Hey there my father has been pressing me to get diagnosed so I can take meds and function properly. Doctor wont refer me as everytime i go they only see you for 5-10 mins and i appear normal enough etc.
All I want is to see psychiatrist and not bloody GP who are basically low feeding doctors, the dunders of docs who are 9-5ers and not speciality on their backs.
I always thought I was just me and the way I am is because of personality but reading through what others say I have to say cripes I am a BP person.
IF it were past we would all be arty farty types who could be regarded as eccentric and live off our excessive personalities. But nowadays we are not fitted into a little box of BP. I enjoy being me but must admit that I can not get by when out with the NORMALS. I am happy to be me as long as I can be alone or with others who enjoy who I am, but it is just that conforming is not my thing. Why should I really? Are we sane and the rest of the world completely mad, possibly?
Anyway I do have aspects of this so called BP which are disturbing such as if I am really tired and moving, either by car or walking I get peripheral (I think this is correct world) often at teh side of my eyes or moving past me either front or side ways but mostly at corner of my eye hallucinations. For a second or two I will think a rock or wood or object is in fact an animal. When driving there will be momentarliy people standing at side of the road and when you glance again they are gone. Bit scary! I will see people or shape of people out of corner of my eye at times when I am alone at home and there is nobody else in room and it can make me jump at times. I often get taste and sometimes tactile sensations. Where aromas will waft up and they come from nowhere, which is always pleasant ones (nothign gross) flowers or sometimes tabacco or something a rather (and no I do'nt smoke').
I have suffered from hypersexuality in past which has impacted on almost all my relationships for the worst. I have had affairs even when not wanting to and such things, my rational mind often out the window, becoming obsessed with men who were not at all right for me and having no willpower to stop. I can't work due to fact I can't do 9-5 it is too much mentally for me to cope with, which is one sign not all is right with me. I find it really hard to interact with adults for long period of time. I find it difficult to read people, their facial expressions and reactions and often reply to people in a nonsensical way. this isn't all the time but obviously some days worse than others. I can go from high functioning to wanting to live like a hermit crab. All within same week. And yes as I said before the world of cinema often lives in my head complete with soundtrack. I could retreat into my own world and be completely happy but I have small children reliant on me so have to somehow learn to live like the "normals." I find it very hard to have adult relationships, especially with opposite sex and that is why marriage isn't working for me. Which is devastating. It is my husband who has bought me to conclusion that i need help and treatment because he says he cant predict anything with me my moods all over shot. he says often he gets embarressed in front of other people. I can't control my mouth or mood. I can go from Queenly and dignified to white trailer trash in an afternoon. I know that myself. I often can't cope with stress and try and hide from it, often opting out of thigns nad then over committing myself to somethign else, can't say no but really need to. I am at times grandiose and then almost non functioning. Often hate talking to people can't face them. As others have said here, it is really hard to even communicate and I over read or under read people. I get paranoid and then at times think I am Mother theresa and end up letting people walk all over me instead of being hard and firm.
And the worst thing is I always deny to myself that there is anything wrong with me..........when the truth is out there.....as I have just outlined!
Would like some feedback. Thanks for reading.