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Old 06-13-2005, 11:17 AM   #1
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Feeling Depressed About Age

I don't know why, but ever since I turned 50, I seem to be getting the "blues" more than ever about my age. I still look good, but I'm single right now and sometimes I feel so alone. I do get out there and date, and have met some attractive men, but I get so depressed when I think I will have to spend my golden years alone. I just don't feel like I could "settle" for someone I'm not really in love with and there just aren't that many attractive men in my age group out there, although I have met a few.

I'm so busy with a hectic job and a teenage daughter, it doesn't leave much time for me, although since my daughter started working, I do have a lot more time to myself.

I wish I could shake this feeling of impending doom about my age! Any suggestions?

Do you think it's still possible to find love for someone my age? Because sometimes I think it's useless. I know this is a depressing post, but I needed to share my feelings.

 
Old 06-13-2005, 12:19 PM   #2
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

I am 56 and married to a man 13 years older than me but he is in better physical condition than I am. However, if I were to outlive him I would not remarry. If I were physically able to I would join clubs and do volunteer work to keep from being lonely. Hang in there. I believe you can find someone to share your "golden" years with if that is what you wish. But sometimes the timing is out of our hands. Right now you have a lot to shoulder with a job and a teenage daughter who probably needs you to be there for her right now. When she has left home you should have more time to pursue your goal. Love is ageless. Age does not matter!!! Anyway, you are still a kid.

 
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Old 06-13-2005, 01:23 PM   #3
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Thanks a lot Gordy! Actually, I think I look fantastic for my age. Most people only think I'm in my 40's. I've taken really good care of myself and had a little "work" done!

My social life started going downhill when I became a single parent. I just didn't have enough time for a lot of extracurricular activities. The extra time I did have I used to relax and unwind.

If had more time, I would do volunteer work, but right now, I just don't. I've been dating more and that takes up a lot of my free time on the weekends. Actually, they have a website for older singles that I am thinking about joining soon.

Thanks a lot for your post.

 
Old 06-13-2005, 05:25 PM   #4
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HELLASRULES HB UserHELLASRULES HB User
Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Hi GreenEyes
I just turned 50 in April & am single,too. I know how hard it is to work and find time for social activities. And although I don't have any kids...I've always been single, I can imagine that takes away even more time from taking care of you. I think I look pretty good for my age, too, and everyone thinks I am younger. It is hard to meet men in this mid-age group, but they are out there. I think this is a great time in life to explore things you never got the chance to before. As your daughter gets older & needs less of your time, you have the opportunity to find out more about you. Do things you may have wanted to in the past, but couldn't because of family needs.
I decided to try my hand at wood-working two years ago, & I've been told by my contractor friend that I do better work than most of the guys he knows. Plus, I get to meet all kinds of men every time I go to the local home improvment store to buy wood or tools. It has given me so much confidence & pride that I can actually do this!
Think about it...what did you use to want to do, but didn't have time. A lot of married people envy us singles. You are in charge & you don't have to ask or consult anyone about doing something...or even about what you want to eat.
This is a great time in life...enjoy it.

 
Old 06-13-2005, 06:26 PM   #5
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Quote:
Originally Posted by HELLASRULES
Hi GreenEyes
I just turned 50 in April & am single,too. I know how hard it is to work and find time for social activities. And although I don't have any kids...I've always been single, I can imagine that takes away even more time from taking care of you. I think I look pretty good for my age, too, and everyone thinks I am younger. It is hard to meet men in this mid-age group, but they are out there. I think this is a great time in life to explore things you never got the chance to before. As your daughter gets older & needs less of your time, you have the opportunity to find out more about you. Do things you may have wanted to in the past, but couldn't because of family needs.
I decided to try my hand at wood-working two years ago, & I've been told by my contractor friend that I do better work than most of the guys he knows. Plus, I get to meet all kinds of men every time I go to the local home improvment store to buy wood or tools. It has given me so much confidence & pride that I can actually do this!
Think about it...what did you use to want to do, but didn't have time. A lot of married people envy us singles. You are in charge & you don't have to ask or consult anyone about doing something...or even about what you want to eat.
This is a great time in life...enjoy it.
What a great post! I didn't realize there were other women out there like me. I've had a couple of long term relationships, but I've never gotten married either. Actually, I was pretty happy being single up until lately.

Marriage was never one of the most important things to me, but love is. I could have gotten married, but know now that I would have been "settling".

Since I work for a hectic law firm, I'm extremely tired when I get home from work, plus the fact that I have to commute one hour each way! It's a pretty long day and when I get home, I'm just so exhausted. I get up at 5:00 a.m., to exercise though and take really good care of myself. It seems like when you really want someone in your life, it never happens. It's when you are not looking, that a great person shows up. At least that's what usually has happened to me in the past.

Well, thanks a lot for listening and it's nice to know we have something in common. They should start a thread on being single or something. It's not easy.

 
Old 06-14-2005, 09:52 AM   #6
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Hi greeneyes100.
I think that everyone has been there at some time in their life. I was there at the age of 26. I was very successful, made alot of money, part owner of the IT company I worked for, drove fancy cars, had my house already paid off and I was what you would say "a successful man" in every way and at a very early age. I had everything that everyone would dream of and strive for in life. I worked 10-12 hours a day, most weekends as well. My parents were very proud of me and so where the rest of my family. And then the christmas of 1996 I sat alone at home, everyone had ran off to their families and kids. My parents were in Spain at the time for xmas vacation. And I sat there and watched tv by myself and I realized that "time" is just passing by and I am really not happy at all. People have their own lives, go off and do their own things, even my parents. I could only buy so many clothes, cars, shoes, TV's, computers and really it didn't mean a single thing to me. I didn't have anyone to share this with. I realized that without sharing your life with someone, you really do not have a life at ALL. I finally met someone and fell in love with a girl but she lived in a different country. I finally realized that what I had and the life I had was just crap. The only time I was happy was with her. So I decided to quit my job, sell my share of the company, sell my house, car, everything and move to her. Everyone in my surrounding said I was crazy, ruining my life over some "girl", "burning my bridges" etc. But really I think deep down they just admired my courage, afraid of loosing me and so on.

I am today not very "successful" at all, all the money I had is all spent. I have work here and there, but economically maybe a little below standard. Am I happy? am I worried about the future? Yes I am happier than ever in my life, I can't recall any time in my life when I have been happier, because I have my g/f in my life. Really I have come to the realisation that it is better to be poor and being able to share that with someone you love, than being rich and successful and alone. And no matter what, the future is always bright and not so scary when you have someone in your life that you love and loves you back!

You kids will grow up, get their own partners, spouses or what ever and live their own lives. You cant stop living and live thru your kids. It simply will not make you any happier. What about you?. Life is a journey and when you are 70-80 years old it is too late to rethink your life. I also realised that sometimes people just live and save up everything for when they get older and when their kids move out and look forward to the golden years. Sometimes I hear about people in their 20s and 30s that already has a "plan" for their life. Talk about boring!, Dont plan your life too much, dont make it a scheduled event! Live life to the fullest every day and don't be afraid of change. Many times when you get older and retire, you are really too old to enjoy life like you would have when you are 30-40-50. You won't be able to travel the way you would have when you are younger or do the things you want to do. You will get poor vision, old bones, medical problems and god knows what and then you will regret that you didnt take the time when you were younger to do all of these things. So when you are in your 40s-50s..GO OUT THERE and enjoy life, meet new people, fall in love, change your life before it is too late. You will remain unhappy as long as you do not do anything concrete to solve your "rut".

 
Old 06-14-2005, 10:06 AM   #7
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcantona
Hi greeneyes100.
I think that everyone has been there at some time in their life. I was there at the age of 26. I was very successful, made alot of money, part owner of the IT company I worked for, drove fancy cars, had my house already paid off and I was what you would say "a successful man" in every way and at a very early age. I had everything that everyone would dream of and strive for in life. I worked 10-12 hours a day, most weekends as well. My parents were very proud of me and so where the rest of my family. And then the christmas of 1996 I sat alone at home, everyone had ran off to their families and kids. My parents were in Spain at the time for xmas vacation. And I sat there and watched tv by myself and I realized that "time" is just passing by and I am really not happy at all. People have their own lives, go off and do their own things, even my parents. I could only buy so many clothes, cars, shoes, TV's, computers and really it didn't mean a single thing to me. I didn't have anyone to share this with. I realized that without sharing your life with someone, you really do not have a life at ALL. I finally met someone and fell in love with a girl but she lived in a different country. I finally realized that what I had and the life I had was just crap. The only time I was happy was with her. So I decided to quit my job, sell my share of the company, sell my house, car, everything and move to her. Everyone in my surrounding said I was crazy, ruining my life over some "girl", "burning my bridges" etc. But really I think deep down they just admired my courage, afraid of loosing me and so on.

I am today not very "successful" at all, all the money I had is all spent. I have work here and there, but economically maybe a little below standard. Am I happy? am I worried about the future? Yes I am happier than ever in my life, I can't recall any time in my life when I have been happier, because I have my g/f in my life. Really I have come to the realisation that it is better to be poor and being able to share that with someone you love, than being rich and successful and alone. And no matter what, the future is always bright and not so scary when you have someone in your life that you love and loves you back!

You kids will grow up, get their own partners, spouses or what ever and live their own lives. You cant stop living and live thru your kids. It simply will not make you any happier. What about you?. Life is a journey and when you are 70-80 years old it is too late to rethink your life. I also realised that sometimes people just live and save up everything for when they get older and when their kids move out and look forward to the golden years. Sometimes I hear about people in their 20s and 30s that already has a "plan" for their life. Talk about boring!, Dont plan your life too much, dont make it a scheduled event! Live life to the fullest every day and don't be afraid of change. Many times when you get older and retire, you are really too old to enjoy life like you would have when you are 30-40-50. You won't be able to travel the way you would have when you are younger or do the things you want to do. You will get poor vision, old bones, medical problems and god knows what and then you will regret that you didnt take the time when you were younger to do all of these things. So when you are in your 40s-50s..GO OUT THERE and enjoy life, meet new people, fall in love, change your life before it is too late. You will remain unhappy as long as you do not do anything concrete to solve your "rut".
Thanks a lot for the wonderful post and I totally agree with you. Except for one thing, I think a single person can be happy and live a full life, as long as it is filled with things they love to do and lots of friends and family.

I really think that some people never find the right person, for some reason or other. Of course, I am still actively dating, and I truly think I will find someone to love that will love me back. An astrologer even told me once that the love of my life would come late in my life, so maybe she was right.

Life is better when you have someone to share it with, but you can still have a great life without a significant other, as long as you have hobbies and friends. But really, in the end, your life is what YOU MAKE IT.

 
Old 06-14-2005, 10:33 AM   #8
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Art_930 HB User
Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

I'm a single woman in my mid-fifties and I can honestly say that I'm pretty darned happy being by myself.

I've been married twice to two really nice guys, my kids are out of the nest and on their own and I can finally do what I want to do and when I want to do it.

If I feel like having ice cream for dinner, there's no-one but me to please. And if I decide I want to drive to Mexico tomorrow, then I don't have to clear it with anyone else (I actually did this a couple of months ago - it's a 19-hour drive). I bought myself some home repair tools and I'll be laying my own hardwood floors this summer.

Hooray for being single and active - alone but not lonely!

 
Old 06-14-2005, 05:54 PM   #9
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

So true, Art! That's really the way you have to live your life, to live every day to the fullest, just like it's your last. That's what I'm trying to do now. After all, "happiness is a journey, not a destination."

This is a little off the topic, but how do you put "quotes" in the middle of a post???

Thanks for all the nice responses. I feel so much better!

Now that I've gotten older, I've learned to appreciate the little things that I never noticed before. I smile at strangers more often. I laugh more. I like myself more (most of the time). Also, I really don't care what other people think about me like I used to! That's a marvelous feeling.

 
Old 06-18-2005, 02:53 PM   #10
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes100
So true, Art! That's really the way you have to live your life, to live every day to the fullest, just like it's your last. That's what I'm trying to do now. After all, "happiness is a journey, not a destination."

This is a little off the topic, but how do you put "quotes" in the middle of a post???

Thanks for all the nice responses. I feel so much better!

Now that I've gotten older, I've learned to appreciate the little things that I never noticed before. I smile at strangers more often. I laugh more. I like myself more (most of the time). Also, I really don't care what other people think about me like I used to! That's a marvelous feeling.
Hi Greeneyes ... I noticed in ur first post u mentioned 'attractive' men ... I just wanted to point out that looks are not everything. Don't over look the more average looking guys ... because sometimes they can make far better partners ... not so self absorbed ... more caring and loving. I'm 51 and married to a great guy ... but my sister lost her hubby two years ago tragically ... she has recently felt the need to meet someone for company ... seems to be doing ok .. she has used the Internet and some nice guys in her age group have responded ... one that she has strated to see regulary. I'm sure you will meet the right guy when it's time ... good luck

 
Old 06-19-2005, 06:13 AM   #11
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

I'm usually pretty intimated by "movie star goodlooks" anyway. I'm usually attracted to men in the average range. The only thing that really turns me off is overweight men and extremely hair men, especially hair on the back, and beards!

 
Old 06-19-2005, 10:36 AM   #12
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes100
I'm usually pretty intimated by "movie star goodlooks" anyway. I'm usually attracted to men in the average range. The only thing that really turns me off is overweight men and extremely hair men, especially hair on the back, and beards!
LOL ... Don't like beards either ... and I agree about the weight thingy ... health risk anyway

 
Old 06-27-2005, 06:48 PM   #13
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Smile Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

I'm in the 50's too & never married. Like you said there are very few men out there. I'm a teacher & go to the gym regularly . Most people think I'm nowhere near 50. I belong to numerous performing music groups & meet a lot of men but most of them, esp the most interesting ,are already married. To be honest I 've never had a serious relationship, just been on dates. I've never met a guy who " knocked my socks off " I'm not the only one like this...I know several others.

I like being single but it would be nice to experience a real love relationship at least once but I'm not going to die if if doesn't happen.. I think finding a partner is largely a matter of luck & being in the right place at the right time. I absolutely refuse to try online dating; people lie & you don't know what you're getting. I know a guy about 60 who's listed on ********** and been married & divorced 3 X and is a known womanizer . That's not listed on his profile, tho.

I prefer to meet people in social situations where you can observe them & their interactions with others. I don't know anyone who's had success with online dating & most quit after a little while.

A large number of the people I went to school with are divorced; several more than once. A lot of people "settle" which I think is ALWAYS a bad idea, and wind up unhappy & then divorce. I have several divorced relatives in their 40's & 50's and another family member & his wife just split after 25 yrs of marriage. Most of them came from happily married parents. Two close gal pals who're divorced with almost grown kids have no desire to date anymore & are tired of dealing with men.

It seems to be very hard nowdays to find good partners.I feel pretty lucky having missed all the above drama; like I dodged a bullet that hit everyone but me. I have my gal pals & family, hobbies, 2 rotten spoiled cats, good health, can come & go as I please & do what I want. If I meet someone , fine,if I don't, fine. I won't be the first & I won't be the last to stay single & life is too short to worry over stuff you can't control

 
Old 06-27-2005, 07:34 PM   #14
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

Well, it's true that a lot of people truly believe in "serendipity" or "fate", whatever you call it. I think you make your own destiny, or have a large part to do with it.

It is true, that I love my single life, and would never "settle", but I still long for that one special person to spend the rest of my life with. Like the last poster said, some people get lucky and manage to find that, but I think others are not quite so lucky.

I still believe that if you are persistent about what you want and work to get what you want, you eventually come into contact with it.

Online dating has worked for a lot of people and marriages do happen from online dating; good marriages, as a matter of fact. If you have a job where you don't have a lot of social connections, what else is there to do? I work for a small law firm and don't connect with a lot of people. I am not from this town, so I don't have contact with people I grew up with.

I think I must be pretty happy being single, because marriage has never been that important to me. However, I love being in love and have been in love before, about two times in my lifetime. I'm at least glad I have the memories to fall back on, even though the relationships did not work out. I think love can happen no matter how old you are as long as you are open to it.

Love is ageless!

 
Old 07-02-2005, 03:57 PM   #15
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Re: Feeling Depressed About Age

have you gone through menopause yet? Perimenopause could be the cause of your depression. You don't get enough sleep and nothing seems to be going right.

 
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