Depressed grandfather - Aging Issues Message Board

Blue102 · 07-14-2005, 06:07 PM

My grandfather, who's in his late 80's, just lost his wife of...60 years or something, and he's just been very depressed about it, understandably. He has been calling family members every day wanting to 'come over and watch TV' and whatnot. That's fine, but some of us are afraid he will get spoiled and never adjust. Today he called my husband twice in fifteen miutes, wanting to come over and watch cable TV (we've told him a hundred times we don't have cable.) We really bend over backwards to make him happy and spend time with him, but he seems so sad when we tell him no.

Another thing is, he's really, really hard to get along with. He changes channels on you when you're watching a program, complains about anything and everything, gets worked up and insulted over the smallest things, and is really...racist, and lets everyone know it. If we try to take him out for dinner, the whole place will hear about how expensive the food is (even if it's really not!) and how things were so different back when he was a boy. Also, he's deaf, and can't hear a word anyone says to him.

I love my grandpa but I don't know what more to do to help him. My family has always been close, but he's driving everyone nuts!!! He needs to just realize that times have changed and get with the program! I think he's a little senile, and it breaks my heart to see him so confused and sad.

Any advice?

Marie55 · 07-15-2005, 06:36 PM

Get him involved in a senior citizen program. Most cities have a senior citizen center. He would make new friends, be able to chat about old times and give everyone else a break.

Your grandfather is a very, very lonely man right now. Most likey his wife was his best friend and he has no others. That is the way it is with me and my husband, he is my best friend.

It will take a long time for him to adjust. Please be patient with him, he will never change his attitude and live in current times so to speak. Encourage him to get a hearing aid, the digital kind, will make a great deal of difference. When he visits, make sure someone else has the TV control in their pocket and not in his hand.

I really believe gentle loving care at this time is in order even tho it creates havoc with everyone else. Over time gradual separation will take place.

It usually takes an average person about 3 months or longer to grieve after a loss of their loved one. Your grandpa may still be in the grieving period and that can last up to 1 year or longer depending on the person.

Don't be surprised if your grandfather does not live much longer. The loss of a wife or husband is very hard on them and they usually give up and want to go on and be with their loved one. This happened with my parents at age of 93 and 98, dad lasted 6 weeks only after my mother's death. She fell and broke her hip and exactly 1 month later dad fell and broke his hip, lived about 2 weeks after his fall.

Blue102 · 07-16-2005, 06:43 AM

Thank you so much for your very helpful reply. I had not thought of a senior citizen program, but it's a great idea, and I will check into it.

luvtocamp · 07-16-2005, 12:22 PM

I feel bad for your grandfather and he needs all the love and attention he can get now.. Like the previous poster said it takes time and a senior citizen center might
be the answer. Any man in their late 80 deserves respect and I know its hard on
caregivers but I have found with my MIL I mainly just agree with everything she says.
I hope you grandfather gets better soon. Living to a ripe old age is sometimes all its not cracked up to be, especially when one is lonely. Watch and make sure he is eating and check his short term memory out without him realizing it. It may be worst than your aware of. Maybe even a move to a adult assisted living unit in the future might be in the cards. Good luck to all of you.

happybunny · 07-18-2005, 02:54 PM

Blue, I am so glad you are not my grand-daughter.