48 and feeling just terrible - Aging Issues Message Board

LadyV · 07-21-2003, 08:40 PM

Ok. I hope you people don't think that I am vain or snooty or anything.....but I need someplace to turn about this. Up until 4 years ago when I remarried for the 4th time (Yes, I finally found a fantastic loving "loyal" man) I was the lead vocalist for a very locally successful alternative rock band within the Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio area (I have been in bands since the age of 13)....It was easy for me as I looked in my early 20's throughout my late 30s...well, I quit the band when I remarried, not due to my marriage but due to that fact that I couldn't work all day and still set up equipment, play till 2 and 3 in the morning and get up to work anymore...plus I am now very happily married and just want to be with DH....BUT I look at myself and even though people tell me they can't believe I am 48 years old..."I see it" I'm seeing lines that were never there and I'm gaining weight....(I have started on Sugar Busters) I'm feeling old and used up...I miss my music, yet I don't really want to put all that time into it anymore. I'm just feeling awful, tired and old! My knees hurt....my breast are falling (I have nursed 3 children and still had nice breast but now they are beginning to fall) DH thinks I am beautiful and says it's just me.....but it's not!! If he ever breaks those rose colored glasses....I'm in deep chit!!! I'm having real trouble dealing with this!

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You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because your all the same.

[This message has been edited by LadyV (edited 07-21-2003).]

Golden Girl · 07-22-2003, 04:49 PM

Lady V-
This is how I am trying to look at things-maybe this will help. I've always read that men do not critique us the way we ourselves do. The thing that may bother me most no one else ever notices. I am very self-conscious because I have acne but when I mention it to other people they just look at me strange and say I can't tell that you do.

On a show about plastic surgery there was a lady in her 50's-very attractive, great figure-the only thing that I could see that would help her appearance was to cut her hair because it was so thick and was overwhelming. She chose to have a cheek implant which after it was done you couldn't really tell much of a differance. I look at larger women than myself and think they look better than me. It's all in how you perceive yourself.

Ask some of your friends what it is they do not like about themselves and it's probably something you've never noticed.

BarbaraH · 07-24-2003, 10:00 AM

Hi, LadyV,

I'm 52 and my metabolism came to a screeching halt, and I've gained weight, too. It's a bummer!! My DH of 31 years says I'm still beautiful, but I can't believe it!! I have lupus and arthritis, too. I think we're finding out why it's said that getting old ain't for sissies!

I used to live in Louisville (loved it!) and suggest you find a church choir or city chorus to sing with. You'd have practices, but probably no responsibility for time consuming equipment set-up and take-down. That might give you the boost you need. Maybe your husband would join you!

Visit Home Made Pies and Ice Cream on Bardstown Rd. for me!!

Peace - Barbara

susiejb · 07-29-2003, 05:43 PM

It's really odd that I'm reading this at this moment. I have a girlfriend whom I've known for 25 years. We were roommates for years, and she was always singing & playing guitar in a band. She moved to Nashville years ago to try and make it as a country music singer, but it didn't pan out, partly because she married a jerk who was jealous of her music. After 13 yrs in Nashville and a divorce, she moved back to Cincinnati about 5 years ago.

A mutual friend had a party this past Saturday, and I talked my singing friend (who hadn't picked up a guitar in over 6 yrs) into bringing her guitar & singing at the party. She did and it was just like old times and she had so much fun. It was like riding a bike for her.

I just got off the phone with her 10 minutes ago. She began guitar lessons this evening and wants me to meet her at this restaurant/bar down the street because she wants to sing kareoke! She has found herself again. I'll talk to y'all later, I'm getting ready to head out the door to see my best friend sing!

3tbear · 08-04-2003, 07:04 PM

If your man loves you, he'll love you no matter what happens to your body. I know what you mean about things sagging, everything is starting to go South. I'm 52, look 35, at least I look younger, but I feel older with all these changes in my body. My husband thinks I look great, but as you say, I can see the lines forming around the eyes, and things sagging where they didn't sag before. We either have to learn to live with it or have cosmetic surgery. I'm a great believer in that, if only I had the money. Nothing major for me though, just a nip and tuck here and there would be enough. Doctors actually do cheek lift operations now, kind of like a face lift, but not as drastic, just that part of the face. Now that I wouldn't mind. Hang in there LadyV, just remember, you're not alone in this age thing.

[This message has been edited by 3tbear (edited 08-04-2003).]