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Old 10-23-2003, 04:14 AM   #1
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Post Turning 30!

I will be 30 Sunday!!!!

I am a single parent living in rented accomodation,I have ALWAYS dreamed of getting married,having a few kids(Got 1 already,I spilt with her dad because he was verbally abusive toward me))a nice home a dog etc but finding myself lately wondering if it will ever happen and I think because I will soon be 30 I am worrying about it!

Do you think 30 is too old?It's causing me distress any advice appreciated.

Katie.

 
Old 10-23-2003, 06:40 AM   #2
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You're just a little over whelmed right now. 30 is not old. I'm in my 50's and I don't think I'm old. People have anxiety about their age at any age. Go out once and awhile with friends. Just because you leave your kid once and awhile with a babysitter doesn't make you a bad mother. I know it's not the life you wanted but be happy with what you do have. I wanted the same life you did and I got married the first time at 19. 2 years later I was a single mother living my parents, what a mistake to go home again.

 
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Old 10-23-2003, 10:10 AM   #3
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I jumped out of a plane for my 31st birthday. I'm 35 (I think of that as halfway to 70) and didn't think 30 was so bad. It just depends on where you are in life. In my youth, I also expected that things would be different by 30-35. You're supposed to be grown up by then, right? I don't really see myself as such.
I am never married, no kids. I bought a home by myself at 21 and lived in it for years until I moved for work. I am recently back to work after an extended period of unemployment. I am recently unattached from a long term dead end relationship. (Actually she dumped me on the day before her 30th birthday this past spring. Hmmm.) I moved again and I am starting over. Again. Which is fine.
You gotta look at the bright side, you have lots of years in front of you and the freedom to do whatever you want.
I have recently been debating the whole "settle" and "give up" type mentality. When does one decide that they are "done"? Just cause I (you, anyone) is not in the place they expected they'd be by a certain point in time does NOT mean that place is not accessable. If you do "give up" then it is certain you will never achieve happiness because you will have stopped looking for it. So don't give up because the only one who will suffer for it will be you.

P.S. This "happy ending" mentality is new and very much unlike me. I'm actually quite a cynical bastich. Catch me after I hit 40 and see if my attitude is the same.

 
Old 10-24-2003, 07:34 AM   #4
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annie7 HB User
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I recieved a b'day card on my 50th and it said this:

"So, you're turning 50................


Makes that depression you went through when you turned 40 seem a little silly now, doesn't it?"



 
Old 10-24-2003, 06:59 PM   #5
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Audrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB User
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Screemer, you jumped out of a plane!!!! Excellent idea.

Katie, turning 30 has the stigma attached to it b/c some people go through such an emotional crisis at this point. For me, i felt no different and now that i'm approaching my 37th b/day i still feel no different and don't look any different, but do wonder where on earth the 7 years went....and so fast too!!

I don't think there is such a thing as "happy ever after" and no fairytale endings either (well not for the majority of us). Life is one big question mark, you never know when something good or something bad will happen. You have to make the most of what you have with the resources you have. You alreay have some positives which are your health and your child. I can't have children and a lot of people don't have their health. The rest is up to you.

You may never find that dream guy and buy the perfect home, so what will you do then? You can't sit around moping, you need to live your life and be at least content. All of us have some problem in our lives, either with partners, kids, family, work, health, finances etc etc, it's just that we all have varying coping mechanisms.

The way i look at it is, what is the worst possible case scenario. Once i picture the worst, i feel so much better with what i do have. When you get those morbid moments, don't sit around wallowing. That is the WORST thing you can do. You need to get out of your home and do something, don't stay indoors. Sure, it's fine to have a cry now and again, but not to wallow and dwell 24/7. You need to sit down and make a list of things you have always wanted to do, realistic wishes, eg: take up a course, hobby, sport etc, something which will start giving immediate satisfaction, fun, enjoyment. This is good for you emotionally and makes for good topics of conversation for when you will meet a new man too. Learning new things and having an involved life wont give you as much time to worry over what you don't have either. It often gives people a new edge, confidence and shine which automatically makes you more attractive and interesting.

(out of interest, i've put my name down with numerous market research companies and get called up every so often to participate in either one on one discussions or in group form. It's a lot of fun and i get paid for it. My mother doesnt see why i bother, but it gets me meeting people i'd not get to meet otherwise, lets me be creative, we all have a good laugh during the process and we get paid cash at the end of the session and also learn about new products before they come onto the market. I found this type of work in either the vacancies/casual vacancies in my local paper)

Take care and you know you can always vent on here.

 
Old 10-25-2003, 11:59 PM   #6
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Happy Birthday Katie!!!
You've crossed the wonderful bridge into your 30's!
Be proud of yourself and all you've accomplished so far. There are many wonderful things for you to look forward to.
30 (or older) is not too late to do anything you really want to do. I was in my 30's when: I divorced my son's father; worked, saved some money and bought a small house in a nice residential neighborhood; started taking college courses; found that I was more comfortable in my own skin than I was when I was in my 20's. I'm 45 now and in my 40's: I enjoy spending time with my now adult son; started working for a great company; bought a new car; pay my bills on time and have a little left to save; converted to vegetarianism, and more.
I hope that you find the silver lining in every cloud. If you stumble and fall, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over again. I've dusted myself off a number of times over the years and it's made me stronger and more determined.
Wishing you and your child the best!

 
Old 10-26-2003, 04:01 AM   #7
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Happy Birthday!

Welcome to the "Dirty Thirties!" LOL.

I am almost 32, never married, never came even close, still SINGLE!

Sometimes i worry about it, other times I feel like I am lucky to not be tied down.

 
Old 11-02-2003, 08:08 PM   #8
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I remember 30 being such a hard age to hit also. I mean after being in the twenties for so long, going into the 30's seemed So old then. The beginning of a different age group. It's just a number, no different than going from 22 to 23.
Birthdays should be banned in a way.
Love doesn't have an age to it, so don't worry. It will happen on it's own time.
Just stay active, be yourself, and take care of yourself.
Besides, there's a lot of men meeting woman in their 30's for the first time Im sure. Woman are likely to be a lot more in touch with themselves in that age group and know what they want and how to be treated.

 
Old 11-03-2003, 09:14 AM   #9
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I once turned 30. it was not that fun.

For my 30th birthday I did the following:

went to walmart-my wife bought me a basketball and a cheap shirt- did not wrap the gifts or anything

went to subway-i had to buy my own sandwich as my wife was low on cash from purchasing the basketball.

no nookie, no cake, no nothing!

I was already depressed about turning 30, but to have such a lousy, uneventful day, what a bummer.

My wife and I are no longer married, and she kept the basketball in the divorce. aint life sweet?

I cannot wait for 40!

 
Old 11-03-2003, 09:55 AM   #10
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savy, 40 is going to be Great!
Start living for you, take care of yourself and really live each day like there's no tomorrow. Be your own best friend

 
Old 11-05-2003, 01:55 PM   #11
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katie UK HB User
Cool Actually wasn't soooooooo bad

Hi Guys!

Had a GREAT birthday! Wasn't too bad after all!

Katie.

Last edited by katie UK; 11-05-2003 at 01:59 PM.

 
Old 12-04-2003, 08:32 AM   #12
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Re: Turning 30!

I'm 32. I have hardly any interest in women of my generation. Most are horrible people with (Horrible)children already. Sexiest and traditional like you stated in your post, always looking for a provider and have expectations of a typical yuppie life style. Yet they have nothing to offer really in a relationship.

I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of women around their 30s are single. I know my peers rarely date women around this age for same reason.

Perhaps if you take more interest in someone else and less of your wants you will find your happiness and live a lifestyle you never expected... try to lighten up on your expectations. You might drive yourself into panic attacks and miss out on a lot of great guys if you let your expectations in the way.

 
Old 12-06-2003, 01:43 PM   #13
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robste HB User
Re: Turning 30!

30 is not old! I agree with the other posters who say that they think you're just somewhat overwhelmed right now. Just because you may not have accomplished those "milestones" you'd set for yourself at certain ages doesn't mean that you've failed or that you're any less of a person.

I'm 44 years old (I still can't believe it...the years have flown by), and married, but don't have any children. At 31 I got married, then divorced six years later. I learned that I could not wait to live my life until the right guy came along, or I made so much money, or I had a better job...etc., etc. We can always make excuses and feel sorry for ourselves, or we can do something about it and stay active and busy. I got remarried a few years ago...I never thought that I would. But the "if only I had this or that" attitude then I'd be happy attitude just doesn't work. We get that "stuff" or meet that person, and somehow it doesn't make life perfect like we expect it will.

Try to focus on all the good that you're doing...you have a child you love and who looks up to you, you sound like an intelligent person.

Your age is just a number, it's your outlook and attitude that counts. Hang in there!

 
Old 03-02-2004, 06:14 AM   #14
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TruthaboutLife HB User
Re: Turning 30!

Quote:
Originally Posted by woofdang
I'm 32. I have hardly any interest in women of my generation. Most are horrible people with (Horrible)children already. Sexiest and traditional like you stated in your post, always looking for a provider and have expectations of a typical yuppie life style. Yet they have nothing to offer really in a relationship.

I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of women around their 30s are single. I know my peers rarely date women around this age for same reason.

Perhaps if you take more interest in someone else and less of your wants you will find your happiness and live a lifestyle you never expected... try to lighten up on your expectations. You might drive yourself into panic attacks and miss out on a lot of great guys if you let your expectations in the way.
**************************************** ***************

I couldn't help but comment to this. I am 35 with two children, own business, own house, about to buy a second. We're not all looking for a replacement dad for our kids or a meal ticket. Some of us are actually providing for ourselves!

Anyway, what do 20 year olds have to offer financially? Usually not a lot except what is in their purse today.

As a 35 year old independent woman I say, what do men in their 30s have to offer? They're not that great on the whole. Most of them are UNDER achievers and that's why they look to real young people to date, because an older woman would be like "hahaha you drive that/live in that?". Younger people are more content with less because they haven't yet ascertained that level of financial stability.

 
Old 09-11-2006, 10:30 AM   #15
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Drowning HB User
Re: Turning 30!

Quote:
Originally Posted by screemer
I jumped out of a plane for my 31st birthday. .
That was my gift from my boyfriend for my 30th - which was back in May. We went skydiving....I wanted to face and conquer my biggest fear...HEIGHTS & PLANES..

 
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