Just found stolen goods, 16 yo son, How to discipline now? - Aging Issues Message Board

Daisy · 07-30-2003, 10:57 AM

I'm tired. At 48, somedays I feel 78 but most days I feel pretty decent. I have narcolepsy, so like is a struggle.

I'm tired of dealing with my son, he is polite, yet sneaky and untrustworthy. I just found some nice stereo and amp he ripped out of a car down the street! He didn't like the kid and accuses the boy of stealing his skateboard. This is how he gets back at him.

I want to make him return it to them, however I fear they may call the police. Also, this boy is very large and black, we are white, I don't want to make this a racial issue or cause the kids to gang up on my son at school. (they did this to my nephew last year)

I'm tired of talking, lectures... grounding. How do I impress upon him the good values and morals I have always lived and taught my kids?

Please, any advice would be so appreciated.
Daisy

Monday1954 · 07-30-2003, 01:16 PM

Daisy, this is probably not what you want to hear,
but the police might be the solution to your
problem, let your son suffer the consequence of
his stealing. I know you don't want him to go
to jail, but given his young age and no prior
records the court will most likely order some
sort of group or some sort of boot camp. This
could be the answer, if he continues on the
path he is starting he could end up in prison
someday and that would be really bad.

Don't make idle threats to him that you have
no intention of following through on, kids
figure this out really quick - whatever you
decide to do, don't tell him until you are sure
you can follow through. Good Luck.

Daisy · 07-30-2003, 01:29 PM

I've thought of this and I don't think I can do it. I was thinking maybe he should go with me to the people's front door and return the merchandise.

Then, if they want to prosecute, they can call the cops. And he can then have those consequences. I can't do it. But if he stole from me I certainly would and he knows it.

I'm not strong enough to report this myself. My husband is very upset and won't even talk to my son now. He's just ruminating on this whole thing.

Do you think facing the people is a good answer?
d

07-30-2003, 05:30 PM

Daisy....I really hope you will decide to turn you son in. Theft is a big offense...and this is blunt...but if you don't and he doesn't have any punishment or lesson , he may do something next time that puts his life in danger.
This is minor compared to your situation...but my son NEVER got into trouble and his last week of his senior year in high school...he decided to go with classmates to vandalize the school....as far as I know..his involvement wasn't as serious as some...(toilet paper was his weapon..ha)..BUT...my husband is the ELEMENTARY principal in the district of this small town...you would think my son would know better..ANYWAY I had a hunch he was involved so I confronted him..he told me the truth...and my husband reported him to the school officials....who in turn reported it to the police. He did a counselling thing instead of a police record thank goodness...but it was soooooo hard to do that...but he certainly knows he will not get away with things in this household..(and hasn't tried to either).

If you don't turn him in...please get him counselling. He may seem to hate you for it...but you'll be a true blessing in his life for his future.

Prayers are with you...

susiejb · 07-31-2003, 03:46 AM

Daisy, my son, now 14, went on a 2-yr stealing spree. He stole money out of our wallets, change out of people's change jars, pocketed small items from people's houses, thought nothing of it and would lie about it. I would make him return the items, face his victims and apologize. He had become a Kleptomaniac!

The last straw was when we had dinner at my best friend's house last year and my son stole her fiance's $300 watch from the upstairs bedroom. When I heard it was missing the next day, I searched his bedroom and discovered the watch. He returned it and apologized, and he was lectured and put to work for 3 Sundays as punishment by my friend's fiance.

That week my nephew suggested I call his girfriend's brother, a 6-ft, 250-lb. local police officer who has a passion for helping kids headed down the wrong path. When that fully-uniformed cop pulled into our driveway in his police car and came to the door donning his billyclub and gun, my son turned white. The cop lectured him sternly on the repercussions of stealing, such as juvey hall and jail, and convinced him that next time he steals he will personally arrest him, take him to juvenile hall and make sure he goes to jail. My son hid his face and began crying uncontrollably. The cop then put his hand on his shoulder, handed him a his personal card and said, "Listen, son, I want you to know I'm your friend. If you ever need to talk, call me and I'll be here to help you.

Since that night my son has been a changed boy, and has never stolen another thing. He sees a counselor on a regular basis and to this day thanks me for calling that cop and saving his life. He tells me can't believe he did those things and says nothing is worth going to jail. He has learned to put himself in other people's places and to respect their property.

Daisy, it wouldn't hurt to call your local police station just to see if they have a program to help kids like your son. It would also be a good idea to get him into counseling. You must intervene or he will end up in jail. Please do something. I did, and it saved my son from a possible life of crime. Thanks for listening.

[This message has been edited by susiejb (edited 07-31-2003).]