Alone, almost 50, My Teenagers ignore me, Never spend time with me anymore. - Aging Issues Message Board

Daisy · 06-19-2003, 04:02 PM

For some time now, I'm not certain how to relate to my boys, both teens. They never want to go anywhere I suggest, never want to go anywhere with me anymore. If I am upstairs, they go down, if I go into the living room and watch tv with them, after a short while, they go to their rooms.

I remember when I was fun for them to be around. Now I am a drag on them. I feel so sad about all of this. Its been going on for a year or so, but now I feel isolated from them.

I have a great marriage. But, the boys never want to do anything with us or go anywhere.

Very bummed out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

reneeintx · 06-19-2003, 04:31 PM

Hi Daisy~

I experience the same thing. My boys 16& 17 never do anything with me or my husband. So me and my husband go to waterparks, zoo's, museum's with out them..Oh well. We used to plead them to go with us but noooo..they always have something more important to do.

I think back to when I was a teenager. I didn't want anything to do with my parents. I loved it when they went out of town. It was a vacation for me when they were gone. I guess my kids feel the same way.

My husband says as they get older they will become closer to us again. I hope so. You know what happens when you have sons and no daughters. When they get married they spend more time at the wife's parent's house

A little saying I heard..A son's a son til he marries a wife..a daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life.

Don't get me wrong I love my son's but my heart aches not having a daughter.

Renee

BTW~occasionally they will watch a video with my husband..shootem'up movies that I could care less about

annie7 · 06-19-2003, 08:59 PM

They could be cutting the apron strings so to speak. The best thing that you can do for your sons is love your husband.

jagatv · 06-28-2003, 08:22 PM

This is normal for kids, especially boys. You have to practice "acceptance" with this and as someone else said, this is a time to become closer with your spouse. He is the one you grow old with and spend your days with, not your children. I have a daughter and we are very close, but she still demands her space and I have to respect it. I definitely see a difference between daughters and sons, but they will change when they develop relationships and perhaps marriages , and you will have a new type of closeness, especially if you get along with their significant others.

Daisy · 06-29-2003, 02:46 PM

The easiest thing to do is love my husband. The hardest thing to do is to "let go" of my sons. The one that 16 is nicer than he used to be a year ago. The 21 year old, can't hold a job more than a month and that is IF he's working. I bought him a mobile home, small, to have a roof over his head, and unfortunately paid the bills for a year, yessssssssssssssss a year, ugh! Now he must pay his own way or have no electricity.

That is hard to watch. Being codependent no more is very hard to do. Especially when I have the financial means to help him. What I have done is prolonged him taking responsibility for himself. I thought I was helping. I was hurting instead. Bummer.

I can't imagine why a handsome young 21 year old boy, smart, with a car wouldn't want to work. He tried college, but never woke up in time for class. Everything he does seems to be a failure. His SAT scores were among the highest! He has been in neutral since high school, graduated 2000.

Oh MY!