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Old 09-09-2005, 01:27 PM   #1
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Fallon_C HB User
Question I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.

 
Old 09-10-2005, 07:25 PM   #2
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Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallon_C
I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.

"I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way."

Did you get married at a young age? Would you give up your husband and child to be out partying with the girls? (Who are out looking for a man.)

"I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight."

Yep, that's how it is when you have responsibilties...you need your sleep. You're blessed with a husband and child that want to be with you. Weekends don't have to be boring, initiate some family fun. Make memories you child will remember. If you don't know how just watch your child...they innocently find joy in life. Try taking care of yourself by dressing so you feel better, get a different hair style,put on a little makeup and watch what you eat and excerise to lose weight. I'm sure there are some of those out having fun jealous of you.

 
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Old 09-12-2005, 01:22 AM   #3
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alsaser HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

When I turned 23, that's when I started feeling old. (I was single, no kids). 'til about 25 I felt like an old lady and felt like I was going through a 20-something crisis. That passed and I started liking my age. Once your child grows, you'll have more time for you. I'm 29 and feel young and great. I sure wish I could find someone & get married though, count your blessings! Enjoy your family and make time for yourself. You ARE young. Enjoy your youth.

 
Old 09-12-2005, 01:33 PM   #4
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ethera HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

I am 35 and often feel like I'm still 14.

I married at 20, to the girl of my dreams, for five years, good, enjoyable relationship.

I can tell you now that it's good to be with someone ( one person ). You don't realize how much of yourself you share with someone unless you become no longer with them.

All my best memories are with her.

If you are with that one person, you have the rest of your life to reminisce together, and also create new memories.


The party scene is 'of the moment'. While it can be enjoyable, it can also be very empty and lonely. It's not worth spending a lot of energy 'pursuing' it.

 
Old 09-13-2005, 12:31 PM   #5
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Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Sounds like you need a little 'me time.' You ought to try to have a few hours away from family to do fun stuff; go to the gym, take a dance class, go indoor rock climbing, join a book club, have lunch with a friend etc. Just do something away from your family where you're a person and not just mom and wife.

Just coz you're a mom doesn't mean you're no longer a human with a need for a little fun, laughter and excitement. Also devoting yourself solely to your family will leave you lacking latter in life. My mom was a type of mother who never went out, never had a life or kept up with friends and now - at 55 years old - she has no friends, no life, and no hobbies and feels very alone. She also never worked out and is severly obese and has no self-confidence.

Having a lovely husband and kid is wonderful, but it can't be the ONLY thing in your life.

Last edited by veggie girl; 09-13-2005 at 12:33 PM.

 
Old 09-14-2005, 02:54 PM   #6
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seekingnormal05 HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Fallon:

I think Veggie Girl has some good advice.

Would it be possible to try and find something for you?

I agree with what everyone said. Having your husband and child is a major blessing and should be cherished. But that doesn't mean Fallon can't be number one for a couple of hours every week.

And it doesn't have to be partying or something cool. Just find something that's just for you.

And I hate to tell you this but these phases come and go in life. I hit one in my 20's, 30's and a real big freakin' wall in my 40's. But they pass. There are just ways to make it more bearable. And if it gets really bad, talk to your doctor.

Good luck.

 
Old 09-14-2005, 08:29 PM   #7
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Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Right on Veggie !
I too am a 30 something mom w/2 kids and a "dear husband".You MUST make time for yourself at least once in a while or you lose yourself.If you aren't happy w/you how can you be happy w/others.Kids can be trying and so can hubby's (and all us females are the easiest to get along w/ )But that's the way life goes.You have to be grateful for what you have and ya know what try to get someone to take the child and you and hubby go out and "whoop" it up.Or if you are able try to find a little something just for you once a week ,month or when ever you can.I've started to do this over the years and boy what a difference it makes,To know that I DO still have a life and I'm not "just" a mom/wife.Life is what you make it.....

 
Old 09-14-2005, 10:28 PM   #8
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pjcat HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallon_C
I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.
Hey there thought I would drop a line and give you some words of "inspiration" . I am a 23 year old male...just graduated from college and I know the feeling your talking about. However, here is how I look at it. There are many people out there our age who are still partying it up, "living the carefree lifestyle", druging, being sexual active with a bunch of others. But to me these people HAVEN'T really matured much yet. They are 23,24,25 and they are still acting like they were when they were 18! When you reach our age you should be focusing more on what you want to do with your life..and finding that steady person you want to be with (which, it sounds like you have ) I have many friends who are in their twenties and still act like college freshman...some of them haven't had a steady gf/bf yet and others haven't held but one or two menial jobs....Where are they going to go with their life??? I mean you definately have to go out and have fun but at the same time you need to be thinking about where you will be in 20 years.

My advice to you would be too take a vacation from your family and job. Go on a cruise with some friends of yours and just go nuts for a couple of weeks. You know do the whole girl's night out type deal You should feel alot better.

Like I said I KNOW what you mean about the whole mid-life crisis feeling. But dont worry...there are MANY of us in our twenties who are struggling with those exact feelings. In fact just last weekend me and a few friends were at a bar discussing these exact things. Your not alone

 
Old 09-20-2005, 02:35 AM   #9
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veggie girl HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Quote:
Originally Posted by cib
Hi,
Dear Veggie Girl,
You said that you are overweight, so perhaps your diet is the cause of your lack of zest. Are you vegetarian? and do you get complete protein by combining your vegetables. There are natural ways to get complete protein with a vegetarian diet and get the hormones going to burn those calories and give you energy to live. I have several suggestions. Are you interested?
Carole
Actually, its my mom that is obese - I'm a hot chick myself!! haha

 
Old 09-23-2005, 11:37 PM   #10
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Heather27b HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Alexandra Robbins wrote several books about what she calls the "Quarterlife Crisis"... maybe you could look them up.

 
Old 09-24-2005, 07:00 AM   #11
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Cassie4u22 HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Hey everyone. Just wanted to add my two cents on all of this. I am a 21 year old female, and around the age of 20 (realized, OH NO I'm no longer a teenager!) I started feeling "old." I have a steady boyfriend of nearly two years, and we pretty much act like a little married couple (Both go to school/work, I cook dinners and clean house, and we rarely go out together...haven't been to a party in over a year!!) Anyways, at first I thought it was fun playing housewife, but then I hit this wall where I was like, "Oh my gosh, I am only 20, I need to be out whooping it up!!"

That summer I went home (I live away at college during the school year) and went to a party with my old highschool friends for the first time in ages. I was really excited. It felt like old times, and I felt young again.

Well, get to the party, and although everyone around me was having a blast, all I could think about was GETTING OUT OF THERE. I remember looking around and thinking, "wow, THIS is what I thought I was missing out on? NO THANKS!!" I couldn't believe that this was the type of atmosphere I used to enjoy so much back in my "younger years." After that, I have always felt really content with where I am in my life. Remember, at this age (early twenties) most single people are desperately searching for what YOU already have!! I know that all my single friends, although they would never outright admit it, are very jealous of the comfortable and steady relationship that I have. Like someone said in a previous post, I am sure there are people out there that are jealous of what you have also!

Keep in touch with old friends though, and I agree with everyone else that you need to make time for youself once in a while. You can still go out with friends without partying necessarily - meet up at a coffee shop, go out to dinner and have a few cocktails, attend a professional sporting event, etc. Also, I find that exercising always makes me feel like I have more purpose for some reason, I don't know why. But you could try that also, take a walk around a park, go jogging on a crisp fall day - it'll make you feel great about yourself

Good luck, and sorry for the long post but I felt I could relate to how you felt.

-Cassie-

 
Old 09-24-2005, 11:13 AM   #12
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Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Wow I can really relate to your post. I am almost 23 and have a baby. He is 19 months old. Man I always tell my husband I feel sooo old. At night I am so tired and ready for bed by 10 pm. We don't do anything except for hang out with other couple in their 20's with kids which can get boring since theres always kids to worry about. We can't do anything without getting a sitter. When I was about age 17-20 all I did was party it up go to clubs ect.. Then all the sudden it got really old. Clubs got dumb and boring and getting wasted was suddenly really unappealing to me. I guess I thought I wouldn't miss that life but lately I find myself dreaming about going back to those days. All my friends from highschool and college ae partying all the time, bar hopping, clubbing ect.. They seem so "free". Now I feel like I have thrown away my youth . All I have are responsibilites and I feel deprived. My husband always tells me I will be better off in the long run than many of my friends. Which will be true if my husband finishes dental school and goes on to oral surgery. Most of my friends didn't finish school and those that have are just acting like they are in highschool still. Even where we live there are students in dental school that drink like crazy, go to school hungover, drive drunk, and do a bunch of insane partying. And these people are in graduate school! So is that what life is all about? Am I missing something? Suddenly I feel really abnormal like thats what I should be doing.

 
Old 09-24-2005, 12:39 PM   #13
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YaYa04 HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallon_C
I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.
I'm thinking it has something to do with being married at such a young age and having a child. I've seen many young married women with children and they all look and feel much older then their ages. I'm 37 not married and no child, I live with my boyfriend who is 7 years younger then me. Most of the time I feel more like I'm in my early 20's. I love going out to bars/clubs to dance and have a few drinks with my friends. The only thing that makes me feel my age and older at times is my back problem and recovering from surgery. Other then that I feel young.

Please don't take this the wrong way but from what I see in the young married women with children is they really seem to look aged. I think children can be very draining on a person. Don't get me wrong I love children, but I really do feel sorry for some of the young mothers these days.

 
Old 09-24-2005, 04:30 PM   #14
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Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Please don't take this the wrong way but from what I see in the young married women with children is they really seem to look aged. I think children can be very draining on a person. Don't get me wrong I love children, but I really do feel sorry for some of the young mothers these days.[/QUOTE]

I wish that was a little more of my problem. I have always looked super young for my age. It is kind of annoying to get carded for an R movie when I am almost 23. I know everyone thought I was probably a teenager when I was pregnant. I think I look like I am 18 or 19. Having a baby doesn't seem to have aged me much I guess. But when I look at pictures from when I was 20 I do look older. But thats natural right? But I do know what you mean. There are some young moms that just look older. I still dress the same mainly cuz I shed all the baby weight fast. I still weigh the same as when I started college. It is hard though cuz I can gain weight pretty easy if I let myself go. I would probably dress older too if I was overweight.

 
Old 10-04-2005, 11:37 AM   #15
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Fallon_C HB User
Re: I'm only 23 but I feel so old and I'm afraid of getting old

Thank you everyone for your encouraging words!!

Fallon

Last edited by Fallon_C; 10-04-2005 at 11:42 AM.

 
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