody elses! You have to think about you. It is wonderful to be supportive and loving for your spouse but not at the expense of your sanity. At some point you have to realize that no matter how much you love your husband, he is going to do what he wants to do and there is nothing that you can do to stop him. I know that what I have said probably isn't very helpful and I am sorry for that, but I just hate to see you go through what you are going through. You can't save him. You can only save yourself! Please take care and I'll pray for you. Hang in there!

Stacy
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Old 04-10-2003, 07:41 PM   #6
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chippie HB User
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You keep your chin up laney lane. With all of our good vibes coming your way, things will get better.

Stacy, you are amazing. I am proud of you.

 
Old 04-11-2003, 07:35 AM   #7
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Join Date: Mar 2003
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lane71501 HB User
Talking

hey!
last night was great. met with my husband and went to meeting. he got a sponsor and actually went to 3 yesterday. he is meeting me tonight after work too! i am soooo proud of him. yes, i know both of us have a lot of work to do individually, but today i am really glad to actually see the supportive and loving man i married again! i hope everyone's day is going well. i have my 15th high school reunion dinner tomorrow night at t-bonz so that is going to really test me. i'm kind of nervous but i know if it gets too much, i can leave and call someone. this is a really good feeling for me. at the same time it is hard for me to understand that as self sufficient as i think i am, i really am not.
for cute laughs this morning, my 22 month old said "'ave a good day mama" when i dropped him off this morning. too funny.

 
Old 04-11-2003, 08:28 AM   #8
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chippie HB User
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Lane that's awesome. I am happy for you and hope hope with all my heart that he contiunues, for his sake and yours.

 
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