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Old 08-15-2003, 08:56 PM   #1
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Post What have you learned from your life?

What life lessons have you picked up throughout life? Was there anything that you would change? Was there anything you're happy you did? Are there still things about life that you are striving to know?

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Old 08-16-2003, 06:02 PM   #2
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What life lessons have you picked up throughout life? Was there anything that you would change? Was there anything you're happy you did? Are there still things about life that you are striving to know?

I'm 59 and unlike many others I'm glad I raised heck
when I had the chance . LOL Of Course there's a lot of things I would change but a lot I wouldn't .
I've had much more than my share of fun and I'm glad about that. I'm so lucky I got to marry two unique individuals , both with differing things to offer. That taught me just because a smart man says something 100 times doesn't mean it's true.
Far as striving to know stuff? Na; just
mild curiosity.
I guess the main lesson I learned was to realize the importance of being a good parent and be the best that you can be because those childrens' lives will affect your life for as long as you're alive!! If you think you can sail thru parenting without trying and without consequences you're mistaken. All "sins" come back to haunt you , eventually.
Why do you ask?



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Old 08-17-2003, 12:34 PM   #3
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We have a short time to enjoy the beauty God provided for us and also to do the things God has planned for us.

Life is here now and then gone in a "puff". Seeing both my parents die this spring really reminded me as to how quick "life" can exit from your body.

Take each day at a time and make the most of it, there is no turning back.


 
Old 08-17-2003, 01:26 PM   #4
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Life lessons for me:...always move towards love.........live in the present moment because God is there........take more risks.....love yourself

 
Old 09-03-2003, 11:27 PM   #5
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Thanks all for responding. As I go through life, I'm always worried about keeping on the right track. I think I think about my life too much, for starters, and thoughts of death come in to mind sometimes and shake me up a bit. I'd like to find time to help others, or find my purpose in life. I get anxious and sometimes nervous about the future, afraid that I'm not doing something now that I may regret later, like hanging out with my little sis--I think, one day, will she hate me because I "left" her when I transfered to college, and didn't spend time with her? Things like that, like for example I'm kinda quiet and I don't want to regret later that I didn't open up to people. thank god for my boyfriend who is my best friend, but I sometimes wish I had more friends, or had the guts to go out and make them, or maybe all you need in life is one good one? Isn't it true that good friends are hard to find? Or is that not an excuse to keep looking for them anyway? I fear greatly about offending people, especially when I don't know that I am, i.e. keeping quiet in a room full of people may say "I'm better than all of you". Finally, I worry that I may be obsesed with my looks. I grew up with messed-up teeth and didn't want to talk. I got them straightened but I'm missing a front tooth, leaving a pinky-sized gap in the front of my mouth. So I still don't like to talk much when I'm outside (I force myself when I'm with my boyfriend), and I don't smile and hate to talk because I have to repeat myself. I'm afraid that I'm loosing out and that everyone's got something they're not happy with... or that maybe I should do what I can (get a tooth implant) to look my best so I could feel more confident about myself... then I start thinking that maybe looks are superficial and it's all how I feel about myself.

Whew! That's a lot to reply to, but that's why I made this post, that's why I find myself hanging out in discussions for people who could be my parents. Thanks to all of you for sharing
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Old 09-04-2003, 05:59 AM   #6
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You do have a lot of questions, I will try to answer some based on my own life experiences.

Appearance - no, you are not obsessed, only normal, we all want to look our best. Most of the things that we obsess about other people don't even notice, or might think they are cute. My husband was missing one tooth and had one that was undersized, it really bothered him a lot, I didn't even notice it. He had one bridge put in and the others were bonded and now he has even teeth. It didn't matter to me, I really didn't focus on his teeth but it gave him a sense of self confidence. Mine own personal cross to bear was freckles, I still have them they just don't bother me any more. Some people think freckles are cute - not if you are the one that has them. When I was in jr. high school I never wore anything long sleeved, didn't want my freckles to show, since I lived in Alabama this meant I sweated a lot all because I hated my freckles. ***As I have gotten older the things I used to worry about seem trivial now, but not when I was young.

Shyness, some people are born to talk and some aren't. I like to talk but one of the best ways to get to know people is ask them about themselves, all of us (well, most of us) like to talk about ourselves and this takes the pressure off of you as to what to talk about.

Friends - I don't think you can have too many friends, over the years some of mine have remained constant, others have come and gone. The friends I made where I worked were sometimes lost when one of us changed jobs and we just lost touch. The best friends are the ones that stay around for years, this doesn't mean we talk to each other everyday, we have gone through cycles. When we were young and dating, some of us double-dated, then we got married and had children and couldn't afford a babysitter so we all got together and played cards. As the years passed, the children started playing ball and doing things that required us to focus on our children, now we have come full circle. Most of the children are married and have children of their own. Some people changed, or I changed and no longer related to what they believed in or their lifestyle. Our longest and dearest friends consist of four couples, we have mutual friends that we meet through our closest friends. As the years have passed I now count my sisters among my best friends.

 
Old 09-04-2003, 10:09 PM   #7
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Thanks so much for your response. That's funny that you never really noticed his gap--do you say that because you've grown to love him? Because my b/f says the same thing, even when we were just dating for a month. That I don't get... I guess it's just something with me, but it's also the reactions I get from people that show they feel uncomfortable seeing me speak. Sometimes I think "f-ck 'em", but other times I think that smiling is supposed to be something pleasant.
But that's great that you overcame your own insecurity and have great friends
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Old 09-05-2003, 03:20 PM   #8
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Sweety B, actually when I first met him, I thought the gap was cute, didn't detract from his appearance to me, but it bothered him a lot. If the defect is with us we tend to think other people are focusing on it, they most likely don't think much at all about the supposed defect.

If you can afford to get your teeth fixed by all means do it!!! The self confidence you will feel has no dollar value attached to it. Sometimes dentis will let you make payments. I know our orthodontis did, both of our children needed braces and were close in age. Long ago I decided that if there is anything cosmetic I could fix that I would do it, I don't mean plastic surgery, but if I was terribley ashamed of my nose I would try to have it fixed. Now it would be getting rid of my wrinkles that years of sunning gave me.

No matter what our age, we always have issues. My Grandmother was 93 or 94 and living in a nursing home, she called my mother and wanted her to bring tweezers.
I couldn't imagine what Grandmother wanted with tweezers at her age, so I asked. My mother told me she liked to have the hairs on her chin plucked at all times and had lost her tweezers. Vanity has no shame or age limit.

I spent many years going to movies that I couldn't see because I didn't have contacts, can't believe I did that but wearing my glasses made me feel unattractive.

 
Old 09-06-2003, 08:41 PM   #9
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I am satisfied.

I have noticed that many people are unhappy because of some small percieved flaw in their body. Too small breasts, too large breasts, too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, they become obsessed with the flaw or imperfection and let it control their life.


Life is too short to worry over such things, do you best all the time & don't worry.

G

 
Old 09-11-2003, 04:58 PM   #10
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Interesting questions requiring some thought. I've learned not to sweat the small stuff and discovered that almost everything is small stuff. I've learned that I like myself just the way I am and accept both the good and bad within me. I've learned that honesty is always the best policy and to be otherwise is just too hard on me. I sometimes think that perhaps I should have tried harder to make a go of my first marriage because I missed out on a lot of my kids growing up years that I can not ever get back. But I don't really know if I could have. I got married too young and should have sown my wild oats before rather than after my marriage...which led to my second marriage where I have done better. I learned that yes I did make mistakes, but there's nothing that I can do now to change that except to learn from my mistakes, and I have. I've learned that yesterday is gone, tomorrow may only be a dream, and today is really all I have...right now, this minute. I try not to waste time because I don't know how much time I've got left. But I don't always suceed and I don't beat myself up about it. Since being told I had a 5 year life expectancy about 7 years ago, I've learned to cherish each day, each hour, each minute I'm given in relatively good health, and not to take anything or anyone for granted. Here is a quote from a former friend and co-worker who was diagnosed with the same type of cancer as I was. I never forget it and it's pretty much what I live by:
"Every day is a good day, and when the bad days come I'll deal with them."

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Old 09-18-2003, 08:37 PM   #11
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Thanks rayjj,

That's a refreshing outlook on life, and a nice quote too. Puts everything in perspective. I wish my dad had the same outlook. He's 51 and panics every single day. He says he's afraid he'll "die in his sleep" from all of his worrying. He has a lot of money problems and for the longest time my mother has been bringing home the bacon. Luckily, I've been financially independent for a while. His brother (who he never grew up with) died in his 50's some years ago from a kidney disease. He has that same trait so I can see why he could be scared.

You're a father. What did it take for you to finally be ok with the cancer in your body? What kind of cancer is it? And how do you talk to your own kids about it (knowing they probably should be checked themselves if they have this certain gene?)

I find myself feeling real bad for this man I once hated. Now everytime we're near he's talking to me about what's going on in his life. I was in the ER 2 days ago for a stomach flu and he drove the 50mi through rush-hour traffic to see me (even then, he was telling me stories after stories about his day *headache* lol).

How do you like your kids to comfort you? Do you need comforting?

And congrats on your positive outlook! It's a real inspiration!
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Old 09-19-2003, 12:55 PM   #12
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It's unfortunate that people do often judge others initially from ******d appearances. Beauty is a cultural thing too, you know. In some societies women who are "heavy" are viewed as beautiful. Look at some of the countries where the women have bones piercing their noses to be beautiful and "in style".
I was always extremely self conscious about my breast size. It did, in fact, interfere with my ability to socialize with my peers, especially boys. Now my husband did not find it to be too much of a problem, but when I was older and could afford it I had the augmentation surgery. My mother thought I was being foolish (easy for her 36D self to say). But I remember my grandfather's words of wisdom. It wasn't what I expected from him, but he told my mother, "Let her go, if it makes her feel better about herself then it is a good thing." I did feel better for years, and I don't regret it, although now when everything is going south, the boobs are just where the surgeon put them.
But the breasts don't define who I am. I have found that the most unattractive people really are beautiful. As some of the above posters have said, when you get to know somebody well you don't even see their perceived flaws. But if the tooth bothers you get it fixed.

Monday1954

I had to smile when you mentioned the tweezers. I told my daughter that the biggest thing I fear about going into a nursing home someday is that the aides won't have the time and inclination to shave the beard I just know I'll have by then.

 
Old 09-19-2003, 12:57 PM   #13
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It's unfortunate that people do often judge others initially from ******d appearances. Beauty is a cultural thing too, you know. In some societies women who are "heavy" are viewed as beautiful. Look at some of the countries where the women have bones piercing their noses to be beautiful and "in style".
I was always extremely self conscious about my breast size. It did, in fact, interfere with my ability to socialize with my peers, especially boys. Now my husband did not find it to be too much of a problem, but when I was older and could afford it I had the augmentation surgery. My mother thought I was being foolish (easy for her 36D self to say). But I remember my grandfather's words of wisdom. It wasn't what I expected from him, but he told my mother, "Let her go, if it makes her feel better about herself then it is a good thing." I did feel better for years, and I don't regret it, although now when everything is going south, the boobs are just where the surgeon put them.
But the breasts don't define who I am. I have found that the most unattractive people really are beautiful. As some of the above posters have said, when you get to know somebody well you don't even see their perceived flaws. But if the tooth bothers you get it fixed.

Monday1954

I had to smile when you mentioned the tweezers. I told my daughter that the biggest thing I fear about going into a nursing home someday is that the aides won't have the time and inclination to shave the beard I just know I'll have by then.

 
Old 12-17-2004, 05:27 PM   #14
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Re: What have you learned from your life?

What I've learned from my life is about the only good thing there is about getting old heh. The rest of it all sucks

All kidding aside tho, I've learned that everything is about perception. Everything, e v e r y t h i n g !

Your perception is the one that counts because it affects every single moment and aspect of your existence.

Are you old? Are you rich? Are you poor? Are you good looking? Are you healthy? Are you sick? Are you happy? Are you successful?

Ask what defines each of these qualities and you may get a thousand different answers. Ask who is and who is not all of the above and different people will see themselves or others differently. It is all based on your perception. Your perception can be formed by many different factors ranging from the part of your behaviors and attitudes that are passed to you by genetics, environment, experiences etc......
but the one thing that is always a constant fact about your perception is that you own it. You may have chosen not to control it, or take responsibility for it, but it is still in your control and you are responsible for it whether you own up to it or not.

This is an extremely important lesson in life. It puts you in the driver's seat of your happiness and your destiny no matter what curves that life may throw at you. Every single one of us makes the daily choice to be happy or not to be happy, to dwell on being sick or to push it aside and live the day to the best possible outcome we can muster for it. We choose whether our lives will be full or empty, rewarding or disheartening, a thing to be cherished or a thing to be discarded of our own free will.

Nobody chooses our perceptions for us, and our perception of every event, second or molecule that exists in our own world is the only thing that affects the outcome of our existence in it.

How else could one ever explain how one person gets cancer and shines a light for the healthy world to follow by their bravery and commitment to make each second count with their good works, while another person sinks into misery and despair? Or how one abused person suffers horrible injustices only to grow into a beautiful work of human art while another who suffered the same fate becomes warped and disfigured by it. How one person who has nothing at all for personal belongings but gives so much of themselves to others that they see themselves as rich beyond measure.

It is not about the events, the hardships, the victories or failures that each of us faces......in the big scheme of things these occurences are not what shapes us into who we are, it is only our perception of ourselves in relation to all of those occurences that matters.

Think of the power in that. Every single one of us has the total power to make or break our own existences simply by how we choose to view the world and our relevance in it.

Brilliance is the ability to know this fact. Brilliance is the light that shines out from every person who embraces this knowledge and lives it.

People who know this are naturally drawn toward each other. I surround myself in long term friendships with people who live this way. These people make me stronger, the opposite type of person drains me like a psychic vampire, but I always hope to somehow show them the light and bring them to it by making them ask " how does she smile no matter how hard it gets?" I dont say much to the other kind. They dont like to hear that it's all within their control, but I love them too so I try to just be a quiet friend from a distance and hopefully some day they will figure it out in their own time.

Now, that was the easy question, What have you learned in your life. The hard one is why? Why do we live?

I do not have that answer. It baffles me. I do not know why we do this life. Many people say we come to life to learn lessons, to make ourselves better souls. I have trouble with that one because I am from the belief that we are all perfect souls, perfect and whole in every way, all of us becoming from many drops that form a single lake, and when we die in this life we will go back to being the lake and cease to be the individual drop. But why did we come in the first place? Why would we separate out and suffer life's lessons if we are all perfection when we are one?

*sigh* Another bad part about being old .....you slow down enough, occasionally dropping from the frantic pace of life long enough to ask why, and that big question can be a haunt. Why?

 
Old 12-20-2004, 11:47 AM   #15
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Re: What have you learned from your life?

I've learned not to trust anyone too soon or too completely. The one person I though I could trust without question, turned out to just be steering me to the way that would make her happy. She didn't care how I felt.

 
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